Category: Christian

Cursing at the customer service people

rodarters

Back in the day I used to do a lot of speaking for various groups.  Some of it was motivational and inspirational.  Some of it was Bible teaching for teenagers and college students.  Occasionally I was asked to lead a seminar, speak at a conference or even do a school assembly.   One church even asked me to deliver a Sunday sermon.   I don’t remember what the sermon was on.   I do remember the response from the congregation – graciously positive.   What a relief.  I really hate speaking in the midst of flying tomatoes!   Afterward, I went home and went on with my day.

The following day was, as you might expect, a Monday.   When I took a moment to check the weekend mail, I discovered that my local utility company had overcharged me AGAIN for the second month in a row.   The hassle to get my money back after the first overcharge was nothing short of infuriating.   Now they are doing it again?  I immediately called the 800 number and navigated through a seemingly endless number of prompts.

  • Press 1, for English.
  • Press 1 if you are a current customer.
  • Press 2 if you know your account number.
  • Press 5 if you know any numbers.
  • Press 7 if you know the square root of Pi.
  • Press 4 if you want a pie.
  • Press 8 if you are tired of pressing buttons.
  • Press 9 if we are wearing you down.
  • Press 6 if you are about to commit a felony.
  • Press 8 if you are voting for Dancing with the Stars.
  • Press 3 if you still remember why you are calling.

UGH!   After what seemed to be 90 minutes, I finally got past that non-sense and was able to speak to an actual human being.   In that moment, a flood of emotions were upon me.  I was glad to be out of the purgatory of prompts.  I was furious I was having this conversation again.  I realized that this customer service woman is not the cause of my problem.  I also realized that she worked for the evil organization and needed to hear my frustration.  I wanted to yell and curse and scream, which is unlike me.

But my conscience and character were telling me to be patient and gracious and kind in my speech.   In that split second, I had to decide what voice was going to win.  I honestly did not know.  There were two beings on each shoulder, the devil and the angel, and they were battling over my mind and tongue.  Against my true desires, the angel spoke softly to the woman and explained my repeated frustration with her company and their costly mistake.

Customer service people are trained to handle idiots like me.  This lady was great.  She was helpful.  She was understanding and patient.  She spoke in a very disarming and soothing manner.  Within about ten minutes, my problem was solved and the money issue was fixed.   I could feel the blood leaving my head and watching the hulk-like figure lose it’s shade of green.   What she said to me next sent chills down my spine…

  • Customer service lady: “Mr. Arters, is there anything else I can do for you?”
  • Me: “No, Ma’am.  You have been very helpful.  Thank you so much.”
  • Customer service lady: “You are very welcome.  Before you go, I need to tell you something.”
  • Me: “What’s that?”
  • Customer service lady: “I just wanted you to know that the sermon you gave yesterday at church was very powerful and it really impacted me.  I was glad that I had visited your church.”
  • Me: (long silence)  “You were there?”
  • Customer service lady: “Yes, when I saw your name on the account I realized it was the same name on my church bulletin.  At any rate, I just wanted to say thank you.”
  • Me: (long silence)  “Um, you are welcome.  Thank you!”

I hung up and honestly wanted to cry.   How close did I come to discrediting my sermon?  I was about three seconds away from steamrolling a visitor at my church, without even knowing it.   In this case, my lips and my life matched.  Fortunately for me, what she saw in the pulpit and what she heard on the phone were the same.  The truth is, my heart was far from speaking kindly that day.  There was rage in my heart and only because I was raised right and living in the South, did I realize that such behavior never solves problems.

There have been plenty of times that my life has not matched my lips.  I’m working on that.  I have to constantly remind myself that I am always being watched – even when I am alone.  The customer service reps on the phone and the people behind the ticket counter at the airport, they both have ears.   The grocery bagger and the guy who works at the gas station, they both have eyes.  They watch and hear what we say, what we do, how we treat them.  And they know more about you then you think.

It has been said that “character is who you are when no one is watching.”     So, who are you?

It’s easy to look good on a platform or behind a pulpit or in a pew.  Anyone can pad a resume, impress on an interview or dazzle on a first date.  But how do you behave when you think no one is looking?  How do you speak when you think no one is really listening?   What does your web history reveal about your free time surfing?

Remember, we all live before an Audience of One.

“The eyes of the Lord are in every place, watching the evil and the good.” – Proverbs 15:3

If the Apostle Paul had Facebook

rodarters

I am seeing a disturbing trend on Facebook and I don’t like it.  I recognize immediately that my opinion may not be a popular one, particularly with those who practice this trend – but in the land of free speech, my opinion still counts… and I think it’s still right.

What am I talking about?   The public shredding of ex girlfriends, ex-husbands, ex-employers and ex-friends on your Facebook wall.  In short, it works like this.  Someone wrongs you/crosses you/offends you/hurts you/disrespects you/steals from you/cheats on you/slanders you/gossips about you/or cuts you off in traffic and you, in turn, tell every friend of yours all about it.  In detail.  On your Facebook wall.

While it is true that you can virtually write whatever you want on your Facebook wall, it does not mean you should.   Granted, you may have been terribly wronged.  You may be justifiably angry.  You may have every right to be hurt, or upset or even furious.  Yes, lovers have been known to cheat.  Yes, ex-spouses can make life difficult.  Yes, employers can be jerks from time to time.  Yes, we all have friends that have made us angry or done things that hurt us.  But that does not mean you should broadcast their evils on your FB wall for all the world to see.  As it has been said, “two wrongs don’t make a right.”

Allow me to share six reasons why you should keep your thoughts to yourself:

  1. Your rant is permanent.  Whether it’s a website entry or a Facebook wall – it’s there for good.  You may not realize this, but once you put something on the web, it’s on there forever – even after you delete it.  Think I’m kidding?  This article proves it: http://www.zdnet.com/blog/igeneration/facebook-does-not-erase-user-deleted-content/4808   You need to really think twice about what you post, particularly if it is offensive or mean – even if it’s true.  Today’s party picture can cost you tomorrow’s job or promotion.  Your angry wall rant could actually cause more damage than the harm done to you.
  2. It lacks class.  Class-less people hang their dirty laundry for all to see.  Class-less people rant and rave about the wrongs done to them.  Class-less people hold on to past offenses and make their bitterness public.  Jerry Springer made a whole TV show out of these types of people.   You were wronged, we get that.  Now, go to counseling or write in your journal or tell a close friend about it.  There is no need to share it publicly as the rest of us don’t really want to hear it in that forum.
  3. You have no idea (literally) who can see what you write.   You may think that only your friends can see it.  But if your comment makes it to my news feed, now all my friends can see it.  And they can share it with their friends.  And their friends can share it with their friends.   Within a matter of minutes, your mud slinging can be across the globe in front of God knows who.  It’s bad enough that your drama is on my doorstep.  Do you really want it travelling to other countries too?
  4. It sets a bad example.   Others read your post.  Others deal with difficult people who hurt them.  Others struggle with how to handle their anger/frustration.  Others look up to you.   They may think it a good idea to follow your example and do the same thing.   If I wanted to listen to negative junk, I’d turn on an episode of Cops or Hoarders or The Real Housewives of Whocaresville.   Isn’t there enough negative in this world?   Share the good.  Post the positive.  Tell a funny.  Make me smile.  I already want to cry and scream enough in my day without your help.
  5. You are not perfect.  Do you remember the last time you wronged someone?  Probably not.  Have you ever said or done something that hurt another person?  Probably.  Would you want it broadcast on the world wide web for all to see?  NO!  You say that your level of wrong was less than the wrong done to you?  I say that’s a weak argument.  One of the first things we are all taught growing up is to “treat people the way you want to be treated” (Matthew 7:12).   True, you were not treated the way you wanted.  But “an eye for an eye makes the whole world go blind.” (Mahatma Ghandi)   Recognize that you have hurt others too and learn how to forgive.
  6. Most of the time when you post such things, the person you are talking about never sees it.   Mark Twain once said, “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”  Or as Buddha once said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”   That’s the way it is with anger.  The hatred in you only consumes you – it never reaches them.   If you need to get it out of your system, go to the gym.  Or punch your pillow.   Or wash my car.  Or yodel.   Whatever you do –  don’t poison my well or wall in the process.

One last thing…

The Apostle Paul did not have an easy life, particularly as a Christian.   In II Corinthians 11 he summarizes his drama:

“I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was pelted with stones, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea,  I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my fellow Jews, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false believers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. Who is weak, and I do not feel weak?  Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?”

Has your day, week or life been harder than that?  

Paul wrote the book of Philippians from a Roman jail cell.  While he was a prisoner in less than humane conditions, he posted the following to his Facebook wall:

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”  (4:8)

Who doesn’t benefit from that kind of status update?

Testing 1,2,3

rodarters

In every grade of every year at school, it is required that you take a test.   Sometimes the test covers the material you studied in class that month.  Sometimes the test is cumulative and covers the entire marking period.  You are tested in every class at every grade and each passed test is the prerequisite to take the next one.  There are no shortage of tests, and every one affects not only your grade in that class but your overall grade point average (G.P.A.) in school.  So important are these test results that a college or university can accept or deny your application based on how well you score.

Even well beyond the k-12 educational system, you continue to be tested.  To drive a car, you must pass a test.  To play a sport, you must pass a physical exam.  To become a doctor or nurse, you must pass the boards.  To become a lawyer, you must pass the Bar.  To sell real estate or insurance, you must pass a test to obtain your license.   Today, most jobs even require you to pass a drug test for employment.

Most tests have the following attributes in common:

  • You know it’s a test.   You may not have had any advanced notice it was coming, but you certainly know it’s a test while you are taking it.
  • They are designed to test your knowledge of the material, level of understanding or degree of skill.  (Except in the case of a drug test.  They just want to see if you smoke the wacky weed.)
  • The test is for the teacher’s benefit – to see what you know.
  • The test is designed to be hard.
  • Test results matter.  How you score is important to the test giver.
  • Your future is often determined by the result of the test.

Most of us hate taking tests and it is one of the reasons we are glad we are no longer in the classroom.  Since a test always reveals what you know or how you perform, they can be extremely validating or utterly humiliating and for many of us, we just don’t like the pressure.   We take them because we have to – not because we want to.  The good news is, the older we get the less tests we have to take.   At least, that’s what we think…

Did you know that God offers His own set of tests?   Life is God’s classroom and He offers a test every day with a keen eye on the results.  There are, however, a few differences between His tests (below) and the ones we normally take (above):

  1. You rarely know it’s a test from God when you are in the middle of it.  Too many of us realize it was a test long after we failed it.  To you it feels like a long line at Walmart.  He’s merely testing your patience.  To you it is just an annoying co-worker.  He’s just testing your ability to love difficult people.  To you it is just being over-worked and under-thanked.  God may be testing your servant’s heart.   If we knew it was a test, we would make sure we were “on.”  God doesn’t want us “on” for a test and off when it’s finished.   He wants us “on” Friday nights AND Monday afternoons – not just on Sunday morning.  He wants us “on” at work and at home and while you are grocery shopping – not just when the preacher is looking.  His tests are daily and subtle so that we can’t possibly study or cheat.  We are normally so caught off guard when He delivers His test that often we can’t even detect it’s happening.   Because of this, the test results are pure.
  2. His tests are not designed to test your knowledge.  God does not care about your degree of skill as much as He cares about your motives.  He doesn’t want to know how many Bible verses you know.  He wants to see how many you obey.  His tests focus on your character and integrity.  They often occur when you are alone.  Man tests the mind.  God tests your heart.
  3. His tests are not for His benefit, but for yours.  He already knows what’s in your heart. He already knows how you are going to respond.  He already has your test score completed – long before you even took the test.  His tests are perfectly suited to you.  The test is for you to guage where you are and what you need to do to improve.
  4. Like other tests, His are designed to be hard.  Anyone can pass an easy test.  Easy tests do not prove what you are made of.  God has no desire to develop soft students.  He wants to raise up men and women who can pass hard tests, like Job.
  5. Like other tests, the results matter to God.  He is extremely interested in whether you pass or fail.  Like it or not, He linked His name to your test result.  If you fail, His name gets the “F.”   Just as a child’s behavior reflects on the parent, so our test results reflect on Him.  When David committed adultery with Bathsheba, God was gracious to forgive but one of the consequences was the loss of his child.  The reason?  Because “by this deed you have given occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme.” (II Samuel 12).  In other words, David failed the test and God’s name was drug through the mud.  There is always a steep price for that level of failure.
  6. Like other tests, your future is often shaped by them.  Man’s tests are physical but God’s test are always spiritual.  Our tests can be passed by knowledge, intellect and studying.   God’s test can only be passed with things like prayer, faith, character, motives & integrity.  As a result, the stakes are higher.  If you fail a school test, you may fail the course or not graduate.  If you fail one of God’s tests, you could lose your job or family or reputation, or damage your character or worse.

I have failed too many tests in my day.   On one level, I do regret every “F” for who really likes to fail?  Some of my failures have really impacted other lives and that is hard to live with.  The truth is, there are more lessons in failures than success.  There are many days I wish I knew less.  On another level, though, I am grateful for my failures as they have taught me things that victory and success cannot.  I’d like to think I’ll never fail another test.  I have a feeling that’s not realistic.  My goal is to not make the same mistake twice.

testingPerhaps you have failed too many tests as well. Be encouraged for tomorrow is another exam.   Maybe you’ve even made the same mistake twice.   Or three times.  Regardless of how you did today, you can get a brand new grade tomorrow.  Recognize your failures.  Own them, and study where you went wrong.  Re-think how you would do the test differently, if given the opportunity.  Ask God for help.  Find someone to hold you accountable if you think you might fail again.    And be grateful for the lessons, no matter how big a price you paid for it.   God may use the lesson in your life to help others one day.  If nothing else, He is using today’s test to develop tomorrow’s faith.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature   and complete, not lacking anything.” – James 1:2-4

 

“Crazy” street preachers

rodarters

As I was driving through town yesterday, I noticed a man preaching at the thousands of cars that passed him. Actually, I think he is preaching to the drivers but since it is summertime in the South everyone has their windows up and are enjoying their air conditioning.  Maybe that is why the street preacher is screaming his message – to get through the glass?

What is his message?  Well, the “sermon” seemed to have a judgment theme to it. At least, the 90 seconds I actually heard before the light turned green. A couple of thoughts entered my head has he preached to his moving congregation:

  • He has got to be hot.
  • I wonder what church he goes to?
  • Is he homeless and bored or independently wealthy and called to preach?
  • Is he expecting a response from us? If so, what kind?  Do we honk to agree or disagree?
  • When he gives the altar call, do our cars “come forward” in response or do we leave our vehicles to follow him?
  • How long does he stay at that corner?
  • Does he work other corners in our city? If so, where, what time?  (Why do I even care what his preaching schedule is???)
  • What’s his story?  Was he doing this at recess in grade school or is this a relative new gig for him?
  • Is he a whack-job?  I mean – he is preaching down the street from the mental assylum.
  • Why is there not a reality TV show about street preachers?  God knows we have a reality show about everything else!
  • Why do street preachers intrigue me?
  • Why aren’t street preachers ever shouting about the importance of tithing or keeping the Sabbath or fasting?  Why is it always about wrath?
  • Does God really call people to do this… on the street…in the South… in the summertime?
  • Does he eat locusts like John the Baptist?

All these thoughts run through my head in 90 seconds, while I am trying to listen to what he is saying.  He has either lost his mind or he has the mind of Christ.  Maybe he is my brother in Christ?   I mean – he does have a Bible and he reads it more than most Christians I know – even if he is shouting to passerbys who aren’t listening.

I do know he makes me uncomfortable – kind of like the homeless man.  You are drawn to look and yet you do not want to be caught looking. He caught me looking today. So, I waved.  I didn’t know what to do so I waved.  Now that I mention it, that seems like an awkward response.   He must of thought so too with the look that he gave me.  I don’t think many people wave at him with all their fingers in the upright position.

He made me think about the prophet Jonah who was a street preacher sent to the town of Ninevah.  God told him to preach a sermon of hellfire and brimstone to everyone he could.  I wonder what Ninevah thought of Jonah.  Fresh out of the belly of a whale, I’m sure he looked a lot like the homeless-looking street preachers we often see in our cities.

I wonder if some Ninevite man in a chariot ever waved at him?  If they ignored Jonah’s message, Ninevah would have been destroyed in 40 days.  God takes His warnings very seriously.  Fortunately for Ninevah, the people took heed of Jonah’s message and the entire city repented, all 120,000 of them.   To this day, it is still the largest recorded revival ever to occur.

Maybe I should listen to this street preacher’s message – all of it, not just the convenient 90 seconds because the light is red?  What if God sent him to that specific street corner with that specific message for those specific people?   Maybe I should stop and encourage another brother in the ministry?  I have a feeling he doesn’t get much encouragement.  Or maybe he is truly a whack-job and he escaped from the local hospital?   Most people probably think this man is crazy.  Then again, doing what God tells you to do can feel crazy for all of us (loving an enemy, praying for those who persecute you, turning the other cheek, walking by faith, etc)

I think I will say a prayer for him and for all the “crazy” street preachers I come in contact with.  I wonder what crazy thing God will tell me to do today.   I wonder if I will have the guts and faith to actually do it?

Moral of the story: Pray for the street preachers and roll down your windows. You might hear something that will challenge you… or worse yet – change you.   If nothing else, you just prayed for a guy who could use a prayer.

“For each time I speak, I cry aloud; I proclaim violence and destruction, because for me the word of the Lord has resulted in reproach and derision all day long. But if I say, ‘I will not remember Him or speak anymore in His name,” then in my heart it becomes like a burning fire shut up in my bones; and I am weary of holding it in, and I cannot endure it.” – Jeremiah 20:8-9

How to help a hurting friend

rodarters

I have a close friend of mine who is hurting. Really hurting.  In fact, I seem to have several friends that are struggling on different levels.  Some are struggling physically with an ailment or a disease.  Many are struggling financially.  Most are struggling emotionally.   When times are hard, people are hurting.

When I think about someone who understands how painful life can be, I think of the biblical character named Job.   In the book that bears his name, we are told that Job was the “greatest of all the men of the east.”   He is married with ten children, extremely wealthy and described as “blameless, upright, fearing God and turning away from evil.”   By all accounts, Job is a good man living a blessed life.   That is, until the sixth verse of chapter one when everything changes.

God initiated a conversation with Satan about Job and his many unique attributes, mentioned above.  Satan, being the accuser he is, argued that the only reason Job was “good” was because God was blessing him.  Take away the blessings (wealth & health) and Job would cease to be good.  To prove him wrong, God allows Satan to do whatever he wants to His servant, Job so long as he spares Job’s life.   What happens next is truly unbelievable.   Within a matter of minutes, Satan orchestrates four “freak accidents” that end up taking the lives of all his children and causing him to go bankrupt overnight.   To make matters worse, Satan eventually afflicts Job with painful boils all over his body, “from the sole of his foot to the crown of his head.”  To relieve the suffering, Job “took a potsherd (broken piece of pottery) to scrape himself while he was sitting among the ashes.”  

Job went from being the greatest man in all the east to being the most miserable – in less than an hour.   On our worst day, none of us have ever had to endure such tragedy and pain.  Even Job’s wife encouraged him to “curse God and die.”   Nice comforting words from someone who is supposed to be your closest earthly friend. 

Job is now alone.   All his children are dead.  All their homes are destroyed.  All his livestock (and therefore his business) are gone.  He no longer has the support of his wife.  As a sign of mourning, he tore his robe, shaved his head and is now sitting in a pile of ashes.  And if that is not enough – he is in excruciating pain trying to deal with bloody, open wounds on his entire body.    Imagine the physical and emotional pain.  Imagine the loss!  Job is unaware that all of this is occurring because of an invisible divine dialogue.   All Job knows is he is hurting and struggling for hope.  Even in the midst of this, Job does not lose his faith in God.

Enter Job’s three friends; Eliphaz, Bildad & Zophar.  What these three men do is leave an example for us of what to do (chapter 2) and what not to do (chapters 4 to 37) when someone is hurting.   The passage is in italics.  The lessons are in bold.

Oil painting by Ilya Yefimovich-Repin – 1869

Job 2:11 – “When Job’s three friends, Eliphaz the Temanite, Bildad the Shuhite and Zophar the Naamathite, heard about all the troubles that had come upon him, they set out from their homes and met together by agreement to go and sympathize with him and comfort him.”

Lesson #1: The friends went to Job as soon as they heard he was hurting.  Do you do that?  Job’s friends did not wait for Job to be in a position to call for help.  Oftentimes, the people who are hurting can’t reach out for help.  The pain is too deep and the wounds are too sensitive.  They need for us to come to them.  Job’s friends went to Job.  Are you THAT kind of friend? 

Lesson #2: Their initial goal was sympathy and comfort, not advice.  Job did not need advice.  He did not need a sermon.  He did not need anyone to tell him why they thought God was allowing this.  He simply needed someone to be with him during his darkest hour offering silent support.  When his friends opened their mouth (chapters 4 to 37), Job lost his comfort and wavered in his faith.

Job 2:12 – “When they saw him from a distance, they could hardly recognize him; they began to weep aloud, and they tore their robes and sprinkled dust on their heads.”

Lesson #3: Job’s friends did not lose their kids.  His friends did not lose their jobs.  They were not in physical torment.   And yet, they joined Job in his suffering and communicated their solidarity with him.  If Job’s heart was breaking, so was theirs.   How well do you identify with the suffering of your friends – even if you have never experienced what they are going through?  Romans 12:15 says to “rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.”  The goal is to be compassionate and empathetic, regardless of someone’s situation.  Are you THAT kind of friend?

Job 2:13 – “Then they sat on the ground with him for seven days and seven nights.   No one said a word to him, because they saw how great his suffering was.”

Lesson #4: Job’s friends got on Job’s level and stayed with him for as long as they could.  The lesson is not where we physically sit.  The lesson is not staying for a week after each tragedy.  The principle is getting on the same level as your hurting friend and seeing them through the pain completely.   Throughout the Bible, the number seven is a number of completion.  It’s not the seven days that is important, it’s the fact that Job’s friends were communicating – “We are here for the long haul, Job.  We are here for you – regardless of how long this takes.”  Anyone can offer initial support.  Anyone can send a card or give a few bucks to assist.  But are you the “I will sit with you until your pain is relieved” type of friend?  When lives fall apart, it can get real messy.  It’s not easy loving a hurting friend.  Are you THAT kind of friend?

An update and a word of thanks…

(Three years ago, my world came crashing down.  In a matter of months, I lost virtually everything dear to me.  In those early days, there were only three things that kept me going; my faith in Christ, my family and a few close friends.  Though I had hundreds of friends, only a handful took the initiative to come to me, cry with me, “tear their robes” and stay until the situation improved.  A special thank you to my family and the following friends: Mike, Brady, Brian, Jonathan, Ken, Wendy, David & Ginger, Dawson & Kasey.  Without you, I would not have made it off my ash-heap.)

Wonder Faith = Faith that makes you wonder.

rodarters

I was talking with a friend recently and he was describing a friend of ours as a “man of faith.”   I thought about that description and agreed, it was true.  But the more I thought about it the more I realized we are all people of faith.  Christians have faith in God.  Muslims have faith in Allah.  Miami has faith in Lebron.  Children have faith in their parents.  Even an athiest has faith…in himself.   Everyone has faith in someone or something.   Everyday we place our trust somewhere; people, chairs, vehicles, banks, dead-bolt locks, etc.   The question is not whether we have faith.  The real question is where do we place it?

God simplifies the discussion of faith.  From His perspective, you either have faith in Him (the Creator) or faith in His creation.  There is no middle ground.  Throughout the Bible, God calls His people to trust Him.   Throughout the Bible, they don’t.

Last summer my five year old and I were enjoying some time in the pool.   While he was standing on the side, I asked him to jump to me in the four foot section.  He refused.  I told him he was safe.  He refused.  I told him that I would catch him.  He refused.  I told him I would not let his head go under.  He refused.  I told him that the little girl over there does it all the time.  He refused.  I told him I would give him $1.00.  He refused.  I told him it would be fun.  He refused.  NOTHING I tried would convince him to do it.  Though he would not articulate it like this, it was obvious why he did not jump.  He simply did not trust me.   I was very frustrated, since I know my abilities.  I was also kind of hurt.  And then it hit me.   Every day, we communicate the same thing to God.

  • When we don’t tithe, we are telling Him we do not trust Him with our finances.
  • When we date people we shouldn’t, we are telling Him we do not trust Him with our relationships.
  • When we take revenge, we are telling Him we do not trust Him to handle the situation.
  • When we steal, we are telling Him we do not trust Him to provide.
  • When we indulge in our addictive behaviors, we are telling Him that we do not trust Him to handle our problems.

Throughout the Bible, God is constantly challenging us to trust Him.  Twice Jesus is recorded as being moved by our faith.

  1. In the first passage (Matthew 8), Jesus witnesses the faith of a Roman Centurion and is stunned by what He sees.   A Roman Centurion would NOT be someone anyone in Palestine would call a “man of faith.”   And yet, he was.   Instead of his faith being placed in Caesar, this centurion trusted Christ to heal his servant.   And Jesus noticed.  He always notices when our faith is placed in the right direction.   “Now when Jesus heard (the centurion’s faith), He marveled and said to those who were following, “Truly I say to you, I have not found such great faith with anyone in Israel.”   (Apparently the faith of this pagan centurion was greater than the faith of His disciples Peter, James & John.  That would make me marvel too.)
  2. In Mark 6, Jesus is spending time in His hometown of Nazareth.   While He was there, a discussion breaks out over His true identity.  “Is not this the carpenter, the son of Mary, and brother of James?”, they asked.  “Where did this man get these things“, they wondered.   Yes, He was a man.  But He was also God and those closest to Him couldn’t see it.   We are told that Jesus did not perform any miracles there.   As was His custom, He would never do a miracle for people who did not trust Him.  After all, He was not a dog and pony show.  He would not “throw His pearls before swine.”  Before He left HIS backyard, “He wondered at their unbelief.”

When God looks at my life, would my faith make Him marvel or just make Him wonder?   There are some areas of my life that I trust God alot.  If I am honest, there are other areas where I don’t trust Him at all.  It’s ludicrous, if you think about it.   I stand on the edge of His pool and I refuse to jump in.   I cling to all my worthless excuses as if they are legitimate.  I know He is able to catch me.  I know He has my best interests in mind.  I know that I won’t drown.  I know I would enjoy “life more abundantly” (John 10:10) if I took that leap of faith.  But I don’t.  I stand by the edge, even for years, wondering what would it be like to swim in His ocean of faith.

Where are you in relation to His pool?   Are you on the side of the pool as well?   What is He calling you to do?  Break up with that boyfriend?  Quit your job?  Start that business?  Make that phone call?  Write that letter?   Forgive that person?  Love that man?  Embrace your past?   Move to that state?  Marry that girl?  Give that money?  Go on that mission trip?  Downsize your house?   Pray that prayer?  Go to seminary?  Quit that habit?   Join that church?

Put simply, we either trust Him or we don’t.   He can marvel at our faith or wonder why we won’t trust Him.   There is no middle ground.  We are either standing on the edge or we are swimming in the pool.   I don’t know about you, but I’m tired of being dry.

In my Bible, I have the following poem taped on the inside cover.  It is a constant reminder to me to trust God with my future:

“I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year, “Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.”  And he replied, “Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God.  That shall be to you better than the light and safer than the known!”  So I went forth and finding the hand of God, trod gladly into the night.” – M. Louise Haskins

If you were to count every verse in the Bible and determine the exact middle verse – it would be this one: Psalm 118:8.   At the very center of His word, this is God’s message to us:

“It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in man.”

The church search

rodarters

I have been looking for a new church to attend.  It’s been quite the experience.   Though I have attended church all of my life, I find myself looking at the whole church search through a different set of lenses these days.  Whether it’s been the conservative Presbyterian church, the big Baptist church, the liberal Methodist church, the ultra-traditional Greek Orthodox church or the casually dressed “pastor on a screen” church – here are some random thoughts on my experience the last several months:

  • THE VISITOR PARKING SPACE.   This is great.  For anyone new to the church, it really makes it easy to know where to park.   Good job to the churches that have it.  What’s sad is that most of the time, I’m the only car in that spot on Sunday.   Minutes later, I realize why.
  • THE PARKING LOT GREETERS.   Some churches have men in orange vests directing you into the church parking lot like you would at a professional sporting event.  I’m waiting for them to charge me $10 to park.  Other churches don’t have anyone in the parking lot looking to help you.  I guess those churches don’t care whether you make it inside.  Or maybe they assume you’ll find the door, just like you would at the mall.  Personally, I like the greeters in the parking lot.  Who doesn’t want to be greeted with a friendly face as you enter a strange environment?
  • THE AT-THE-DOOR GREETERS.   Some churches have people stationed at the door to greet you.  They are generally pretty friendly.  Others let you get the door yourself.  Some have people ready to hand you a bulletin of some sort.  Other churches assume you are illiterate and just hope you listen real well.   Some in the front lobby actually approach you and try to make you feel welcome.  Others avoid you like the invisible person you are.  Most people do care that you are there, except for when they are ignoring you.   Kudos to the churches that have someone at the doors to greet.  If somehow you missed the greeting sniper in the parking lot, these door bouncers are sure to get you.
  • THE STAND-UP-AND-GREET SOMEONE NEAR YOU IN THE PEW.   Some churches, in the middle of their service, ask everyone to walk around and greet someone near you.  I find this aspect very disconcerting.  What should I say, (“May the force be with you?”)  How much time is allotted?  Am I greeting someone who just got over the flu?   Do I tell them my name only or my last big sin?  No matter how you slice it, it’s just an awkward time for visitors.  Can you imagine if, during the 7th inning stretch, the ballpark announcer asked you to leave your seat and greet someone you don’t know?  I mean, the mall doesn’t ask you to suspend shopping to greet nearby shoppers.  The grocery store does not ask you to bump carts with the nearest person and share recipes.   The reason churches do this, I think, is to make it easier on its members from actually doing the hard work of greeting someone new.  One Sunday, I did get hugged by three stranger women.  Granted, they were all over the age of seventy but hey, a hug is a hug.
  • THE OFFERING PLATE.   This is always an interesting dilemma for a visitor.  To give or not to give, that is the question.  It feels like a free car wash, without the soapy water.  If you do give, you feel super spiritual for putting something in the plate like all the saints around you.  If you do not give, you actually feel like the cheap sinner you are and NOW everyone else knows it.  You know the people near you are thinking, “Jeez, I bet he doesn’t even pay for his car wash either.”  
  • THE MUSIC.   For the contemporary churches – “deafening” is the new volume, it seems.   I thought it was loud because I am over 40 and all those years of rock concerts made me hard of hearing.   Nope.  When I took my six-year-old, he spent the entire service with the “hear no evil” posture.  It’s amusing to watch the reaction of people who think my son is boycotting church music.  I try to tell them that he’s just trying to stop the bleeding.  It’s futile.  They can’t hear me.  It’s often so loud that I can’t hear myself sing… so I don’t.  The musicians look at me and wonder why I’m not singing.  I think they’re offended.  It’s just hard to sing when the sound barrier is broken in my face.  They do provide free earplugs, which is nice.  Apparently, you shouldn’t wear them during the sermon.
  • THE SERMON.   Very interesting to see the different styles of preaching at each church.  One preacher taught through a passage of Scripture – verse by verse using illustrations.   Well done.  One pastor had the Bible in his hand the entire sermon but never opened it.  He told lots of stories and summarized the Bible’s teaching.  One man used a bunch of props and videos.  Very entertaining but I’m not sure what his point was.  I’m not sure he knew either.  Though the sanctuary was filled with a bunch of adults, one evangelist told a bunch of junior high style jokes like a comedian.   The only difference, he wasn’t funny.

You will never find a perfect church or a perfect church service.  18th century British pastor, Charles Spurgeon remarked, “The day we find the perfect church, it becomes imperfect the moment we join it.”   C.S. Lewis wrote, “The perfect church service would be one we were almost unaware of.  Our attention would have been on God.”  

A special word to my NON-CHURCH friends:   Go to church.  This Sunday.  Pick one and go.  If you don’t like the church you grew up with, pick another one.   Just as all food in the grocery store is not the same in content, quality or nutrition – so is the church.   Not every church teaches the Truth, as found in the Bible.  Not every church loves sinners, or even visitors for that matter – so find one that does.  But know this – just because people go to church or dress nicely does not mean they have their act together.  Most of them don’t.  You’ll fit right in.  Yes, the church is filled with hypocrites.  But don’t use that lame smoke-screen excuse to keep you from entering.  As preacher Billy Sunday once noted, “Hypocrites in the Church?  Yes, and they are in the lodge and in your home. Don’t hunt through the Church for a hypocrite. Go home and look in the mirror.  Hypocrites? Yes.  See that you make the number one less.” 

A special word to my CHURCH friends.   Look for visitors at your church.  Seek them out.  Greet them before you are told to by the pastor.  Find them in the parking lot and open the doors for them.  Some of them left their church and are looking for a new place to connect.  Others haven’t been in church in years and really need a word from God in these hard times.  You just never know if the person or family that just entered is going through a rough time in their life and needs a new Christian friend.  Some have messy lives.  Some are divorced or struggling with an addiction or just got out of prison.  They might smoke or drink or curse or look at porn.  Love them anyway.  They may not be in church because they feel unworthy to walk in.   Perhaps this Sunday they mustered up the courage to finally enter.  Let them find in you a compassionate person with a friendly demeanor.

Remember, you are simply a church beggar telling a visiting beggar where to find Bread.

The Amish fragrance

rodarters

Forgiveness is a tricky thing.  Everyone wants it when they need it.  Few want to give it when they should.

It’s like opening a door for someone.  We always want it done for us.   But it’s really a pain and inconvenient to do it for someone else.   I’ve noticed that we barely hold doors for each other anymore.   If we cannot even tolerate doing that simple physical act, it should not surprise us that so few are willing to do the heavy lifting of the emotionally exhausting task of forgiving someone who hurt us.  We have a deficiency of forgiveness in our world and it is fracturing our families, friendships and culture.  Why is forgiveness so difficult to practice in our daily lives?  I have at least three theories:

  1. One reason that forgiveness is so rare is because of our lack of examples.   Forgiveness is not what is modeled in Hollywood from our action heroes.  Revenge sells, forgiveness does not.  It is not sung about by our favorite musicians.  Sex sells, forgiveness does not.  It is not written about by the New York Times best sellers.  Vampires sell, forgiveness does not.  It is not mentioned in our daily evening news program.  Murders sell, forgiveness does not.   Like the story of a man who returns a lost wallet, the only reason it is newsworthy and memorable is because so few do it.  It may be preached about from an occasional pulpit but it is rarely lived out consistently in the pew.  And sadly, it is rarely exercised in our homes.   Parents yelling at each other.  Kids fighting.  Mean words.  Hurtful behavior.  Snide remarks.  Sarcastic comments.  The silent treatment.   And that is from the people we love.  The concept of forgiving an enemy is almost laughable if we cannot even forgive our friends.  Like it or not, forgiveness is more caught than taught.  We forgive because we were forgiven.
  2. Another reason forgiveness is so rare is because it is so hard.  In fact, it may be the hardest thing you ever have to do.  It is simply easier to walk away than it is to face and address the cause of our pain.  Logically, this makes sense. From our earliest memory, we have been taught and conditioned to avoid pain.   The first word I ever learned was “hot”.  Apparently the stove was an attraction to me as a child.  I’m not suggesting that we should be sadistic and pursue pain or to see how long we can tolerate it.  I am not saying that people need to endure or remain in an abusive situation.  But I am suggesting that perhaps we need to build up a stronger threshold to some pain and learn how to address it, particularly in regards to forgiving others.  Face it, we are a soft culture.  We are warriors in the virtual world and cowards in the real one.  We would rather work out physically than produce one drop of sweat emotionally.   Instead of having a thick skin around a soft heart, our thin skin barely covers a hard heart.  We love to dish it out but so few can take it.
  3. Lastly, most people cannot get past the offense.   Forgiveness is nearly impossible when you only focus on the offense.  In other words, if my focus is only on the offense done to me, I’ll never get to the point of forgiving the offender.   The wrong, no matter how wrong, should always remind us of the wrong that lives in us.  The pain we receive, no matter how painful, should always remind us of how capable we are of inflicting pain on others.  When viewed in that context, it should make us a bit more sympathetic to the offender and a bit more empathetic to forgive.   The problem is we are normally blinded by the wrong and too overwhelmed by the pain to stop and remember – someone else has been hurt by us.

When I think of the topic of forgiveness, I am often reminded of the grisly events of October 2, 2006 in Lancaster, PA.  A gunman entered an Amish schoolhouse, barricaded the door and shot ten girls (aged 6-13) execution style, leaving five dead.  He then killed himself.  The harmless Amish community were shocked at what had happened.  Such brutality.  Such innocence lost.   Such evil.   How would you respond to such a senseless crime?  What would you do if that was your daughter or granddaughter?   Your sister?  Your niece?   What the Amish did that day was supernatural.  They set for us an amazing example.

On the day of the shooting, a grandfather of one of the murdered Amish girls was heard warning some young relatives not to hate the killer, saying, “We must not think evil of this man.”  Another Amish father noted, “I don’t think there’s anybody here that wants to do anything but forgive and not only reach out to those who have suffered a loss in that way but to reach out to the family of the man who committed these acts.”   Days later, the Amish set up a charitable fund for the family of the shooter.  30 Amish members attended the gunman’s funeral.

Has any offense been done to YOU that is worse than this?   Was your first reaction to forgive?  Were you in a position of emotional strength to forgive ON THE DAY of the offense?  Did you reach out to the offender or their family?   Remember, hurt people hurt people.   You aren’t the only one in pain here.

Un-forgiveness and bitterness are a cancer that only forgiveness can cure.   Holding a grudge only holds you.  Every offense brings a terrible odor to that relationship.  At that point, only the offended can change that smell.   Adding un-forgiveness to the offense is like spraying a skunk with manure.   Someone has to fix the stench and the offended party is the only one in a position to do it.   Mark Twain understood this when he wrote, “Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.”  

If you’re honest, there is probably a person out there you need to forgive.   Forgiveness does not excuse the wrong.  Forgiveness does not minimize the crime.  Forgiveness does not reduce the consequences.  But forgiveness does something that avoidance or prison cannot – it can bring healing and restoration to you, the offender and even that relationship.

I don’t want to raise any barns.  I’m not interested in churning any butter or even wearing black outfits for the rest of my life.  I prefer six horsepowers over one with a buggy.  The Amish may not use electricity.   They don’t know how to use a toaster or even surf the web.   But they understand how to forgive, not just with their lips – but even with their life.

The Amish can teach all of us sophisticated people a lesson or two.

“Like” me!!

rodarters

I have a confession to make.  I like being liked.  I like when others like the things that I like.  I like the “like” button on Facebook and use it often.  I like things so often I make a Valley girl, like totally embarrassed.

I find myself uploading a photo on Facebook and waiting for someone (anyone!) to “like” it.   I’ll enter some semi-creative status update and hope that someone comments on it, somehow making my post more relevant.  Or I’ll write a post to my blog and see how many “hits” I receive throughout the day.  (This morning I had 30 visits to my blog before I even woke up!) I like to see what countries are reading my blog.  (Someone from Singapore read it today).   I am embarrassed to admit how delighted I am when someone “likes” a comment of mine on a friend’s page.   In some messed up insecure way, my online self-worth is directly related to the number of times you select the “thumbs up” button or comment on my cyber presence.  It should not surprise you that one of my favorite sights is below.   It is the calculator of how many times someone liked me since the last time I signed online to check, eight minutes ago.

I fully realize that being “liked” online is performance driven.  The more I say, the more I am liked.  The more stuff I write, the more pictures I post – the more opportunities I give others to “like” me, thus increasing my cyber net worth.

What is happening to me???  What have I become?  I feel like I am back in grade school, receiving a gold star on my drawing.  Or flashing back to 7th grade gym glass after being picked by the team captain in a game of kickball.   I LIKE the feeling of being LIKED.

But did you know that God likes you?  I mean, He really likes you. When God thinks of you, He smiles.   If you were to draw God a picture, He would put it on His fridge.   If God had a wallet, your picture would be in it.   If God had a lap, He’d want you to sit in it and tell Him about your day.  He loves hearing your voice, particularly when you are using it to talk with Him.  And I think it makes Him smile big when He hears you laughing.   He doesn’t love you more when you say your prayers.  He doesn’t like you less when you lose your temper.

Honestly, I don’t often think of God in this way.  I sometimes picture Him as an angry God who is out to get me for the bad thing I did today.  He is the sniper God looking to “take me out” after each sin.   Or maybe He is more like the absentee God who really doesn’t care what I’m doing or who I am with down here.   I figure He really likes me when I’m good and He hates me even more when I’m bad.

But then I remember… my kids.

When I look at my children, I smile.  I really like them.  When my kids draw me a picture, I put it on my fridge.  Their pictures are in my wallet and on my phone for daily viewing.  When they are near, I love to get them close and hear about their day.   I love hearing them talk – particularly to me.  It makes me smile big when I hear them laughing.  I don’t like them more when they get along with each other.  I don’t love them less when they do bad things.  I love them simply because they are mine.

I am their loving Daddy.  They are my beautiful children.  I stare at them when they are sleeping.   I think about them during the day.  I give them whatever I have.  I serve them constantly.  I provide for them in every way I know how.  I would protect them from the fiercest attack.  I would help them at any hour.   I do my very best to teach them everything I know.  And there is no corner of the earth that they could go where I would not follow.  There is no crime they could commit that I would not forgive.  And if I needed to, I would die for them without hesitation. That is what I think about my kids.

THAT is how God thinks of us.

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” – Romans 8:38-39

******* SHAMELESS PLUG *******

“Like” me on Facebook: “Rod Arters, Writer”     ALSO…

If you haven’t heard of Curt Cloninger, you need to check him out.  Curt is a gifted actor who does an amazing presentation called “God views”, a humorous look at 5 different ways we view God.  Here is Curt playing God as “Party Host on YouTube: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aV7c70l54i4

For more about his ministry, visit him at: www.curtcloninger.com or on Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/?ref=tn_tnmn#!/curt.cloninger

Road Grace

rodarters

People fascinate me.   What they do.  What they say.  What they wear.  People watching is one of my favorite past-times.  I particularly enjoy this activity at an airport for two reasons.  First, you get to see the widest selection of people in one place AND secondly, it means I’m going somewhere exciting.

I find myself distracted by this hobby even at the grocery store.  Grocery shopping already takes me too long but add the people watching, and I’m there all night.  I’m curious as to why that man wears colored socks with sandals.  I wonder why that woman thinks it’s appropriate to wear that skirt… ever.   Don’t these people have loved ones at home to prevent them from going out in public like that?  I’m not too upset about it though.  After all, they provide fodder for my hobby.   And now, thanks to the internet and websites like peopleofwalmart.com – people watching is available to all without leaving the comfort of your own home.

Watching people drive has me particularly fascinated.   I thought about publishing a photo book called “Nose picking drivers.”  And if the police would give me a mini-light and siren, I could make about 20 citizen arrests for all the texting and driving I see.   What I have never understood is how short a fuse most drivers have.   I have noticed that tempers seem to flare quicker behind a wheel than almost anywhere else.   Sit at a green light for more than 3 seconds and horns will honk.   Don’t turn right on red and even the old ladies start yelling.  And for goodness sake, do not go under the speed limit on any highway for any reason.  You’ll receive the #1 sign (with the middle finger) almost immediately when they pass.

Anger, by definition, is a strong feeling of displeasure and belligerence aroused by a wrong.  Apparently, waiting at a red light longer than you have to creates that strong feeling of displeasure.  Going too slow is just wrong – particularly if you are in a belligerent hurry.

But why the instant rage with a nice guy like me?  To my knowledge, I never offended that driver in the past.   Was my “wrong” THAT wrong?  Why does the anger appear so quickly in so many?  What causes this phenomenon to be so common that we even have a nationally recognized name for it, “Road Rage?”

Apparently the human condition hasn’t changed much in 2,000 years.   Maybe Chariot & donkey rage was a big issue in first century Palestine as well?  James, the brother of Jesus, questioned the nature of arguments when he wrote, “What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you?”  His answer: “Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You desire but do not have, so you kill.  You covet but you cannot get what you want, so you quarrel and fight.  (Or in our case, honk)

Not all anger is inappropriate, however.  There are times when anger is not only normal but expected.   Even Jesus expressed righteous rage and in the Temple of all places!  Over the years I have used the following checklist to help keep my anger “in check”.   Perhaps this will be of benefit to you should you struggle with a short fuse – particularly behind the wheel.

8 questions to help me discern & resolve inappropriate anger:

  1. Is my anger selfishly motivated?  (James 1:20)
  2. Am I angry because I am offended or because God is offended?
  3. Have I taken the time to think through this “offense?”   What are some likely scenarios that could have caused the other person to wrong me without malice?
  4. Will I be just as angry about this one week from now?  One year from now?  (Matthew 25:14-30)
  5. Have I allowed my anger to linger past sundown?  (Ephesians 4:26-27)
  6. What have I done to cause this situation?  What can I do to make right this wrong?  (Matthew 18:15-18)
  7. If God were in my shoes, would He be angry as well?  (Jonah 4:5-11)
  8. Would He be angry for the same reasons?

Next time you’re tempted to honk – think about this list.   Assume the wrong done to you was unintentional.   Use the horn for emergencies only and show some Road Grace, even if you’re not on the road.