Category: Christian

Single? 10 creative ways to find a mate

rodarters

It is estimated that there are over 54 million single people in the United States.  Most of my single friends say the same thing about finding love, “It’s so hard to meet someone decent.”   Many of them have exhausted the traditional places one searches for their next date (the church, the bar, the office, the gym – to name a few).   Beyond those places, where else can you go?   Before they allow their parents to pre-arrange anything, many today go online.

According to StatisticBrain.com, 40 million American singles have tried online dating sites like eHarmony or Match.com.  With the average dater spending over $200 per year for such sites, the industry rakes in over 1 billion dollars annually.  The Beatles claimed that “You can’t buy me love.”   Apparently, they were wrong.  Love can be purchased and it has a steep price tag.  Interestingly, (according to the same website) the typical online marriage lasts just over 18 months long.   Love is expensive!

But what if you do not live in a technological area?  What if, for example, you are Amish?  Would you attend the local barn raising event or enter a butter churning contest to find a suitable mate?  What if you did not grow up in a technological era?   Where would you find love if you grew up in a Biblical town during the Biblical days?  After a brief survey of the Bible, I have compiled a list of how folks in the Bible found their mate.  After reading the below segment, it should make online dating (OR letting your parents choose for you) much more attractive.   If you are single, perhaps one of the methods below will work for you?

10 CREATIVE WAYS TO FIND A MATE – ACCORDING TO THE BIBLE:

1.  Have God create a wife for you while you are asleep. 

“The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”  But for Adam  no suitable helper was found.  So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribsand then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.” (Genesis 2:18-24). 

2.  Marry your sister.   (Where do you think Cain’s wife came from??   Prior to the passage below, the only people mentioned on earth are Adam & Eve.)

“Cain made love to his wife, and she became pregnant and gave birth to Enoch. Cain was then building a city,   and he named it after his son Enoch. To Enoch was born Irad, and Irad was the father of Mehujael, and Mehujael was the father of Methushael, and Methushael was the father of Lamech.  Lamech married  two women,  one named Adah and the other Zillah.” (Genesis 4:17-19)

3.  Find a man who owns a farm that has lots of daughters.  Impress him by watering his flock.

“Now a priest of Midian had seven daughters, and they came to draw water and fill the troughs to water their father’s flock. Some shepherds came along and drove them away, but Moses got up and came to their rescue  and watered their flock.  When the girls returned to Reuel  their father, he asked them, “Why have you returned so early today?”  They answered, “An Egyptian rescued us from the shepherds. He even drew water for us and watered the flock.”   “And where is he?” Reuel asked his daughters. “Why did you leave him? Invite him to have something to eat.”  Moses agreed to stay with the man, who gave his daughter Zipporah  to Moses in marriage.”  (Exodus 2:16-21)

4.  Find an attractive prisoner of war, bring her home, shave her head, trim her nails, and give her new clothes. Then she’s yours.

“When you go to war against your enemies and the Lord your God delivers them into your hands and you take captives, if you notice among the captives a beautiful woman and are attracted to her, you may take her as your wife.   Bring her into your home and have her shave her head, trim her nails and put aside the clothes she was wearing when captured.”  (Deuteronomy 21:11-13)

5.  Find a prostitute and marry her.

“When the Lord began to speak through Hosea, the Lord said to him, “Go, marry a promiscuous woman and have children with her, for like an adulterous wife this land is guilty of unfaithfulness to the Lord.”  So he married Gomer daughter of Diblaim, and she conceived and bore him a son.” (Hosea 1:2-3)

A prophet marrying a prostitute?  Now there’s a headline!

6.  Purchase a piece of property.  Make sure a woman is part of the deal. 

“Then Boaz announced to the elders and all the people, “Today you are witnesses that I have bought from Naomi all the property of Elimelek, Kilion and Mahlon. I have also acquired Ruth the Moabite, Mahlon’s widow, as my wife, in order to maintain the name of the dead with his property, so that his name will not disappear from among his family or from his hometown.   Today you are witnesses! ”  (Ruth 4:9-10)

7.  Go to a party and hide. When the women come out to dance, grab one and carry her off to be your wife.

“And the elders of the assembly said, “With the women of Benjamin destroyed, how shall we provide wives for the men who are left?  The Benjamite survivors must have heirs,” they said, “so that a tribe of Israel will not be wiped out.  We can’t give them our daughters as wives, since we Israelites have taken this oath: ‘Cursed be anyone who gives a wife to a Benjamite.’ But look, there is the annual festival of the Lord in Shiloh,  which lies north of Bethel, east of the road that goes from Bethel to Shechem,  and south of Lebonah.”  So they instructed the Benjamites, saying, “Go and hide in the vineyards and watch. When the young women of Shiloh come out to join in the dancing, rush from the vineyards and each of you seize one of them to be your wife. Then return to the land of Benjamin. When their fathers or brothers complain to us, we will say to them, ‘Do us the favor of helping them, because we did not get wives for them during the war. You will not be guilty of breaking your oath because you did not give your daughters to them.’”  So that is what the Benjamites did. While the young women were dancing,  each man caught one and carried her off to be his wife.”  (Judges 21:16-25)

(Warning: I have a feeling that this option would carry some serious legal ramifications if tried today.  Just sayin’.)

8.  Cut 200 foreskins off of your future father-in-law’s enemies and get his daughter for a wife.

“Then Saul ordered his attendants: “Speak to David privately and say, ‘Look, the king likes you, and his attendants all love you; now become his son-in-law.’”  They repeated these words to David. But David said, “Do you think it is a small matter to become the king’s son-in-law?  I’m only a poor man and little known.”  When Saul’s servants told him what David had said, Saul replied, “Say to David, ‘The king wants no other price for the bride than a hundred Philistine foreskins, to take revenge on his enemies.’” Saul’s plan was to have David fall by the hands of the Philistines.  When the attendants told David these things, he was pleased to become the king’s son-in-law. So before the allotted time elapsed, David took his men with him and went out and killed two hundred Philistines and brought back their foreskins. They counted out the full number to the king so that David might become the king’s son-in-law. Then Saul gave him his daughter Michal  in marriage.” (I Samuel 18:22-27)

(A word of caution here: Think twice before you use this method to obtain a wife, as this option is life-threatening.  If this is what your future father-in-law requires you to do before he gives you his daughter’s hand in marriage, ask yourself if this is really the kind of family you want to get involved with?   Lastly, if you thought admitting that you met your mate online was embarrassing, try this one.)

9.  Grab someone else’s wife and kill her husband.  

(Warning: It’s a very bad idea, breaks two major commandments and will not end well for you or the husband.  II Samuel 11 covers the entire story.)

10.  Don’t be so picky. Make up for quality with quantity.

“King Solomon, however, loved many foreign women besides Pharaoh’s daughter—Moabites, Ammonites, Edomites, Sidonians and Hittites. They were from nations about which the Lord had told the Israelites, “You must not intermarry with them, because they will surely turn your hearts after their gods.” Nevertheless, Solomon held fast to them in love.  He had seven hundred wives of royal birth and three hundred concubines, and his wives led him astray.”  (1 Kings 11:1-3)

(For those of you who are married, you know how hard it is to please one wife.  Can you imagine 700 or more?   This option really is not wise at all.  Interestingly, Solomon was considered to be the wisest man to ever have lived.   Apparently even the wisest among us have lapses of judgment from time to time.)

Final note…

If you are reading this and are married, thank God that He has provided you with a spouse.  Do what YOU can to strengthen that marriage TODAY since we know that a strong marriage is wonderful for both the family and the country.  Remember, “God hates divorce” (Malachi 2:16) and NO ONE wins when that option is chosen, except maybe a lawyer.

If you are reading this and are single, thank God as well.  Perhaps you are not called to be married (I Corinthians 7:24) or that God is saving you from severe heartache?  If you think you are lonely now, it pales in comparison to being lonely in a marriage.  Or maybe you are not ready for a relationship yet and God is still working on your relationship with Him (Matthew 6:33).  Regardless of the reason, embrace and enjoy your singlehood.  There are many who jumped too quickly into marriage (for all the wrong reasons) and would love to trade places with you now.

Personally, I’d choose option #1.   How cool would that be?   You drift off asleep – dreaming about the perfect spouse and when you wake up – there he/she is – ready for you!   Humorously, an evangelist (Ray Comfort) once remarked that “God put man into a deep sleep and nowhere in the Bible does it say he ever came out of it.”  

(Forward this to all your single friends.  They need as much help as they can get!)

When a fast paced life meets a slow motion God

rodarters

I recently received a heart breaking email from a single mom.  She read my blog (How to climb a mountain) and began to tell me about her particular mountain and how difficult the climb has been.  She is struggling vocationally and as a result, financially and is trying to figure out where God is in the midst of her ascent.  Her mountain is big and she’s tired of climbing.  She works constantly, cares for her child, maintains a house and goes to bed exhausted every night.  She sees very little light at the end of the tunnel.  Most days, it just looks like an oncoming train.  Sound familiar?

I relate to her struggle.  The last three years have been the hardest of my life.  In fact, it seems like everyone I talk to these days is hurting on some level.  Maybe because of my life circumstances I am around more hurting people?  Or maybe we just live in a hurting world and some of us are more honest about the pain than others.  Some of us are hurting from self-inflicted wounds.  Others are hurting as a result of the decisions of others.  Though the reason we hurt may be different, the pain is still the same.  The mountain just keeps growing bigger and your legs just get more tired of climbing.  It feels like the movie, Groundhog Day.  You wonder, when will this day or struggle ever end?

It reminds me of the story of the woman on the donkey:

One day a woman mounted a donkey and began to ride.  Within seconds, the donkey kicked her off to the ground.  She got up, brushed herself off and mounted again.  Within seconds, the donkey kicked her off again.  She repeated this again with the same result.  Finally, in frustration, she raised a fist to heaven and shouted, “Why do You keep doing this to me??”   Surprised, she heard a loud voice respond, “I do this to all My friends.”   She replied, “And that is why You have so few friends!”

My friend wonders why God is allowing her such a struggle.  She loves God, goes to church and doesn’t rob banks or kill anyone – isn’t that worth something?  Daily she wonders how long she must continue to struggle before life gets easier again?  If you’re honest, you have probably thought the same thing.   King David asked the same question in Psalm 13.   You can hear the tone of his desperation through each word he penned, “How long, O Lord?  Will you forget me forever?  How long will you hide Your face from me?  How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?  How long will my enemy triumph over me?”   Even the martyrs in Heaven, those killed on earth for their faith, ask the same question in Revelation 6, “How long, O Lord, holy and true, will You refrain from judging and avenging our blood on those who dwell on the earth?”   From the depths of earth to the heights of heaven, everyone seems to be asking the same question – HOW LONG until my situation changes?  How long until God acts on my behalf??  Everyone else seems blessed, when is it my turn?

Moses understands the frustration of dealing with a slow motion God.   Having been called by God to lead the Israelites out of Egypt, Moses finds himself battling against the most powerful ruler in the world, Pharaoh.  After watching God perform ten amazing miracles (Exodus 7-11) and bring Pharaoh to his knees, Moses finds himself on the verge of national freedom.  For the first time in over 400 years, God’s people would no longer be slaves.  On the night before their “exodus” into Canaan, God has them first camp “in Etham on the edge of the wilderness.” (Exodus 13:20).   Then, He orders them to “encamp near Pi Hahiroth, between Migdol and the sea..” (Exodus 14:2)  In what seems to be an intentionally irrational move, God has them pitch their tents with the Red sea on one side and the mountain range on the other.

As Egypt’s army approaches, Pharaoh realizes the tactical “mistake” of Israel and weighs in on God’s confusing maneuver, “They are wandering aimlessly in the land; the wilderness has shut them in.”

Does that sum up life for you right now?  Are you dealing with a slow motion God?  Wondering why it’s taking Him so long to act on your behalf?  Questioning why He does what He does?  Can’t figure out why His timing is so off?  Feel like you are wandering aimlessly in a desert?  Wondering how much longer you can survive in your worn down and vulnerable position?

Militaristically speaking, Moses couldn’t be in any worse of a location.  Literally, the Israelite’s have no chance of escape and are completely trapped and out-gunned by the powerful Egyptian army.  With the Red Sea on one side and the Egyptian army on the other, they are simply out of room, time and options.  Can you relate to that feeling?  How long till God finally does something about this?

If you are familiar with the story (Exodus 14), you know that God (through Moses) parted the Red Sea.  The Israelites walked across on dry ground and when Pharaoh’s army tried to follow, the sea collapsed upon them and delivered a fatal blow to the Egyptian military.   Though it seemed that God was too late, it turns out – He wasn’t late at all.   He was just working on His own timetable.

We may never understand why He calls us to wander in a desert.  Or why He asks us to stick with a job.  Or a spouse.  We may never know why He asks us to take the scenic route of life when the highway makes so much more sense.  Why do it His way when my way is so much quicker?

God can appear to move slow – but it is only slow on a human clock.  As He reminds us in Isaiah 55:8-9, “For My thoughts are not your thoughts, nor are My ways your ways.  For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways and My thoughts than your thoughts.”  

The truth is, we live in a different world than God.  If men are from Mars and women are from Venus, God lives in another galaxy altogether.  He thinks differently.  He acts differently.  We prefer the speed of microwave food.  God cooks over an open flame.  We like to drive fast.  God prefers to walk.  We are all about getting to our destination.  God is all about the journey.   We watch the clock.   God watches the heart.   We want to get to the end result.  God likes to focus on the process.

We do live in a fast paced world.  But God is often a slow motion God.   Though He can create a planet in one day, He often takes His time when building some character.  Though He can instantly heal a blind man with one word, He prefers to heal a human heart over time.

The next time you wonder “How long?” – remember this… you’re in good company.

  • Noah spent over 100 years building the Ark.  (He had never seen a flood before).
  • Abraham spent 25 years waiting for God to provide the “child of promise.”  (For someone who desires a child, that’s an eternity to wait!)
  • Joseph was in prison for over 2 years waiting for those he helped to remember he was there.  (His crime?  Doing the right thing.)
  • Moses spent 80 years wandering in a desert.  (No air conditioning.  No books to read.  No wi-fi.)
  • The longest night of Daniel’s life was spent in a lion’s den.  (Why was he there?  Because he prayed.)
  • David was anointed as the King of Israel as a teenager.  It would be years later before he would actually wear the crown.  In the interim, he spent most of his time as a fugitive literally running for his life.  (No wonder He kept asking God “How long?”)
  • Even Jesus asked God “Why?” while hanging on the cross.

God likes to put His children in a position where He is the only possible solution.  If Israel could have fought their way out, Israel would have bragged that they delivered themselves.  If Moses could have delivered His people, then Moses would have been hailed as the hero.  God doesn’t play like that.  He doesn’t share His glory with others.

“That day the Lord saved Israel from the hands of the Egyptians, and Israel saw the Egyptians lying dead on the shore. And when the Israelites saw the mighty hand of the Lord displayed against the Egyptians, the people feared the Lord and put their trust in Him and in Moses his servant.” – Exodus 14:30

Waiting on God?  Get used to it.  He’s shaping you for a greater work.  You will be there longer than you want, that’s for sure.  But know this – He hasn’t forgotten you or your cries for help.  He’s just not done His work in you yet.

He doesn’t need more time – you do.

No wonder I’m a better American than Christian

rodarters

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

At approximately 7:32am every weekday morning at my son’s elementary school something beautiful happens.  Immediately after morning announcements about 800 little people all over the school place their right hand over their heart and say in unison, the Pledge of Allegiance.   Some say it while they are yawning.  Others don’t know all the words.  Few, if any (at their tender age), can truly appreciate what it means.  But they all say it.

I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America, and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Changed four times since it was created in 1892, those 31 words penned by Francis Bellamy require us to do something that we rarely do – pledge an allegiance.

Most Americans are fiercely loyal to their country.  Perhaps it is because we recognize the many freedoms and blessings we enjoy that the rest of the world does not.  Perhaps it is because of our military dominance. Maybe it’s because of our beautiful landscape or caliber of citizens?   For some, the luxurious ammenities make our country the greatest (indoor plumbing, hot showers, on demand electricity, high speed internet, The Bachlorette, etc.).  While all of those reasons may be true –  I’m starting to wonder if there is another, more subtle reason for our loyalty – the pledge.

Most of us grew up reciting the pledge of allegiance in school.  Every single day for 13 years, I stood at attention, stared at the Stars and Stripes and said the pledge of allegiance – to “the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands.”  As I was reciting the pledge again in my son’s class, I pondered my own verbal commitment to my country.  It shouldn’t surprise me that I’m an intensely loyal American.   Afterall, I calculated that I recited the pledge over 2300 times from kindergarten to graduation.  I think if I pledged allegiance to cottage cheese 2300 times, I’d be just as loyal.

I began to think about what other areas of life require a significant pledge from me, as an adult.  I could think of only three two:

  • The pledge to order Thin Mint cookies from the Girl Scouts.  I consider it my civic duty to purchase and consume several boxes a year.
  • The pledge (aka public declaration) of my faith
  • The pledge (aka vows) of my marriage.

Think about our typical declaration of faith.  At the end of their sermon, many preachers ask everyone in the sanctuary to close their eyes, bow their heads and raise their hands to “choose Christ.”  Under a cloud of secrecy, no one else present is allowed to see who is making a profession of faith with their silently raised hand.   In such an environment, it makes one feel as if they should be embarrassed about their decision.

There are some churches who recite the Apostles Creed every Sunday.  That would be the closest thing we have to a Christian pledge.  But I would venture to say that most self-proclaimed Christians could not recite it from memory.  Even if they do know it, they don’t say it daily.  Even so, it’s not a pledge as much as it is an itemized list of beliefs.  It simply states what a Christian is supposed to believe.  It is a far cry from a pledge to act out on those beliefs.

Why is the state of Christianity so sad in America?  For starters, I’ll be the first to admit – it’s because of me.  People who do a poor job of living out what they say they believe.  Perhaps if Christians had a daily pledge of allegiance and it was done verbally, publicly and daily – we’d have a nation of stronger believers?

Consider the pledge we make in marriage.   Though there are many private “I love yous” throughout the course of a relationship, there is really only one time designated to stand up and publicly pledge that love – the wedding ceremony.  If we are honest, most couples do not watch their wedding video or review their vows as a reminder of their commitment.  We promise to be faithful.  We promise to never leave.  We promise that no matter what happens – we will work it out.  Such lofty promises, rarely repeated again.  Based on the prevalent and growing divorce rate in our country (even among Christians who “know better”), I think it is safe to say – one pledge one time is not enough.

What would happen to marriages across the land if – every day – spouses repeated the vows made to each other, some 5 years ago?   15 years ago?  Even 50 years ago?

I think we’d have stronger marriages and as a result, stronger families.

What would happen to the state of Christianity in America if every true Christian said a daily pledge to be faithful to their God?

I think we’d also have stronger Christians and stronger churches.

And if we had stronger families and stronger churches, we’d have a stronger nation.  Who doesn’t want that?

God approved my flat tire?

rodarters

When I was a youth director, every year I had the privilege of leading members of my church overseas on our annual mission project.  Every year, prior to my departure, I had the same conversation with a relative about the apparent dangers of air travel and foreign countries.  Every year I tried to explain to her that if God wanted to “take me out”, He could do it just as easily in aisle 3 of Wal-Mart as He could on a plane somewhere over the Atlantic.   Although there is intellectual consent to this truth, I find my relative is not alone in her thinking.   Most Christians, although claiming to believe in a sovereign God – somehow question His sovereignty as it affects their daily life.  And if they do not question His sovereignty directly, they do so by allowing worry to infiltrate every area of their life.  This contradiction leads me to the question, “How sovereign is God?”   In other words, is He in control of things or is He not?

I recognize that my friends who are Christians might be quick to say that He is in control of everything, because the Bible tells them so.  It can be easy to understand why my non-believing friends might scoff at that idea – particularly as you watch the evening news and see all the chaos that is around us.  With the newspaper in one hand and my Bible in the other – I am learning how to walk by faith (though feebly most days) instead of sight.  My physical eyes see one world.  His spiritual eyes see another.  I’m trying to get more of His vision.

Having said that, I have come to realize that there is no doctrine more comforting to the soul of man than the doctrine of God’s sovereignty.  The doctrine of God’s sovereignty simply means that God does WHAT He wants, WHEN He wants, HOW He wants, WHY He wants, WHERE He wants – simply because He is God.

As Psalm 115:3 reminds us, “But our God is in the heavens; He does whatever He pleases.”  As Abraham Kuyper – Dutch theologian & one time prime minister of the Netherlands once wrote, “In the total expanse of human life there is not a single square inch of which the Christ, who alone is sovereign, does not declare,“THAT is mine!”

Proof of His sovereignty is all over Scripture:

  • God is sovereign over creation (Genesis 1:1, 4, Acts 17:24).   Just ask the sun, moon & stars (Psalm 19:1-6).
  • God is sovereign over mankind (Genesis 1:26-27).  Just ask Adam (Genesis 1:29-30, 2:5-8, 15-25).
  • God is sovereign over the affairs of man.     Just ask Joseph’s brothers (Genesis 50:20).
  • God is sovereign over the hairs of man (Luke 12:7).
  • God is sovereign over the thoughts of man.   Just ask the Pharisees (Luke 6:6-11).
  • God is sovereign over court decisions.    Just ask Pilate (John 19:8-12).
  • God is sovereign over the kings of the culture (Proverbs 21:1).  Just ask Nebuchadnezzar (Daniel 4:28-37).
  • God is sovereign over relationships.   Just ask Boaz (Ruth 3 & 4).
  • God is sovereign over where we live (Genesis 12:1-9, Acts 17:26).   Just ask Ruth (Ruth 1).
  • God is sovereign over what we do for a living.   Just ask Moses (Exodus 3:10).
  • God is sovereign over money.
  • God is sovereign over greed.    Just ask Ananias and Sapphira (Acts 5:1-11).
  • God is sovereign over clothing.    Just ask the wandering Israelites (Deuteronomy 8:4).
  • God is sovereign over food and drink (Matthew 6:25-34). Just ask the 5,000 (Matthew 14:13-21).
  • God is sovereign over the womb.  (Psalm 139:13-16)   Just ask Sarah (Genesis 18:9-15, 21:1-3) or better yet, the virgin Mary. (Luke 1:26-38)
  • God is sovereign over health.
  • God is sovereign over birth defects.   Just ask the man born blind from birth. (John 9:1-12)
  • God is sovereign over paralysis.   Just ask the roofer in Mark chapter 2. (Mark 2:1-12)
  • God is sovereign over illness.   Just ask Peter’s mother in law. (Matthew 8:14-15)
  • God is sovereign over chronic pain.   Just ask the man by the pool in Bethesda. (John 5:1-9)
  • God is sovereign over disease.   Just ask Naaman. (II Kings 5:1-14)
  • God is sovereign over “accidents”.   Just ask Malchus. (John 18:10) or Just ask Eutychus. (Acts 20:7-12)
  • God is sovereign over the weather.   Just ask the disciples. (Mark 4:35-41)
  • God is sovereign over the clouds. (Isaiah 5:6)
  • God is sovereign over the elements.   Just ask Shadrach, Meshach & Abednego. (Daniel 3:19-27)
  • God is sovereign over angels. (Luke 1:26)
  • God is sovereign over Satan (Job 1:8-12, 2:3-6) & his demons. (Luke 8:26-39)
  • God is sovereign over sin
  • God is sovereign over betrayal.  Just ask Judas. (John 18:1-11)
  • God is sovereign over rejection. Just ask Peter. (John 18:25-27)
  • God is sovereign over genocide. Just ask Herod. (Matthew 2:13-23)
  • God is sovereign over tragedy.   Just ask Job. (Job 1:13-22, 2:7-10)
  • God is sovereign over murder.  Just ask Cain. (Genesis 4:5-16)
  • God is sovereign over adultery.  Just ask Hosea. (Hosea 1:2-3)
  • God is sovereign over life. (John 1:3-4, 14:6)  Just ask the thief pardoned from the cross. (Luke 23:39-43)
  • God is sovereign over death (Acts 17:26).    Just ask Lazarus. (John 11:1-46)   Or better yet, ask Jesus. (John 20:1-18)
  • God is sovereign over salvation. (Acts 4:12, John 14:6)   Just ask Zacchaeus. (Luke 19:1-10)
  • God is sovereign over time.   Just ask Joshua. (Joshua 10:12-14)
  • God is sovereign over space.   Just ask Phillip. (Acts 8:38-40)
  • God is sovereign over eternity.   Just ask Him. (Revelation 22:13, John 1:1)
  • God is sovereign over the future. (Matthew 16:21-23)
  • God is sovereign over animals.   Just ask Jonah (Jonah 1:17).   Or Balaam. (Numbers 22:23-35)
  • He is well aware of birds (Luke 12:6) and when He chooses to end their flights (Matthew 10:29).
  • Even the movements of a single fly are under His control. (Exodus 8:31, Isaiah 7:18)

In our fallen world, there will always be evil and as a result – such evil will create events that make us question whether God is able to do anything about it.  It can make us wonder whether He cares.  We have all heard sentences like “How can a loving God allow _______? (fill in the blank).   But just because He does not choose to supernaturally intervene in a particular situation does not mean He cannot.  It also does not mean He is impervious to our suffering.  God is a cause and effect God.  He is a reaping and sowing God.  We see this most clearly in the natural law of gravity.

God placed the natural law of gravity into effect and allows that natural law to govern our physical world.  What goes up, must come down.  If I were to walk off a bridge, I would immediately fall.  No one questions that.  No one complains that God is unfair when He lets people violate that natural law.  You do not hear questions like, “How can a loving God allow that man to fall to his death after he walked off a bridge?”  We understand that is the natural consequence of violating that natural law.   Can God stop or suspend the natural law of gravity?  Absolutely.  But does He?  Not often.   And because He chooses not to, that does not mean He is not sovereign over the law of gravity.  It also does not mean He does not care about what is falling.  He put the law into effect and we learn best when He does not tamper with those laws.  Likewise, it is the same with His moral law.

So, next time you are taking an overseas trip or becoming concerned about when your teenager is coming home with the car, remember that God is sovereign.  Whether you lose your job or get diagnosed with cancer, remember that God is sovereign.  Next time you lose a relative or lose some money or get a flat tire or get a speeding ticket – remember He is still sitting on His throne and paying close attention.  He is simply letting the law do what it does best… point to your need for grace.

Like a Grandmaster of chess, He allows us to make foolish, sinful moves.  He is never caught off guard with our poor decisions or their natural consequences.  He can even take the most sinister evil move and make good come out of it… eventually (Romans 8:28).  Sometimes He even lets us see that good end result this side of eternity.  Though He allows us to move some pieces the game will end exactly as He plans.  (Gotta read the Bible for that – I am not spoiling that spectacular ending here). And regardless how you may feel, at no point does He stop caring (I Peter 5:7).

God is in complete control of all areas of life and nothing comes across your desk unless it has first been approved at His desk above.

NOTHING.

In God’s world, “everything happens for a reason” – HIS reason.

“For this reason I say to you, do not be worried about your life, as to what you will eat or what you will drink; nor for your body, as to what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? “Look at the birds of the air, that they do not sow, nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not worth much more than they?  And who of you by being worried can add a single hour to his life?  And why are you worried about clothing? Observe how the lilies of the field grow; they do not toil nor do they spin, yet I say to you that not even Solomon in all his glory clothed himself like one of these.   But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith!   Do not worry then, saying, ‘What will we eat?’ or ‘What will we drink?’ or ‘What will we wear for clothing?’   “For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows that you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. So do not worry about tomorrow; for tomorrow will care for itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” – Matthew 6:25-34

Whoever has ears…let them be plugged at church.

rodarters

There seems to be an unwritten rule about church music these days.  If you go to church, you’ll know what I’m talking about.  The rule is, stated simply, LOUDER is better.  More and more churches are offering contemporary services and more and more of them seem to have a secondary goal of bursting an eardrum.  I like contemporary music.  I’m a fan of loud music in certain places and at certain times.  I’m just not sure a church worship service is one of those places or times.

I hesitate to even mention the deafening noise of contemporary church music today as it brings back memories of my younger years when “old people” would claim my music was “too loud”.   “Too loud?,” I thought back then. “It’s not loud enough!”   Of course, my music was either blaring from my bedroom or car stereo – not from the sanctuary of my church.  Fast forward twenty some years and now I find myself complaining about the decibels.  (Did I just say complaining?  Didn’t I just write a blog about not doing that!)   Am I now an old person simply because I think the current generational music is too loud?  Or is it indeed too loud?  After all, I’m in my 40’s – not my 80’s!  It wasn’t until I saw my six year old cover his ears during the entire musical portion of a recent church service that I realized, this is a problem.

I do understand the need for loud music in certain venues, like an outdoor concert.   Or even an indoor concert.  Or if the entire audience is hearing impaired.  Or if you are in a nursing home.   I even understand the “need” for it to be loud in your car at times.  One could make a compelling argument on why Queen’s classic “Bohemian Rapsody” should not be played quietly.  Similarly, it would be wrong to listen to Tom Cochrane’s song, “Life is a highway” on volume setting three.  Sometimes you just have to “pump up the volume”.  I get that.   But at church – it seems that the loud music detracts away from the purpose of the assembly.  The lyrics should rise to heaven but does that mean the sound has to reach there too?

As I sat in a recent “worship concert” on a Sunday morning, several reasons came to me as to why the volume should be lowered.

  1. Loud music can damage hearing.  This is well documented.  If a child (or adult) feels the need to cover his ears in order to protect the precious gift of hearing, the volume is too loud.   I have noticed that most of the musicians wear earplugs.  Why?  Because even THEY recognize it’s dangerously loud.  Granted, they are a few feet closer to the speakers but in most churches, it doesn’t make that much of a difference.   Many times the music is so loud that I can actually feel the beat of the drums in my chest.
  2. The loud volume does not enhance the worship experience but rather distracts from it.  This certainly could be a subjective point, however, there is a beauty in contrast.  A good preacher does not scream his entire sermon – but rather uses a full range of inflection and volume to more effectively communicate his point.   At times he speaks in a normal tone of voice.  At other times he may whisper to emphasize a sentence.  Occasionally he may need to raise his voice to persuade his listeners.   The power of communication comes in the content being delivered in a variety of ways.  The music should employ similar tactics.  I’m not saying that music should never get loud.  The problem is that most contemporary church music seems to only have one volume – HIGH.  Everything is turned up so high that even their “quiet” stuff is loud.
  3. The rising cost of earplugs.  Ok, so earplugs aren’t really that expensive.  Regardless, many of these churches hand out earplugs prior to the service.  This amuses me.  By handing them out are they not admitting there is a problem?   That’s like handing out pillows before the sermon as if to say – “He’s boring, you’re going to need this.”   Why not just turn the volume down a few notches and save some money on the plugs?
  4. Loud music does not encourage people to sing.  Any musician should understand this as they normally have a feedback monitor on stage so they can hear how they sound.  When you cannot hear your own voice, you cannot gauge how well you are singing.  If the musicians have the need to hear themselves, shouldn’t the people also be afforded the same luxury?  I know that when the music is that loud, I stop trying to sing.  After all, if they wanted to hear my voice – they’d turn it down.  When I do try to sing with the music being so loud, I eventually lose my voice – literally.   Fortunately, no one really wants to hear my voice anyway.  Trust me on this one.  I truly make a “joyful noise.”
  5. Loud music does not create a reverent environment.  There is something reverent about quietness.  In many public venues in our culture, you show reverence by being quiet and still.  Funerals do not use rock music to celebrate a life – even when celebrating a rock star’s life!  You show reverence for the dead by being morbidly quiet.  Weddings do not blast heavy metal music to celebrate a marriage.  You show reverence for the couple by being quiet on their special day.  Graduation ceremonies do not use a heavy drum beat to congratulate a graduate.  You show reverence for the graduates by being boringly still.  In almost every important public venue, we recognize the need and appropriateness for silence and stillness.  Even the Bible communicates a need for this.  Jesus, by His own example, would repeatedly go “up on a mountainside by himself to pray.” (Matthew 14:23).  Psalm 46:10 tell us to “Be still and know that I am God.”  God is a God who communicates on the soul level.  In order to hear Him, you often have to quiet your soul to hear His “gentle voice”.  I’m not saying God can’t use a Christian rock concert to communicate to people – obviously, many Christian bands have an impact on thousands of people every year.  God can speak through a burning bush (Exodus 3), a sunset (Psalm 19) and has even spoken through an ass in the past (Numbers 22 and this blog as an example).   What I am saying that we can miss a precious, special connection when the noise drowns out His word.  Even the prophet Elijah, running for his life and desperate for a word from God, was hidden in a cave waiting to hear His voice.   We are told..

“Then a great and powerful wind tore the mountains apart and shattered the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. After the wind there was an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. After the earthquake came a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper. When Elijah heard it, he pulled his cloak over his face and went out and stood at the mouth of the cave.  Then a voice said to him…” (I Kings 19:11-13)

Maybe you need to hear from God today.   Maybe, like Elijah, you are desperate for some direction or instruction.  Try turning off the radio.  Muting the TV.   Pause the ipod.  Climb a mountain.  Or at least get away from the kids and friends.  Sit still and listen.  Open His book.  Read.  Meditate.  Pray.  Ask Him to show up.   Show Him (via your body language) that you are really interested in what He has to say.   Have your attitude be like the prophet Habakkuk, “I will stand on my guard post and station myself on the rampart; and I will keep watch to see what He will speak to me, and how I may reply when I am reproved.” – Habakkuk 2:1

If the God of the universe really had a message for you – personally – wouldn’t you want to hear it?   What if God was trying to talk to us most days and we simply couldn’t hear it because the noise of this world is just simply too loud – even if that noise is at church?

Just a thought…

The corrective brace of parenting

rodarters

(This article was orginally published in 2007 when my youngest son was about 2 years old.)

As I sit here and write – my son screams in the other room.   The kind of scream that every parent hates to hear.  The kind of scream that makes a Mom leap a couch and a Dad run through a door.  The scream that says “I’m in pain – help me”!!   And yet I sit.   What would make a parent sit back and let the screams continue?   What kind of parent would allow such pain to enter their precious child’s life and not do something about it?   Either an evil parent or a parent who has been informed about the purpose of the pain.   An unloving parent or a parent who understands the horrifying consequences if this particular pain is avoided.

My son was recently diagnosed with Metatarsus Adductus caused by Tibial Torsion, a congenital defect of his legs that causes his feet to twist inward – pigeon towed, if you will.  Though thousands have this – his is a bit acute and if it goes untreated, he will end up with a permanent, awkward gait.  To avoid this consequence, he must wear a corrective brace at night on each leg.   If he wears it faithfully at night, every night, for six to nine months – it greatly improves the probability of correcting the defect.  The heart breaking scream is caused by the pain brought on by the brace.

What’s particularly difficult is that when I look at my son, I do not automatically notice his defect.  I see a cute little guy, full of life, unstopped by a pesty little diagnosis about his chubby little legs.   Because of this bias, I am sometimes tempted to forget the brace “just this one night.”    After all, the brace is so rigid, so firm, so legalistic – in the truest sense of the word.  In fact, if you ask him, he would tell you in his eloquent baby language that he’s just fine.  No brace required – especially not tonight.

There are a number of braces to choose from, just like with parenting.

I can’t help but think of the correlation between his corrective brace and the corrective brace of discipline all parents are called to place on their children.   Sadly, few strap on the brace.  On one level, I understand why.  It is much easier not to.  Who wants to be unpopular with their children?   Who wants to be misunderstood as to why you are doing it?   Who wants to listen to their children scream (or complain, whine, cry, etc)?    There is something deep within us that makes us extra sympathetic to that little cry – even if the little crier is sixteen and shaving.  And yet – the brace is necessary because the defect exists.   Without the defect, the brace is cruel.  But because of the defect, the brace is the most loving thing you can do in spite of the tears.

The Bible affirms this truth repeatedly throughout Scripture.  (Parenthesis mine)

  • “Foolishness (defect) is bound up in the heart of a child but the rod of discipline (brace) removes it far from him.” – Proverbs 22:15
  • “He who spares the rod (brace) hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline (brace) him.” – Proverbs 13:24
  • “Do not withhold discipline (brace) from a child; if you punish him with the rod (apply the brace), he will not die.” – Proverbs 23:13
  • “Bring your children up in the discipline (brace #1) and instruction (brace #2) of the Lord.” – Ephesians 6:4

So, parent – what kind of brace does your child need?   Some younger ones may need the brace of spankings.  Others need the brace of restriction or the loss of privileges. Maybe yours needs the brace of correction and instruction.   Regardless of the type of brace, the real question is, are you willing to place it on them?   Are you willing to place it on night after night, consistently, until the defect is “fixed”?   God has given parents a relatively short window in which the brace is most effective.  If we wait too long, its influence will be diminished.   If we apply it inconsistently, it will take twice as long and not guarantee a proper healing.   Your child could end up with a deformed spiritual gait. Or a criminal record.

As for my son, if the brace does not fix his defect, surgery will.   They will break his legs and re-set them as they should be.   The thought of surgery does not sit well with me, particularly if it is a result of my unwillingness to do my job now.

If you do not brace your children, God can certainly still cure them with a bit of Divine surgery.   Just a word about surgery with God though.  It’s always open heart and never with anesthesia.   Kinda makes the brace a bit more attractive, no?

*************** MEDICAL UPDATE *****************

The brace was applied on my son’s legs every night for about four months and as a result of that consistent application, his legs were healed several months ahead of schedule.  Today, he runs and jumps and moves around normally – you cannot tell he ever wore a brace.

Though the brace was difficult to place on him night after night, the right decision was made – even if it was unpopular.  And because of that, he avoided a painful surgery.  I think he’s glad he wore the brace.  Yours will be too… eventually.

Stop complaining!

rodarters

It seems like everywhere I go, people are complaining about something.

The line at the grocery store is too long.  The price of gasoline is too high.  The customer service at the restaurant is not existent.  The weather is too hot.  The government is too big.  The ex husband is too… himself.  The girlfriend is moody.  The kids are ungrateful.  The mother-in-law is too nosey.  The favorite sports team stinks.  This list is too long, etc.

What is remarkable to me is not the fodder available to create a complaint.  As long as you are breathing there will be something to complain about.  I’m more impressed with the speed at which the complaint travels.  Car commercials often brag about how fast a car can get to 60 mph from a dead start.  We seem to be able to go from “zero to complaint” in nano-seconds.

(By the way – this blog is not complaining about the complainers)

But that does bring up a good point.  What makes a true statement a true statement and what turns it into a complaint?  By saying, “I’m not complaining” does that actually make it a non-complaint?   (See above parenthesis.  Through subtle repetition I will make you believe I’m not actually complaining.)

At the time of this writing, it is over 100 degrees outside.  By anyone’s standards it is a hot day.  It’s so hot that it’s hard to not talk about.  The weather is always a favorite topic among strangers, especially when the weather is extreme.  But if I say to Mr. Stranger, “It is really hot outside“, am I complaining or merely sharing a fact?  Is it the actual words that make it a complaint or the tone of the sentence or the attitude of my heart?  I think we would have to agree that all three play a critical role in determining whether the sentence crosses the line into complaint.

I think it comes down to this – you know in your heart whether you are sharing a fact or voicing a complaint.  And like it or not – your listeners know it too.  We all recognize a complaint when we hear it.  We can all point out a complainer in a line up.  A general rule of thumb could be this: Say it once, it’s an observation.  Say it more than once: it’s a complaint.

It turns out that complaining has been around for thousands of years – even back as early as the Garden of Eden.  By the second recorded sentence of mankind, Adam complains that the reason he ate the forbidden fruit was because the woman (who God gave him) made him do it!   Centuries later, we find the Israelites wandering the desert of Sinai.  At this point in their national existence they have personally witnessed God deliver them from Pharaoh’s army in spectacular fashion by literally parting the red sea as their escape (Exodus 14).  They have watched God turn dew into bread (called manna) morning after morning – exactly what they needed for that day (Exodus 16).  Every evening “quails came up and covered the camp” (Exodus 16:13) to feed them.  They even had their thirst quenched (in the desert of all places!) as God provided water from a rock, at Moses’ command (Exodus 17).  And if that wasn’t enough – they watched the Israelite army defeat the powerful enemy Amalekites simply because Moses held his arms up in the air (Exodus 17).   In spite of all of these miracles and providences, God’s people constantly complained until God finally decided to teach His ungrateful children a painful lesson.  Apparently God’s remedy for complaining is poisonous snakes.  (Numbers 20 & 21 tell the whole story)

Allow me to share seven reasons why you should seriously stop complaining.  If you are a chronic complainer, pay attention:

  1. No one wants to hear it.  Do you enjoy listening to other people complain?  Then why would you think someone wants to listen to you.   Most people have enough negative drama in their life.  They don’t need your help to add to the pile.
  2. It reveals an ungrateful heart.   Grateful people don’t complain.  They don’t have time.  They are much too busy thanking someone for their blessings.  A busy businessman might complain about a long-line at the grocery store.  A homeless man is grateful he has bread for today.  An American woman might complain she has “nothing to wear” while the woman in Ethiopia is grateful she has clothes on her back.  There is a popular Indian proverb that reads, “I cried when I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.”  Put your grievance into perspective.  There is always someone worse off than you.
  3. It does not solve problems.   Rarely does complaining solve the problem being complained about.  Yes, the line at the bank is long.  But talking about how annoying it is does not make the line move any quicker.   Engaging in positive conversation does not make the line move any quicker either but it does seem to make the time go by faster.  And who knows, you may make a new friend in the process.  I’m always open to making a new, grateful friend.
  4. It’s the hobby of the immature.  Toddlers complain.  Children complain. Teenagers complain.   The mature quietly endure the trial.  Grow up.  Act like an adult.  Otherwise, hold your breath and stomp your feet.  Because complaining looks just as ridiculous coming out of an adult mouth.
  5. It sets a bad example.  Whether we realize it or not, our children learn from our example.  If you find yourself raising a houseful of complainers, you may need to take an inventory of your speech.  Whether you like it or not, your behavior can even influence strangers.  Complaining never occurs alone as all complainers need a complainee to listen to them.
  6. It angers God.  As the Great Provider, He does not like it when people are ungrateful.  You don’t either.  I get annoyed when the car in front of me does not acknowledge the fact that I let him in my lane.  I can’t imagine how frustrating it would be to provide sunshine for an entire planet and be ignored in the process.  The truth is – God graciously gives to all and relatively few acknowledge His presence.  Many even deny His existence with the air He put in their lungs.
  7. The issue you are complaining about may be put there by God on purpose for a reason.  Perhaps you need to learn some patience and so the long line is His gift to help you gain some.  Perhaps you need to learn how to love and so the annoying co-worker is placed on your “team” to give you more practice.   Maybe He wants you to work on your forgiving spirit and so He is putting you in a position to forgive others – more often than you desire.    Whatever it is – don’t go assuming that the point of complaint is all about you.  He could be putting you in a difficult position today so you can show someone else tomorrow how to get through the same thing.

I have spent over three months of my life serving people in third world countries.  I have been in the remote jungles of Ecuador.  I have been in the poorest villages of the Dominican Republic.  I have seen unmatched poverty on the streets of Guatemala.  Even in some of our American cities, I have worked with people who literally had nothing.  I found them to be extremely happy and sincerely grateful – with nothing.   In the Dominican Republic, one woman was so honored that I entered her home that she literally pulled off a prized piece of artwork from her wall to give it to me.  No American has ever offered me something off of their wall.  The artwork looked like something you would find at a rejected yard sale.  Her home was a hut and would have been unworthy to store my lawnmower.   That is where she lays down, night after night.  She couldn’t have been happier.  I cried as I realized she had something I didn’t back then – a grateful heart.

Next time you want to complain about anything – think about that.  She can teach us all a lesson on how to be grateful.

(This blog was not a complaint.  I am Rod Arters and I approve this message.)

Friends and enemies

rodarters

What makes a friend a friend?  What makes an enemy an enemy?   What if your friend turned out to be your enemy?   What if your enemy turned out to be your friend?   Would you look at friendships differently?  If you were honest, I’m sure you would.  Would it make you wonder if all future enemies were perhaps not as bad as you originally judged?  Perhaps they are just delayed friendships?

If I asked you to name your closest friends, you would have no problem producing a list of names.  But is that list accurate?  Are they really your closest friends?  Why do you think they are?  Your answer would have to be connected to what you think makes a friend a friend.  Is a friend someone who likes you?  Someone who makes you laugh?  Someone who agrees with you?  Someone who says what you want to hear?   Isn’t that generally who we surround ourselves with?

If I asked you to name your enemies, hopefully that list would be a lot shorter.   I’m sure you would have no problem producing that list either.  We tend to know who is not a fan of ours.  But is that list accurate?  Are they really your enemy?   Why do you think they are?  Your answer would have to be connected to what you think makes an enemy an enemy.  Is an enemy someone who does not like you?  Someone who makes you angry?  Someone who disagrees with you?  Someone who says what you do not want to hear?   Isn’t that generally who we despise?

If I asked you to name Jesus’ closest friends, the disciples would be an obvious correct answer.  If you were biblically literate, you would specifically mention John or Peter as those two are found in His inner circle repeatedly throughout the gospels.  Extra points for knowing this!

If I asked you to name Jesus’ enemies, even if you were biblically illiterate you would obviously mention the devil and Judas, infamous for betraying Christ unto death.

But are your answers actually correct?   Was Peter really Jesus’ best friend?  Was Judas really His worst enemy?   It is easy to think so based on our elementary standard of what it means to be a friend or what it takes to be an enemy.  But would you believe that Jesus actually considered Peter (briefly) to be His enemy and even referred to Judas as His friend, even while  Judas was in the act of betraying Him? Either Jesus has no idea what a true friendship is, or our definition needs some work.

Peter had left everything to follow Jesus.  Literally everything.  For three entire years He had followed Jesus all over Jerusalem.  When they needed to cross the Sea of Galilee, they used Peter’s boat.  In those three years, Peter had spent many a night in prison as a result of his friendship with Jesus.  When Jesus predicted that someone would betray Him, Peter was the first person to stand up and publicly declare it would not be him.  When Jesus went to officially institute the Catholic (universal) Church, it was Peter to whom He turned and made it’s first Pope.  When Jesus was actually being arrested, Peter was the only one who drew his sword in an attempt to defend his friend.  If you had to guess, Peter would be an obvious nominee for Jesus’  “Friend of the year” Dundee award.  And yet, we find in this passage – Jesus’ assessment was quite different:

“From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem  and suffer many things  at the hands of the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law,  and that he must be killed  and on the third day  be raised to life.  Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!”  Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan!  You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.” – Matthew 16:21-23

Three years of service and he calls his “friend” Satan and tells him to get lost.  Apparently Jesus needs some help in the Public Relations department.  This is NOT how most future kings are supposed to handle your supporters.

Judas, like Peter, was hand picked to be one of Jesus’ disciples.  Nine times in the Gospels  Judas is known and listed as “one of the twelve”.   In fact, so trusted was Judas in the inner circle that we are told he was the one who “had the money box”. (John 12:6)  In other words, He was Jesus’ accountant.  If there was to be a betrayal, no one would have suspected Judas.  Other than Jesus, who knew from the beginning, Judas would not have been on anyone’s betrayal radar.  That is the problem with betrayal though, it seems to always be the person you least expect.  Notice how Jesus treats the one who would be responsible for not only His arrest, but ultimately His death:

“While he was still speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, arrived. With him was a large crowd armed with swords and clubs, sent from the chief priests and the elders of the people. Now the betrayer had arranged a signal with them: “The one I kiss is the man; arrest him.” Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, “Greetings, Rabbi!” and kissed him.  Jesus replied, “Do what you came for, friend.” Then the men stepped forward, seized Jesus and arrested him.” – Matthew 26:47-50

Though He could have, Jesus did not stop the armed posse coming to arrest Him.  Though He could have, Jesus did not deny who He was.  Though He could have, Jesus could have given a few choice words to his soon-to-be-fired accountant.  He did not even stop Judas’ affectionate greeting – one that would eventually be known as “the kiss of death.”  In fact, in the midst of the worst betrayal known to man, Jesus actually calls him “Friend.”   Wow!

What makes a friend a friend?  What makes an enemy an enemy?   Is your standard of friendship the same as Christ’s?   For Him, His friends were those who helped Him accomplish what God put Him on earth to do.  His enemies were those who tried to stop Him from doing God’s will.   Who are your friends?  Do they encourage you in your relationship with God?  Do they challenge you to know Him better and love Him more?   Who are your enemies?  Do you need to reevaluate that list?

I’m grateful that I have some really good friends in my life – friends that ask me the hard questions.  Friends that question my motives.  Friends that call me out on certain behaviors.  Friends that hold me accountable for my lifestyle.  Friends that want to know how I am truly living – even when they aren’t there to see it.  Friends that do not care if I like them or not.  Friends that are willing to sacrifice the friendship for the sake of what is right.   Man, I hate the occasional interrogations I receive from these friends.  Some days they feel more like my enemies.  And then I realize that their kiss of death is exactly what I need.

As Oscar Wilde has noted, “True friends stab you in the front.”

How to climb a mountain

rodarters
Me at the top of one of the mountains (aka fells) in the Lake District of England.

I have climbed several mountains in my life.  Some of them were physical like Mount Katahdin in Maine or the Skiddaw fell in Keswick, England.  Other “mountains” I’ve climbed were more emotional or mental – but enormous just the same.  Both types were very real to me, the climber.   I have found that I enjoy climbing the mountains I choose to climb.  Ironically, those types are always physical.  The mountains I do not wish to climb have all been emotional or mental and I tend to procrastinate on every step.

I have come to learn that often times the physical things in this life point to deeper spiritual truths – if you have the eyes to see them.  I believe this is intentionally designed by God so we could better understand Him and His world.   He uses what we know to help us learn what we don’t.  He allows us to walk by sight before teaching us how to walk by faith.   He gives us a physical mountain to climb today so we can apply those principles to a coming emotional mountain tomorrow.   The size of the mountain is the most important thing to us.  The lessons we learn from the climb is what is most important to God.  We think about things like how long we will be on it.  His main concern is how well we learn the lessons.

As I have discovered first hand in my life, He has no shortage of mountains for me to climb.   Because of this, learning the lessons of the climb, suddenly, takes on a whole new importance to me.   Perhaps if I learn the lessons I’m supposed to on this mountain, the next mountain won’t feel so big or take so long.

Here is what I have learned (so far) in my vast experience as a seemingly perpetual “mountain” climber.  Maybe some of these truths will help you on your mountain, current or future.

  • Get started.   You can’t reach the summit until you have left the camp.  The camp is comfortable and easy.  The path to the summit is painful and difficult.  No one ever climbed a mountain sitting at base camp.   No one ever did anything significant from base camp.  It’s where we all begin but it’s not where we are supposed to stay.
This quote was hanging on the wall of the cafe I owned in Charlotte. It reminded me of the importance of getting started. (Visit “Quips Cafe Charlotte” on Facebook for more information.)
  • Mountain climbing is hard.   This seems elementary to mention but it is critical to remember.  It’s supposed to be hard.   It is supposed to take time.  You are supposed to sweat.   Know why?  BECAUSE IT IS A MOUNTAIN.  You will have to manage your pain and persevere through every step.  Understand that and expect a challenge.
  • Don’t let the size of the mountain overwhelm you.   When you are at base camp, looking at the summit can be daunting.  It seems so far away that you may begin to think you’ll never get there.  Its height can be so intimidating that you may wonder if you’ll ever make it to the top.  You must change your focus.  Instead of looking at the summit, set a closer more reasonable goal to reach first.   Divide the mountain into smaller sections and concentrate on the next section now.  On some of my emotional mountains, the summit seemed impossible to reach.  I had to walk “day by day” for months until the mountain became more managable to navigate.
  • Others have climbed this same mountain.   You have to remind yourself of this.  There is no physical mountain that has been left unclimbed.  And if someone else has made the ascent, so can you.   For the same reason, emotional mountains can be conquered too.   Whether your emotional mountain is recovering from a broken relationship, losing weight, getting out of debt, dealing with an addiction or struggling with the never ending mountain of finding a job – you can make the climb.  It might be trying to forgive someone who hurt you or harder yet, forgetting what they have done.  Maybe your mountain is trying to forgive yourself.  It won’t be easy – but climbing mountains never is.  You are not alone.  Take comfort in this fact with every step.
  • If possible, climb with a friend.  Mountain climbing is hard enough alone, if you can, have someone join you.  The advantages are many and barely need to be mentioned.  Having someone with you provides the following benefits: encouragement, companionship, motivation, accountability, assistance & memories – to name a few.   When you want to give up, your climbing friend can help you keep going.  When you are discouraged, a partner can encourage you to keep hiking.  When your backpack is too heavy to carry, your fellow sherpa can lighten your load for a season.   I guarantee there are many others on your same mountain right now.  Look around – find them and join them in their hike.
  • Embrace the mountain.   This may sound slightly sadistic but there is something magical that occurs when you embrace the mountain.   The only way you can overcome a fear of heights is to get on a ladder.  The only way to overcome a fear of snakes is to handle one.  Instead of avoiding or dreading your mountain, embrace it.  With mountain climbing, there is a strange comfort when you learn to take time to “smell the roses” on the trail.  Though the climb is difficult, there are still many blessings along the way.  They are, however, easy to miss if you’re not paying attention or too focused on the clouds to see the sun.   The easiest way to miss some of those blessings is to complain about your climb.  Remember, even when it’s raining the sun still shines.
  • The summit is worth the climb.   Ask any mountaineer who has reached the top.  In every mountain I have ever climbed, my body hurt like never before.  I was tired on every level.   And when I finally saw the view from the top – I immediately appreciated the cost of the climb.  It was TOTALLY worth it.  Ask any mother if the nine months of struggle was worth the experience of holding their precious child in their arms.   Ask Lebron James if his eight year climb to the top of his mountain was worth the blood, sweat and tears to reach the summit of World Championship.   If anything, the harder the climb the sweeter the view from the top.

Maybe your emotional mountain exists because you made some poor choices in your past.  Maybe your mountain was given to you because of someone else’s poor choices.  Perhaps it is no one’s fault and it’s just something you have to climb.

Get started.  Recognize it will be hard.  Don’t let the size of the mountain overwhelm you.  Remember, others have climbed it before you.  If you can, find someone to climb with.   While you are climbing, embrace the mountain.   The summit will be worth it, I promise.

The following verses in the book of Psalms helped me immensely as I have climbed (and continue to climb) my various mountains.   Perhaps they will encourage you as well on your journey.

“In God’s hands are the depths of the earth, the peaks of the mountains are His also.” – Psalm 95:4

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains.  Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven  and earth. He will not let your foot slip — he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.  The Lord watches over you — the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord will keep you from all harm — he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” – Psalm 121

Happy Birthday to you!

rodarters

BIRTHDAY CARD DISCLAIMER:

Once a year, people feel compelled to congratulate you on reaching your birthday milestone.   Normally they share their well wishes via phone calls, emails, text messages, handwritten notes, flowers, chocolates, balloons, singing telegrams, etc.  

I, on the other hand, decided to write you a “Happy Birthday” blog.  This particular blog entry is dedicated to any friend of mine who will be celebrating a birthday sometime in the next year.  If today is not your birthday, then be patient.  Eventually, this blog will be relevant to you. 

Sure, I could have sojourned to the local CVS or supermarket and spent hours perusing overpriced, over-sentimental cards.  Then I could’ve signed my name to someone else’s idea of humor or sympathy (depending on your age).  But are you really deserving of such a card?  I mean, all you have done (since my last congratulations) is survived for another 365 days.  How hard is that?  Also, if I did the traditional card option, then I would need your address.  And a stamp.  And a pen.  Would you even appreciate the gas money I invested to and from the store?  Besides, who really wants to walk ALL THE WAY to the mailbox to retrieve a card that points out the glaring fact that you are OLD?  Basically, I am saving you time and what better gift is there than the gift of time?  I’m thoughtful like that. 

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU” FUN FACTS:

  • According to wikipedia.org, the melody of “Happy Birthday to You” comes from the song “Good Morning to All”, which was written and composed by siblings Patty & Mildred Hill in 1893.  The sisters created “Good Morning to All” as a song that would be easy to be sung by young children.
  • The 1998 Guinness Book of World Records reveals that the song “Happy Birthday to you” is the most recognized song in the English Language.
  • The song’s base lyrics have been translated into 18 languages.
  • Unauthorized public performances of the song are technically illegal unless royalties are paid to it.  This is why most restaurants (or other public party venues) have their own annoying original Birthday song or cheer in honor of the birthday celebrant.

GENERIC BIRTHDAY FUN FACTS:

  • February is the least common birth month.
  • August is the most common birth month.
  • October 5th is the most common birth date (Interestingly, it is exactly 9 months after New Year’s Eve.  Badda bing.)
  • May 22nd is the least common birth date (besides Leap Year – February 29th.)
  • Birthdays were usually only celebrated by nobility (which may be why we like to put a Birthday Crown on the birthday person) until the Germans began the practice of celebrating children’s birthdays called “kinderfeste” and bake a special sweet cake.

  • The picture above is of Tu Youyou, the first woman to win a Nobel Prize in medicine.  Also known as the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday too.   Try it, just for fun.  🙂
  • $27.2 Million – Most money spent on a birthday party.  This extravagant party was for the Sultan of Brunei’s 50th Birthday in 1996.  My 45th birthday celebration was a close second.

Speaking of expensive parties, did you know that there are two birthdays celebrated in the Bible?  Some interesting things happened at both….

Birthday #1: Pharaoh’s Birthday Party (Genesis 40):

At the first birthday party we find Joseph locked behind bars interpreting dreams for two men who used to serve in the King of Eygpt’s court.  One man was Pharaoh’s cupbearer.  The other was his baker.   Joseph correctly predicted that both men would have their “heads lifted up” by Pharaoh.   The cup-bearer’s head was lifted up and he was restored to his original office.  The baker’s head was also “lifted up” and placed in a noose and hung.  Nice party.  Try the veal.

Birthday #2: King Herod’s Birthday Party (Matthew 14):

At the second party we find John the Baptist bound and imprisoned at the request of Herodias, King Herod’s sister in law.  During the party, Herodias’ daughter was dancing (think dirty, not square) before the king.  The dance pleased King Herod so much that he promised (with an oath) to give the girl whatever she asked.  Having been prompted by her mother, she asked for the head of John the Baptist on a platter.  Odd request.  Most girls her age ask for earrings.  Sadly, she got her wish.

There are a couple of lessons for you here. 

On your special day…

  1. Avoid prison.
  2. Keep your dreams to yourself.
  3. Don’t party with kings.
  4. No dancing.

Blessings on your special day!