Category: Christian

Character doping and nakedness

rodarters

Did Lance Armstrong take performance enhancing drugs to help him win seven Tour de France titles or did he win legitimately?

That is the international debate around the water coolers this week and how you answer that question has little to do with the truth and more to do with your opinion about Lance, athletes in general, drugs, drug testing, competition, motives, hearsay, pragmatism, cover-ups, etc.

  • Fellow cyclists claim he has doped with them in the past.  Maybe they’re right.  While they certainly had access to Lance that others would not have, their motives are also easily questioned.  Some of them could benefit with such a discovery by either improving their standings in a particular race or receiving compensation of some sort for their “story.”  Of course, plain ole jealousy could cause a fellow racer to make a false accusation too.
  • A former masseuse claims she threw out used syringes on Lance’s behalf.  Maybe she did but not one syringe is left as examinable evidence.  I find their absence conspicuous.
  • A former employee claimed that he discovered a box of androstenone while cleaning a bathroom in Armstrong’s apartment in Girona, Spain.  Maybe he did.  However, androstenone is not one of the banned substances.  It doesn’t really matter anyway.  The mere mention of drugs (even “legal” ones) found in his possession plants more seeds of doubt in an already questionable garden.  Accusations and ulterior motives abound in situations like these.  And in this particular case with the employee, not all smoke leads to fire.
  • The USADA (United States Anti-Doping Agency) says he is guilty of doping and they have the evidence to prove it.  Maybe they do.  Although, after an alleged 500 tests to his body over a period of several years, the results have been (so far) inconclusive. (Translated: They couldn’t find any traceable amounts of performance enhancing drugs in his system).  Given his high-profile stature and the sheer number of tests given could make it reasonable to assume that Lance would be stupid to try and sneak something past all the probing needles given at unannounced times.  However, knowing the hubris of a professional athlete can be off the chart, anything is possible since many sports icons think they are invincible and above the law.
  • And then there is Lance’s opinion.   As you might expect, he proclaims his innocence and that he has won each race legitimately.  Maybe he has.  But when it comes to denying the allegations, no one has more motivation than Lance.  Who would want to be stripped of 7 championship trophies?  Who would want to forfeit the prestigious title of “best ever” in his field?  Who would want to lose all that prize money?  Who would want to face such public humiliation and disappoint supporting family, friends & fans?  Lastly, who wants an asterisk dangling after their name in the history books?  Yes, Lance has plenty of reasons to declare his innocence – especially if he is truly innocent.

Sadly, even if he is telling the truth, the ghost of athletes past still linger in our mind.   The scenario is all too common, if not predictable.  A superstar is accused of taking performance-enhancing drugs.  They deny it.  More accusations.  More denials.  The smoke eventually clears and the dust settles since there isn’t enough evidence to prove anything… yet.  Then it comes out (days or months or years later) that they were indeed lying through their teeth.  The athlete finally succumbs to the overwhelming evidence and admits wrong doing.  The icon is disgraced or arrested and we are left holding the pieces of a broken idol.  It may not be fair to Lance but you almost cannot blame us for doubting him, even if his drug testing record is spotless.   Too many “innocent” athletes before him have been found guilty.  After all, most of the time the adage is true, “Where there is smoke – there is fire.”

I understand why people lie, cheat and steal to get what they want.  Our human nature often wants what it cannot have and when the things “out-of-bounds” are within reach, we will do almost anything we can to grab it.  For some, the forbidden fruit is a championship win at any cost.  For others it is a forbidden relationship or money that is not theirs or material possessions.   The 10th commandment was given for a reason.  At our core, we are all just a bunch of coveters.

What baffles me is not why we do it but rather why we think we can successfully cover up our wrongs.  We never can.  It doesn’t matter if you are a high-profile Coach, beloved Priest or sitting President – your sins will find you out.  Our first parents (Adam & Eve) tried to hide their sin and cover up their nakedness with a fig leaf (Genesis 3).  The leaf did not work then.  It still doesn’t work today.  Even our most sophisticated cover-ups are still lacking.  A lie will eventually be uncovered.  A cheater is eventually exposed.  A thief will eventually be caught.  It may not be today.  It might not be tomorrow.  But it will happen.   History has shown us this much.   And there are two main reasons why:

  1. The first reason is because of the day and age we live in.   The technological age has ushered in “Big Brother.”  Someone is always watching, listening or recording the things we do and say.  Always.  Though you may not realize it, you are being tracked every day.  Literally.  You cannot drive down the street without a camera detecting your car.   There is not one aisle in one store where Big Brother’s eye cannot see you.   You may think you are running errands “alone.”  You actually have more eyes on you than you realize.  And thanks to technology, we leave a virtual footprint everywhere we go.  Cell phones are tracked and triangulated through towers.  Text messages, though deleted from your phone, can still be recovered.  Documents that we “trash” on our desktop never actually leave the computer.  Every picture and website you ever downloaded or visited can be made visible – even after you erased the cache.  Your credit card & the camera on your phone reveals your location every time you use it.  In the case of doping, technology can reveal what is in our bodies, even the small percentage of trace amounts.  In other words, we are all wearing muddy online shoes while walking on a white technological carpet.
  2. The second reason is more subtle.  Whether you recognize it or not, we live in a tiny fishbowl (called Earth) watched constantly by the Maker of the tank.  Just as most good parents know what their children are into, in the same way our Creator is well aware of our movements and our motives, our location and our lies, and how to expose them, in His timing.
  • When my children were little we played “hide and seek.”   In broad daylight, they would cover their eyes and actually think that would impede my ability to find them.  I would walk around the house yelling (playfully), “Wheeeere are youuuuu?”  All adults know it is a ridiculous attempt but kids actually think the plan might work.  In the same context, immediately after Adam ate the forbidden fruit and covered himself with a fig leaf, God asked him, “Where are you?”  God wasn’t trying to pinpoint his physical location.  He knew exactly where Adam was “hiding.”  The question was an opportunity for Adam to say, “Here I am!” and ‘fess up.
  • God asked the prophet Jeremiah, “Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him? Do I not fill heaven and earth?” (Jeremiah 23:24).
  • King David recognized God’s omnipresence when he wrote, “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?  If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.” (Psalm 139:7-8).
  • The writer of Hebrews reminds us that “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.” (4:13)

The problem is, we think we are actually alone.  We believe that because something is done out of view, in the dark or behind closed doors that we are safe from discovery.  Our human nature tempts us to do what we shouldn’t.  Our pride tells us we can get away with it.  But our newspapers eventually confirm our worst fears.  If the people of power (coaches, clergy & congressmen) can’t get away with it, why would we think that we could?   And even if we can get away with it on earth, there are always two eyes in Heaven.  And because of that, we will always (eventually) reap what we sow.

It’s time we restore the “honor” system where we all do “right” simply because it is the right thing to do.   Perhaps our athletes need to place their right hand on a Bible and swear to compete honestly.   Perhaps our coaches need to do a better job of emphasizing sportsmanship and integrity over winning.   Perhaps we parents need to be more diligent in teaching our children the true definition of character, who we are when no one is looking.  For all of us, modeling good behavior is more caught than taught.

One day (soon) we will know whether Lance’s accomplishment was a true physical feat or a fraud.

Regardless of that outcome, what are you?   If your character was tested for moral dope, would you pass?   In what area of your life are you covering with a fig leaf?  Who are you really, when no one is looking?

“When wealth is lost, nothing is lost.  When health is lost, something is lost.  When character is lost, all is lost.” – Billy Graham, evangelist.

How dare you judge me while I’m judging you!

rodarters

A few weeks ago I walked into the local Wal-Mart for a few essentials.  I love walking the aisles of Wal-Mart since people watching is a favorite past-time.  One of these days, security is going to ask me to leave for staring at people.  As is typical, you see all kinds of shapes and sizes from all walks of life.   I’m shocked at what people wear.  I’m stunned by the lack of personal hygiene.  People seem to come to Wal-Mart as if they just ran out of their burning house.

This particular day, I caught myself being extra judgmental towards those I saw.  I found myself thinking extremely critical thoughts.  After finishing my self-righteous shopping spree and before security could talk with me, I was out the door and headed to my car.

And then I saw him.

A man in his late 20’s, shaved head, tattoos all over his visible body, chain on his pants seemingly attached to an invisible wallet.  He was wearing those tall, black Army issue boots.  He looked like the kind of guy that would mug his own mother, on her birthday.  His appearance alone would make most anyone nervous – particularly in a parking lot.  He didn’t walk but rather strutted like he owned the parking lot.  Maybe he did.  Maybe he was walking towards me to collect the rent?  My mind raced.  What did he want with me?  With no one else around, he was clearly coming my direction.  I assumed he was going to approach me for money.  If he didn’t outright mug me, I anticipated him coming up with some story that would tug at my emotional heart-strings.  I figured he would say that he only needed a few dollars to help him reach his goal.   As he approached, I braced myself for the worse.  I was right.  He did want my money.  He also had some great “story” about why he needed the money.   His pressing “need?”   He volunteered for a local, Christian ministry that was designed to help orphaned children in need.  The more we talked, the more I realized he was the “real deal.”  He wasn’t a thug, he was a minister.  He wasn’t after money for him, but for needy children.  He was dressed like a thug gang member but I realized pretty quickly, his heart was more pure than mine.   I walked away humbled that I had so harshly judged another brother merely because of how he looked.   As I walked to my car, a few dollars lighter – I was grateful and sad for the truth I just discovered about myself:

I am a full-fledged judger of others.

If you were to ask someone what is the most widely known verse in the Bible, most people might guess John 3:16.   After all, there is some fanatic at almost every professional stadium in the country that holds up a cardboard sign with that reference on it.  But, according to a survey (given by some official person, in some far away state, interviewing a certain number of self-proclaimed non-believers) apparently Matthew 7:1 is the most recognized verse in all of the Bible.  If you do not know it by reference, you surely know it by sight.  It reads,

“Judge not, lest you be judged.”

Apparently more non-church people know that verse than any verse about God’s amazing love.   And why would most non-believers and atheists know that verse so well?  Probably because they have been judged with impunity by those called to love them.  And I realized, I not only joined their judging ranks – judging had become a subtle part of my daily lifestyle.   Everywhere I go, I judge people.  I judge their socioeconomic status by their appearance.  I judge their job by what they drive.  I judge their parenting by their children’s “snapshot” behavior in public.  I judge their education by their speech.  I judge their health by their weight or diet.  I judge their soul by their deeds.   And, God forbid, anyone applied the same judging standard to me – on any given day I could easily be considered a POOR, UNEMPLOYED, UNEDUCATED, UNHEALTHY, PAGAN, BAD PARENT.

As I am looking down at the “gang member” with Army boots, someone else is probably looking down at the suburban Dad staring at him.  And someone else is probably judging the person who is judging the person who is judging me.  We all do it to others and yet we cannot stand when it is done to us.   We judge others so frequently, we do not even realize we are doing it and the millisecond we feel the judging stare on us, we shout out Matthew 7:1: “HEY!  JUDGE NOT PUNK, LEST YE BE JUDGED.”  (“Punk” is in my paraphrased version.  For some reason, it seems more holy to say words like “lest” and “ye” when quoting the Bible in our favor)

When life is good to us, we walk proudly around our planet.  When we have a great job, we walk with confidence.  When we have great kids, we raise our heads with pride.  When we drive a nice car or reveal a nice smile or have a nice diploma hanging in our office, we feel impenetrable to the judgments of others.   When we look thin or have money falling out of our wallet, we feel like we have “made it.”   But have we?  Are the people who do not have all of that, “less” than us?   Is someone inferior simply because of what they drive?   Is the man on the street a worse person because he does not have a 401k?   Are you really a better parent because your child is on the honor roll?  Are you really in better shape than the guy at the gym simply because you look thinner than he?  Are you really a better person because you sit in a pew every Sunday or give more money to a charity?

We live in a physical world and therefore we judge others with a physical standard.  And yet, as I learned in a Wal-Mart parking lot, there are people walking around who look dangerous but are actually safe to babysit my kids.  Maybe even safer than my current babysitters?   There are people who drive lemons who actually may have more money than the woman in the Lexus.  There are people who look in shape at the gym but they could actually be less healthy than the overweight man at Dunkin Donuts.  And there are plenty who play the part at church who could actually be hiding a sin worse than those in prison.

I have come to realize that all these years I have been judging others by the wrong standard.  I judge according to what I can see instead of judging by what I know.   And since most of the time, I don’t actually know the person I am judging (or their heart or motives or why they are in whatever position they are in), I am not in a position to judge them at all.   This is why Jesus says it so directly in Matthew 7, “Do not judge so that you will not be judged.  For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.  Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?    Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” (1-3)

Though He was without sin, Jesus understood something fundamental about the human existence.  Since none of us are perfect we are rarely in a position to judge others.   I might be an adulterer and you might be a murderer but at the end of the day, we are both still guilty.  The jay-walker and the bank robber are still both law breakers.  We shouldn’t judge others simply because they sin differently than us.

I think this is the reason why Jesus was so loved by the sinners of His day.  Everywhere He went, He was surrounded by the social outcasts.  Lepers pursued him.  Prostitutes chased Him.  The blind, the deaf, the lame, the broken, the poor – they all lined up for His attention.  From annoying children to crooked tax collectors to half-breed Samaritans – they were all drawn to His character.  He allowed an unclean prostitute to touch His feet with her hair.  He invited Himself to dinner at the home of Zaccheus, a hated tax collector.  He invited a thief (named Judas) into His inner circle.  He healed the servants of His enemies.   He didn’t look at their appearance or wallets or social standing.  He merely loved them where they were and helped them how He could.

The only Person in a position to judge, never judged them.  The only Person who was allowed to look down at everyone, never did.  He actually preferred their company over the “church folk” and wanted to spend time with them.  He accepted them all, warts and all.  While everyone else pushed them away to the outskirts of town, He brought them close to His chest.  Those that others wouldn’t get near, Jesus actually touched them with His holy hands.  While the church was busy judging them for their appearance and behavior or past, Jesus was busy looking at their heart and their future.

Where are you on the judging past-time?   I have a feeling you judge more than you realize.  Here’s a humbling diagnostic test.  How many people in your social circle look nothing like you?   If you were to host a party, what would the guest list look like?  If they all drive your car and wear your clothes and shop at your stores, perhaps you are missing something.

When was the last time you physically touched an undesirable?   Or helped a minister who looked like a mugger?  Or introduced yourself to the tattooed loner on the street?  Or sat next to the single divorcee at church?  Or invited the homeless guy down the street for a home cooked meal?  Or talked with the local prostitute?   Has it been awhile?  Has it ever happened?  If not, why not?  IF you live in a socially comfortable bubble surrounded by your socially comfortable friends, the following sentence may not sit well with you.

If Jesus came to town, He probably wouldn’t be your close friend.

Would He invite Himself to your house?  Or attend your church?   From what I can tell, He would rather be at the local bar.  Or outside the brothel.  Or sitting on the street corner conversing with the homeless.  Without doubt, children would be nearby.

How could such a holy, sinless Person love the social misfits without judgment and be so comfortable on their turf and in their presence?   How can our unholy, sinful selves not be?

“For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” – Hebrews 4:15-16

I have an addiction…

rodarters

I have come to the realization that I have an addiction.   Actually, to be more accurate, I should probably say I have “another” one.  If I were to truly examine my black heart, I probably have more than two but since addictions carry a massive stigma in our culture, I’ll only officially admit to two*.  Yes, I just put an asterisk after the number two.  After all, no true addict lays down his sword easily without a semantic duel and definition argument.  In other words, whether I have an addiction depends on what your definition of addiction is.  Yea, let’s go with that.  Maybe I only have one now?   Or four.  Ugh.

I am tempted to talk about my addiction in broad terms as that makes me feel better about myself.  For example, I really want to Google this addiction and give you the latest statistics as to which demographics share my addiction, how many people are impacted by it and even the celebrities that also struggle with it.  For some reason it doesn’t seem as pathetic if you can say you have the same addiction as a leading Hollywood action “hero”.  Somehow, placing my addiction in the midst of that sandwich makes it seem more “common” and therefore, less stigmatizing.   Even though I am not alone in this embarrassing pit, sometimes you feel like you are the only one who struggles with it.  Or, that no one struggles with it as much as you.  That is the insidious nature of addictions… to make you feel powerless and convince that you alone are the sole struggler. 

Of course, I would probably tell you most days that I am not addicted to “it”.  I would laugh at your accusation and scoff at your absurd suggestion.   Isn’t that the classic response of an addict?  I would passionately persuade you that I can give “it” up any time I want, for any length of time and be totally OK with that.   But, isn’t that the mantra of all addicts?   Of course, I would give you the same reaction if you accused me of being addicted to cottage cheese but does that response alone mean I am actually addicted to it?   Because seriously, I’m NOT addicted to cottage cheese.  That’s absurd.  I can totally give that up any time I want.   No, I mean it.  

See how convincing I can be?   I actually believe it myself. 

That’s one of the major obstacles of overcoming an addiction, getting the addict to stop believing his own lies.   It’s easy to deceive others if you can first deceive yourself.  And because of this, this is the main reason why the addict is the last one to see his actions as they really are – addictive.   No one likes to be confronted with the ugly truths about ourselves, particularly when those truths are damaging ourselves or our relationships with others.  One of the reasons we deny the accusations so vehemently is not because they are totally false, but because they are mostly true.   A truly ridiculous accusation we can laugh off and move on.  One that is drenched in partial or total truth is a lot harder to blow off.  Add the embarrassment of the truth, the consequences of the habit and the recognition that your once private addiction is now on a highway billboard – it can become utterly overwhelming and devastating to the addict.  

Denial is not only the obvious response, but it is the only one that can keep the addict emotionally intact.  To address the addiction is to address the heart and to address the heart can feel like you are tearing the soul.   The addiction is there to cover some large gaping wound from our past or serve as the anesthesia for our current hurt.

The harsh reality about addictions is this… though it can be a very real and serious problem, the addiction itself is the secondary problem.   The addiction is merely the symptom of a larger issue that needs to be addressed.  There is always something much more insidious underneath it.   Sadly, as a culture, we have stigmatized the wrong thing.   We stigmatize the symptom and we often ignore the root.   

The hard part for any addict is not that he loses his go-to comfort “blankie” in times of stress, but he also must address the reason why it is so important to him.  The goal for any addict is not simply the removal of the habit.  That is merely the first step.  The actual goal is the addressing of the source of why it exists.  All addictions, at their base, are first heart problems before they ever become physical problems.

There are four things I have learned about addictions over the last three years:  

  1. Many people have at least one.  (Don’t try to deny it.  We already know that trick.)
  2. Most everyone has an addiction rating system.  We rank some addictions as being worse than others.   Most would say that a smoking addiction is better than a gambling addiction which is better than alcoholism which is better than drugs which is better than… etc.  
  3. Those inside the church often hide their addictions behind good deeds or under shiny exteriors.
  4. Those outside the church often wear their addictions on their sleeve.  They seem to be more open about their problems.

I’m trying to be more honest about my problems.  I’m really trying to become more transparent about my sins and struggles and habits and past.  I used to be a counselor to many – now I sit before one weekly.  I used to help others with their problems, now others help me with mine.   I used to proudly show my shiny exterior and good deeds to anyone who glanced my way.  Now I try to humbly let people look through my stained-glass window and hear about some of my not-so-good deeds – when needed.   It’s been refreshing.   My addictions and problems may not be on my sleeve (yet) but they are certainly out of my pocket.

One of the most encouraging things about the Bible is that it is a book filled with sinful people who God loved anyway.  Most of the characters in the Book committed some pretty horrible deeds – and God still used them to accomplish some amazing tasks.  Just to name a few:

  • Noah got drunk after God used him to build an Ark that saved his family. (Genesis 9:21)
  • Abraham lied and yet God still allowed him to be the Father of Israel (Genesis 20).
  • Abraham’s nephew, Lot, willingly offered his own daughters to depraved sexual predators (Genesis 19).   In spite of this one-act, the Apostle Peter called him “righteous” (II Peter 2:7).
  • Abraham’s grandson, Jacob, was deceitful (Genesis 27) and yet God blessed him anyway (Genesis 32).
  • Moses was a well-known murderer before God used him to deliver the Israelites from the bondage of Egypt (Exodus 2).
  • Eli raised “worthless sons” and yet God allowed him to serve as the High Priest of Israel (I Samuel 2).
  • Samson intentionally married someone forbidden by the Lord and yet God used him to destroy about 6,000 enemies of Israel (Judges 16).
  • Rahab was a known prostitute and yet God spared her (and her family) for her brave assistance and faith (Joshua 2, Hebrews 11).
  • King David was an awful parent, murderer and adulterer and yet God made him into the greatest king that Israel has ever known (I & II Samuel).
  • Jonah was an appointed prophet of God and yet initially ran from God’s explicit command to preach (Jonah). Jonah reluctantly preached and led the largest revival in recorded history.
  • At Christ’s most vulnerable moment, Peter (one of His most trusted and loyal disciples) denied that he ever knew Jesus (not once, but three times in Mark 14) and yet God restored him to his previous position (John 21) and used him mightily in the church (Acts 2).
  • The promiscuous Samaritan woman was divorced four times, yet that did not stop Christ from using her to spread the gospel in her hometown (John 3).
  • Saul was a known Christian killer and persecutor (Acts 9) and yet in spite of that lifestyle, God changed his heart and used him to change the world.  Because of the murderer of Stephen (an early church Deacon), we have 13 books of the New Testament.  

Yea, my addictions, sins and failures don’t look so bad in that company.   Yet, that is not the point.  I’m not supposed to compare myself to other fallen people since we all wear the same sinful sleeves.  Granted, my sin (or addiction) may be different from yours – but at the end of the day, we’re both still sinners (or addicted) and in need of some help.

Our world does not value broken, weak, addicted people.  God prefers us like that – not because He wants us to remain in that condition – but because He likes to show us what He can do with us and through us – even in our mess.

That’s why Paul writes, “But God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. God chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not —to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him.” – I Corinthians 1:27-29

Only God can make a prostitute pure.  Only God can heal a leper’s skin.  Only God can make a liar truthful.  Man can change a behavior, but only God can change a human heart.  And that same God can take my addiction (or sin, or past) and turn it into something beautiful and useful to Him.   He can do the same with your junk too.

Oh, and I almost forgot… as for the current addiction of mine that prompted this particular blog post… the picture below sums it up.

And for the record.  I’m really not addicted to cottage cheese.  I’m serious.

Letter to my son: As you enter high school…

rodarters
Father and son spending some time together in the pool. Last summer break before high school begins.

Dear Son,

Yesterday, we brought you home from the hospital as a newborn.  Tomorrow you begin your high school career. Where did the time go?  From my viewpoint, it is going faster than I like.  From your seat, it is probably not fast enough.  We all have a different perspective on time.

Tomorrow you will enter a new world, a very different world than the one you know. It is a very exciting world and, at times, a very cruel world.  It is both a fun world and a world that can ruin you, if you are not careful.  I have some great memories from high school largely because I did not make too many foolish decisions back then.

What I am writing to you may feel like a letter.  Consider it a gift.  I wish I had been given an opportunity to read what you are about to read when I was your age. What I am about to share with you comes from a deep well of love and wisdom.  These instructions will serve you well, not just over the next four years of your life – but beyond.

What you will find below are some life lessons that can be applied the moment you walk through those high school doors tomorrow morning.  Hopefully they will still be with you when you move the tassel on your hat on graduation day.

First impressions:  It has been said that you “do not get a second chance to make a first impression.”  It is extremely difficult to change your reputation, especially in high school.   So, decide today – what do you want YOUR reputation to be when you graduate?  A great student?  A good friend?  A nice person?  (All of that sounds good to me!)  Decide who you want to be and then make the daily decision to become that person.  Surround yourself with like-minded people as that will make it even easier for you to stay consistent.  Having said that…

Friendships:  The high school experience is largely about friendships.  From this point forward, you will have the ability to meet and make new friends.  Make lots of them but choose them wisely.  Some of the friends you make now will be with you the rest of your life.  If you allow the wrong people to get close to you, it can take you down a path that can ruin your life, literally.  “Do not be misled: “Bad company corrupts good character.” – I Corinthians 15:33   You have a good character.  Your Mom and I will do everything in our power to keep bad influences away from you.  Help us with goal.

Friends are important but family is “forever.”  The teenage years are notorious for young men like you to want to spend more time with your friends and less time with your family.  Though I understand this, be careful that you remember that family is your anchor.  You won’t be spending the next 30 Thanksgiving meals with the kid next to you in home room.   Friendships are important but they should never trump your family.  This includes your siblings.   You are the oldest and therefore they both look up to you.  Remember to spend time with them, even initiating time together.  I made it a point to spend time with my younger siblings as often as I could.  Uncle Matt and I talked every week.  As a 14-year-old, I didn’t have a lot in common with your Aunts – who were 4.  But, as the oldest sibling, I knew I had to work to be close to them and I had to initiate it.  Those tiny investments, made weekly, is the only reason why I am so close to my siblings today, some 28 years later.

High school is still about SCHOOL.  Make your studies a priority.  Your overall Grade Point Average (G.P.A.) is one of the things that colleges look at when they decide whether to accept you or not.  It is better to be in a position where you can go anywhere you want versus going to the only place that will accept you.  A college education is almost a pre-requisite for any job you apply for beyond your college years.  Even if you were flipping burgers for a living, they will hire a college graduate over a non-college graduate any day.  The better your grades, the better your choices.  Make your studies a priority in high school and you will find that college is much easier for you.  You are extremely intelligent and you have a great track record so far academically.  Keep that pace.  You will not regret it.

Never stop learning.  Never stop asking questions.  Right now, you are forced to go to school.  There will be a time in the near future when no one will tell you what to read or study.  Be a lifetime learner, not one trying to get through the next test.  Never stop studying.  Read everything you can.  As Pastor Howard Hendricks once said, “Readers are leaders and leaders are readers.”  You were meant to be a leader.  Keep reading and learning!

Talking / Listening / Laughing:  You have been blessed with the gift of communication.  I wonder where that came from?  🙂  With any strength, there is always an accompanying weakness and the potential for the gift to be abused.  It is great that you are a good communicator but use that gift in moderation.  In other words, don’t talk too much.  “Like apples of gold in settings of silver is a word spoken in right circumstances.” (Proverbs 25:11)  You were given two ears and one mouth for a reason.  Learn how to listen.  As James says, “Be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” (James 1:19).   You have also been given a great sense of humor.  It has been fun to watch that develop over the years.  You are truly funny.  Having said that, be careful with that gift as humor (like the tongue) can both build up and tear down.  Never be funny at someone else’s expense.  Self deprecating humor is the best and most endearing.   Sarcasm is the lowest form of humor so use it rarely and carefully.

The Golden Rule: One of the very first things I taught you as a small child was Matthew 7:12, “Do unto others what you would have them do unto you.”   High school is a place where people can do and say some very mean things.  Unfortunately, you have little control over how others behave.  Many kids were not raised like you were, with the same high standards.  Regardless, you can control how YOU behave.  Act like the nice young man you are and that you were taught to be.  Speak respectfully to all people at all times, especially your elders.  Open doors for everyone.  Be kind to females.  Look after those that are younger or weaker.  Maintain your manners.  Always be a gentleman.

Temptations:  High school is full of them:  Drinking.  Smoking.  Drugs.  Sex.  Porn.  The list goes on and on.   Avoid them.  Avoid them all.  Like the game Modern Warfare, where the goal is to navigate a city while avoiding the snipers and landmines, view high school in the same manner.  Pay attention.  Have fun but recognize that not everyone or every place is safe.  Use your gaming skills in life.  The following temptations are worse than being shot:

  • Drinking: If your friends are drinking, get new friends.  I mean it.  Drinking before your 21st birthday, though it may seem cool, is still illegal.  You will go to jail for underage drinking.  After seeing three friends of mine from high school die from drunk driving, I never found it worth the risk.  Besides, alcohol is not as great as teenagers make it seem.  A milkshake is more delicious than a beer.  No one ever died for driving under the influence of a milkshake.
  • Smoking/Drugs: If a friend encourages you to smoke or do drugs, he is not your friend. I have never put a cigarette to my lips or drugs in my veins – I am living proof that it is possible to say “No!”  Both are EXTREMELY addictive.  And both can kill you.  After watching my Dad die from smoking, trust me, it isn’t worth the risk.  Don’t throw away your future.
  • Sex:  Sex before marriage is extremely risky, particularly in today’s immoral climate.  The few minutes of pleasure is not worth the risk.  A sexually transmitted disease (or getting someone pregnant) can ruin your future before it ever begins.  In spite of what our culture tells you or what your friends think, your body is not ready for this. You run the risk of acquiring so many more diseases at your tender age – diseases that can stay with you the rest of your life.  Your heart is also not ready for this emotional and spiritual bond.  It is a beautiful thing meant for the context of marriage.  Save yourself for that special woman.  “Flee immorality… do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and that you are not your own?  For you have been bought with a price, therefore honor God in your body.” (I Corinthians 6:18-20)
  • Porn: When I was a kid, the only way you had access to pornographic material was in magazine form, or a VHS cassette.  Today, it’s a lot more accessible.  Google, YouTube, Netflix, your cell phone – you have more access to it than I ever did.   PLEASE, for your sake, DO NOT look.  I have personally seen porn ruin more men’s lives than all other vices combined.  You may be viewed as a prude.  Some may accuse you of being gay but I promise you – if you look and it becomes a habit, it will take you years to overcome and you WILL regret it.  It will also pervert how you view women and your future relationships with them.   “How can a young man keep his way pure?  But keeping it according to God’s word.” (Psalm 119:9)   Like Job, make a covenant with your eyes. (Job 31:1)

Peer pressure: Peers put pressure on you because they want you to be like them.  They want you to approve of what they are doing.  Often times, the greater the pressure, the worse the activity.  Decide NOW how you will handle it.  If you wait until it is upon you, you have already given in to it.  Blame me every time if you need to (“My Dad won’t let me.”) but do not cave to it.  We all want to be popular but some popularity has a price that is not worth paying.  Be your own person.  We all live before an Audience of One.  God sees everything we do.  “For His eyes are on the ways of a man, and He sees all his steps.” (Job 34:21)   Try to remember this.  Every time I have forgotten this truth, it has cost me dearly.

Grow your own faith in Christ. My high school years were some very turbulent years for me.  The ONLY reason I made it through unscathed was because I read my Bible and attended a good church.  You have been raised in the church all your life, under great Bible teaching, surrounded by strong believers and guided by Christian parents.  This foundation is a blessing.  But you now have to decide to have on your own relationship with God.  Read His Word daily.  It will serve as a “lamp unto your feet and a light unto your path.” (Psalm 119:105)   I know I have not been the best Christian example at times – and the times that I have fallen have been the times that I walked away from God and His Word.  Learn from my example, both good and bad.  “Come near to God and He will come near to you.” (James 4:8)

Lastly, no matter what happens, I will always love you.  No matter what you have done, you can always call me or talk to me – at any hour.  There may be consequences to face, but I will always be your Dad and I will always love you more than anyone at that school.  You may not agree with every decision I make, but I promise you, every decision has your best interests in mind – whether you recognize it or not.  Remember, I walked this path before you.  I know the pitfalls.  I am here to help you through them.

Love,    Dad

Living life with radar on and antennae up

rodarters

Earlier this week I boarded a Greyhound bus heading from Charlotte, NC to Philadelphia, PA.   Surprisingly, it was my first time ever traveling on a commercial bus that wasn’t part of a guided tour.   Since I love all forms of travel, I figured I would embrace the Greyhound experience.  The Express bus had extra leg room, free Wi-fi and the ability to plug in a laptop.  I can’t even do that on a plane!  Like most stations and terminals, it also its share of interesting people to look at.   Every age, every color, every shape and size were there to board the bus along with me.

Over the years I have become a professional people watcher.  That is, unless you define “professional” as getting paid.  No one has given me money (yet) to do this.  “Where on the East Coast was everyone going?” I wondered.  “Why is that lady wearing THAT outfit?”  “That man looks sad, I wonder why?”  As curious as I was, I was also very tired and did not feel like talking to anyone.  If I’m on the road and want to talk to others, I generally carry a magazine. A magazine tells others, “I’m reading but it’s not important so you can interrupt me anytime you want.”   By contrast, if I am traveling and wish to be left alone, I will bring out my Bible.  No one talks to you if you have an open Bible in fear that they might be the target of your next conversion.  It’s like carrying a loaded weapon. Anyone sitting near you is afraid it will be aimed at them.

At a layover in Richmond, I found myself continuing my hobby of people watching.  I noticed a young Japanese girl with a huge red bag walking around somewhat aimlessly.  It was clear she was new to our country and unfamiliar with our stations.  As I walked past her, she asked me a question about her ticket and destination.  It turns out we were both ending our trip in Philadelphia.  With her question answered, she went to the station’s in-house restaurant.  I went back to people watching.  About 30 minutes later, we boarded the bus.   As Providence would have it, we ended up sitting next to each other and for the next five hours we engaged in conversation about her country, Hiroshima (her home town), World War II, the Olympics, family, Google Translate, blogging, religion and Cinnabons.

As we exchanged contact information at our destination and said our goodbyes, I realized something.  I thought I was taking a bus from Charlotte to Philadelphia.  Actually, I was forming a new friendship.  The bus was merely the setting.  I had a one dimensional goal in travel – get to Philadelphia.  Apparently, God had two.  I could have driven my own car to Philadelphia.  I could have taken a plane or train.  But I didn’t.  I took a bus.  And on that specific day (Tuesday, July 31st) in that specific city (Richmond, VA) on that specific bus (GLI 3014) at that specific time (9:15am) entered a specific stranger (Kyoko) who would decide to sit in a specific seat next to specific me.

What would have happened had I not had my “antennae” up or had I been closed to a conversation with a stranger?  What if I was in ipod-land or sleeping or too engrossed in a book to notice a visitor to our country?  I would have missed out on getting to know a fascinating person and making a new international friend.  This specific moment in time, I was paying attention.  But I wonder – how many moments a day do I miss because my antennae is down?  How many moments do you miss because your radar is tuned to you and not to others?

There are people (strangers, friends and family) all around us that are in need of something and oftentimes we have the ability to personally meet that need.  The question is, are we willing to do so?  How many people in your life are lonely and need your friendship now more than ever?  A simple phone call, email or an invite for coffee could be all the salve they need for their current hurt.  How many people in your life need to borrow some money this month because they can’t keep their electric bill on during these tough economic times?  How many single Moms need help with the children since they can’t “find enough hours in the day to do all that they have to do?”  How many married couples desperately need a free babysitter so they can go on a long overdue date to keep their struggling marriage together?  How many elderly neighbors need someone to clean their gutters or do their yard work since they can’t physically do the work themselves?   How many Pastors need a letter from a member of their congregation saying they appreciate their often thankless work?  How many employees need a “Good job!  I notice what you do!” comment from their boss?   Whether its money or services or talents or time or encouragement, everyone possesses something that can benefit others.

The reality is simple.  If you have some extra time, you need to figure out how you can give it to benefit another.  If you have some extra money, you should find a way to get it in the hands of someone who desperately needs it.  If you have a certain gift or talent, you need to ask yourself, “Where can I best use this today?”   If you have an extra car, maybe someone needs to borrow it.  If you have leftovers, maybe there is a single person down the street who would love a home cooked meal, even if that meal has been cooked twice?  Daily bread is meant for us – to meet our needs.  Abundance of bread is meant for others – to meet their needs.

When you read the Gospels, you see the Example of a Man who lived His entire life with His radar on and antennae up.  Jesus was never en route to somewhere without being aware of people and their many needs.  On His way to Jerusalem (to be killed) He healed two blind men (Matthew 20).  Even from the cross, barely able to breathe, He made sure someone would be there to look after His mother once He was gone (John 19).  He never ran errands interrupted by people.  People were His errands and every movement He made was for them.

One of my favorite passages of Scripture is referenced above where Jesus heals the two blind men.  Mark chapter 10 tells us that one of them is named Bartimaeus.  We are told that Jesus was leaving the town of Jericho with His disciples and a large crowd was following Him.  If you have ever been in the center of a large crowd, you will know two things to be true:

  1. You do not notice much beyond your immediate personal space.
  2. You can only hear what is being said by those closest to you.

Unless, of course, you have your radar on and antennae up.   As Jesus was walking along, He heard someone calling to Him over the noise of the crowd.  Initially the men were told by others to be quiet.  Ignoring them, they continued to yell louder and louder.  Jesus called the men to Himself and asked them an unthinkable question.   It’s a question that a subject asks a King.  It’s a question that a slave asks his master.  It’s a question that a child asks his parent.  It is certainly not a question that God should ask a man.   The question was simply,

“What do you want Me to do for you?”

What a powerful question.  What an opportunity!  The God of the Universe is asking blind beggars what He can do for them.  Jesus is not oblivious to the men’s obvious need.  Jesus wasn’t asking because He didn’t know the answer.   It was merely a lesson for them (and us) on prayer and faith.   You ask God in prayer and believe with faith.

That question leads me to two thoughts.

  1. What if God asked you today, “What do you want me to do for you?”, how would you answer Him?   What is your life missing?   What does your faith lack?   God still asks the same question to blind beggars today.  Before He grants sight, you have to recognize your blindness and you need to ask by faith.   Maybe that is why we are still blind in so many areas of our life?  We are too stubborn to admit it or too proud to ask.
  2. What would happen if you made it a habit to ask that same question to someone else every day?   How could that radically impact someone’s life?  Honestly, I think it would radically change yours.

With your radar on you will see an entirely different world today.  When your antennae is up, you will see the needs of those around you like never before.   Not everyone’s needs are physical or financial.  Some are emotional and spiritual, but very real nonetheless.  You need to open your eyes and start asking the question.

What if God placed you in that particular cubicle at work to meet the needs of co-workers?  Maybe you live on your specific street, not because it’s your dream house, but because you have blind neighbors that need to see.   What if God put you in that particular seat on the plane to help heal a fellow passengers sight?   What if life isn’t about the travel or the house or the paycheck?   What if it is supposed to be about meeting the needs of others?

What if today was supposed to be about helping blind men see?  Is your radar on and antennae up?

***** Below is a picture of my new friend, enjoying a Cinnabon treat that I gave her.   On her Facebook page she wrote afterward, “My new American friend gave me happiness!  Best cinnamon roll in America!”  

What blogging has taught me about being popular

rodarters
This is me at 13 years of age. Slick hair. Favorite shirt. Flexing non-existent muscles. Mouth full of braces.  Huge nose.  String bean body.  The only thing I remember from that moment was I thought I looked great. Seriously?? That’s the difficult thing about pride… it’s the only disease that makes everyone sick but the one who has it.
“Be not proud of race, face, place, or grace.” – Charles Haddon Spurgeon.

With the publication of this particular blog post, it appears I will have reached five mini-milestones and one “A-HA” moment.  First, the milestones:

  1. For starters, it will mark the 3 month anniversary of my blog.  Though I have been writing for years, this is my first attempt at writing within the blogging walls.  It’s been an interesting experience so far.
  2. This is my 50th post.  Originally I had planned on writing one blog entry per day.  That goal, it turns out, was a bit ambitious and unrealistic, given my life circumstances.  Now it seems that I average about three a week.  Since I prefer quality over quantity, I’m fine with my current pace.
  3. With this post, my blog will have been visited over 26,000 times.   When I started, I wasn’t even sure I would read what I wrote.  The number is humbling.  I originally thought it was due to my Mom clicking on my blog 26,000 times.   Moms are supportive like that.  But seeing that her Facebook page hasn’t been accessed for over two years, there must be another explanation.  One of my best friends told me today that he has never read my blog.  If my friends aren’t reading it, I must have a lot of enemies.
  4. As of today, this blog has been read in over 100 countries, some I have never heard of!  From Canada to Japan and everywhere in-between. It’s even been read in Pakistan, Iraq, & Madagascar.  I thought Madagascar was a movie??
  5. My blog’s mission is to produce thought-provoking material.  Provoked thoughts provoke comments.  With the publishing of this 50th entry, it will have generated over 400 comments.  Most every writer loves feedback.  It allows us to see how (or if) we are connecting with our invisible audience.  I have enjoyed reading each remark, even the few that have had an issue with what I have written.  Since I respect the time that it takes to read my blog and comment, I have made it a point to personally respond (eventually) to each reply.  As much as I have enjoyed this exercise (and will continue as long as I can), it has led me to an “A-HA” moment.

The “A-HA” moment is simply this: I care what you think.

That may not seem very “A-HA-ish” to you, but it was surprising for me.  Here is why:

I spent my entire elementary, middle and high school career wanting to be liked.  Who doesn’t?  Everyone wants friends.  Unfortunately, I learned the cost to being popular was a higher price than I ever wanted to pay.  Often times, I saw the “cool” kids were mean to others.  I guess by putting others down, it made them feel better about themselves.  Or they were snobby.  Only those just like them were allowed in their inner circles.  They often stayed in their cliques.  As we advanced in school, some began cursing to keep their “cool” status.  Or they were doing drugs.  Or getting drunk.  Or having sex.  Or ______________ (fill in the blank).  Please note, I’m not implying that every “in-crowd” member had to compromise like this.  As a general rule of thumb, though, it seemed to me that the popular kids weren’t always the altar boys.

The problem, for me, was that as much as I wanted to be popular – I didn’t want to compromise who I was raised to be.  I was taught to be nice to everyone.  I was told to speak appropriately.  Watching my Dad die from smoking at age five, I knew I didn’t want to touch the “death sticks.”  Losing three friends in high school to drunk driving, I was afraid to drink the addictive liquid.  Drugs never made sense to me.  Besides, Nancy Reagan told me to “just say NO.” so I did.  Being the acne-ridden, skinny kid with a big nose and bad hair, sex wasn’t an option for me.  Besides, you saw the picture.  “Babe magnet” was not one of my nicknames.  As a result, I grew up with the realization that I would not be super popular and I was determined not to care.   Little did I know how helpful that indifference was for me.  It allowed me to maintain some convictions through the years.  It kept me from making some stupid decisions during some critical years.  It gave me the freedom to have friendships up and down the social ladder.  It taught me to do the right thing (most times), even if it was unpopular.  And most importantly, it showed me the importance treating all people kindly, not just the ones that could do something for me or improve my “status.”

What I have found fascinating is how Facebook is the great social equalizer.  When I signed on five years ago, I started getting friend requests from my middle and high school classmates.  People I never spoke to in high school (literally) now wanted to be my “friend.”  People that were mean to me (20 years ago) now wanted to add me to their friend number.  Had they finally come to their senses and added maturity to their resume?  Or were they merely trying to be popular in this new social medium?  On one level, it was amusing.  On another level, it was like getting inducted into the “in-crowd”, twenty years late.  As I look at my high school friends on Facebook, social standing is now irrelevant.  There is no cool table in the online lunch room.   We send messages and comment on status updates like we are family.  Too bad maturity often eludes youth.  We all lost a lot of time being petty about our friendships.

As Facebook has forced me to address friendships I had long forgotten about, so blog writing has forced me to question what price I’m willing to pay to be “liked” – even now as an adult.   I am realizing that it’s a slippery slope.   For example, if I write a blog about how I like President Obama, the Republicans will be all over me.  If I say there is a God, the atheists will come out of the woodwork with condescending mockery.  If I admit I’m a Dallas Cowboy fan, I’ll have death threats from my home-town Philadelphia Eagle friends.  If I say anything negative about Muhammad, I’ll have a fatwa on my head before noon.  See my point?  There is just no way to truly be popular with all people all the time.  Everything I could say is disagreeable to someone.  And that is where the “A-HA” moment comes in.

Though I do care what you think, my pen has to be consistent with my conscience.  From the well of my convictions, I have to fetch the water that I believe to be true.  With each published post, I have tried to align my thoughts with God’s thoughts (as revealed in the Bible).  Instead of trying to make 26,000 people in 100 different countries “like” my blog, I am finding I prefer a heavenly Audience of One.  Frankly, it’s a lot easier.

The truth is, people change.  God does not (Hebrews 13:8, Malachi 3:6).  The people who like President Obama today, will hate him tomorrow.  Just ask President Bush.  Those who were Bronco fans last season will like the Jets this season.  Just ask Tim Tebow.  And as soon as I try to become popular with one group this month, tides will turn and my blog will be ignored by the same group next month.

Billy Joel echoed this truth in his song, “The Entertainer”:

“I am the entertainer, And I know just where I stand:
Another serenader, And another long-haired band.
Today I am your champion. I may have won your hearts.
But I know the game, You will forget my name,
And I won’t be here In another year,
If I don’t stay on the charts.”

The reality is that we are a temperamental, wishy-washy, fickle people.  And God knows it – firsthand.

After all, one week the Jews were shouting “Hosanna in the Highest!” and laying palm branches before Christ as He rode on a donkey into Jerusalem.  The people loved Him when they thought He was there to save them from the Romans.  He wasn’t.  Disappointed, their sentiment changed.  One week later, those same Jews were shouting “Crucify Him!”  He had come to save them, not from Roman rule, but from their sinful selves.   Jesus wasn’t trying to become Homecoming King.  He came to be King of all kings.
He was never trying to please man.  His only aim was to please God.

How about you?  Who are you trying to please?  Your Boss?  Spouse?  Kids?  Parents?  Be careful.  People are fickle.  In a lot of ways, they are like children.  One week they want “this.”  Next week they want “that.”  In your attempt to please everyone you will discover that you can please no one.

Those you aim to please this week may place you on an ass.  Next week they might consider you one.  🙂

“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance.” – Colossians 3:23

“We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.” – Colossians 1:9-10

I want to die…

rodarters

When I read the Bible, I can’t help but wonder certain silly questions like,

  • “Did Adam have a belly button?
  • Did the serpent speak with a lisp?
  • Was Boaz built like Fabio?

I get these certain images in my mind of what the person or event looked like and wonder how close I am to the truth.   I read about some of the amazing events that occurred (parting of the Red Sea, fall of Jericho, etc) and wonder what it must have been like to actually have been there.

I read the stories that involve legendary men like Elijah, Jonah, Job, David or Paul and marvel at what occurred in their lives.  The truth is, they probably didn’t think they were very legendary at the time.  They were just ordinary men who did extraordinary things when their lives were yielded to a miracle making God.

What would it have been like to be the Prophet Elijah?   The miracles God performed through him were truly remarkable.  He caused the rain to cease for 3 1/2 years simply by praying (1 Kings 17:1).  He resurrected the widow’s son from the dead (1 Kings 17:22).  He called fire from heaven on the altar and then  slayed 850 prophets of Baal (1 Kings 18:38).  He parted the Jordan River (II Kings 2:8).  So significant was his impact on earth that his assistant’s (Elisha) only request was that when Elijah died, he be given a double portion of his spirit (II Kings 2:10).

What would it have been like to be the Prophet Jonah? Though he was initially disobedient and rebellious, the book that bears his name ends with Jonah leading the largest revival ever recorded in the history of the world.  (Interestingly, the city that Jonah was called to preach to was named Ninevah, today known as Mosul – located in modern-day Iraq.)  If a preacher today could preach one sermon and convert an entire city (over 120,000 people) – he would be on the cover of Time magazine and interviewed on every major network – not to mention immediately become the Pastor of the world’s largest church.   That was the accomplishment of this reluctant evangelist.

What would it have been like to be Job? The greatest man in all the East. Wealth, beyond imagination. His whole life was just one giant blessing – from his business to his family to his walk with God. So pure was Job’s heart that God was led to showcase His “blameless and upright” servant before an exclusive heavenly audience. If he were a businessman today, Job would be a CEO for a Fortune 500 company and at the top of the “World’s richest man” list.  Financially, he was the Bill Gates of the Bible.

What would it have been like to be King David? A shepherd boy turned king. The youngest in his family and the ruler of God’s chosen race.  A poet, a musician, a writer, a warrior. A man who killed a lion & bear with his bare hands. A man whom God used to save his nation from imminent slavery.  Without David’s pen, we would not have most of the book of Psalms.  Though his life was beset with many sins, he was undoubtedly blessed by God and would be forever known as Israel’s greatest king.

What would it have been like to be the Apostle Paul? One week he is killing Christians. The next week he is one of Christ’s most devoted followers. Even while in prison, he had an audience with the kings of the culture, Governors like Felix & Festus. Because of God’s writings through Paul, we have 13 books of the New Testament. A church planter, discipler and pastor – we owe much of Christianity’s impact in the first century (and beyond) to this one man.

What do these men all have in common?  For starters, they all were considered righteous.  They all were (eventually) enormously successful.  They all were used by God in mighty ways.  They all made a significant impact upon their culture.  But there was one more attribute they all had in common.

Surprisingly, they all, at one point, wanted to die.

  • Fear of Jezebel caused Elijah to desire death after his amazing victory over the prophets of Baal.
  • Job wanted to die after experiencing unimaginable loss – even regretting the day of his birth.
  • Jonah would rather die than see an enemy people enter the family of God.
  • David often despaired of his life when chased by his enemies, as recorded in the Psalms.
  • Paul wanted to die while being persecuted in chains (Philippians 1:21-23).

You expect losers to want to die.  You expect quitters to want to end their life.  You expect people whose lives don’t amount to much to desire the next life.  But not Christians!  Not successful people.  Not people who have been used by God.  Especially not legendary men of the Bible!

Yes, sometimes even Christians struggle with depression.  Sometimes even successful people want to end their lives.  Even the legendary men of the Bible wanted to quit at times.

Have you ever felt like dying?  Ever want to call it quits?  I have – many times, even recently.  As recent as tonight.  Like Job, I have experienced painful loss.  Like Paul, I have been persecuted by enemies.  Like David, I have seen the devastating effects of my sins.  Even tonight, I feel crushed by the weight of my past.  Like Jonah, I have wrestled with not wanting to do what God called me to do.  I have desired, many a time, to just be gone from this hurting planet.   “Why am I stuck in traffic“, I think, “when I could be on streets of gold?”

The older I get, the less I want to be here.  The more time I spend on earth, the stronger my desire is for Heaven.

I’m not alone.  I have many friends who are, right now, struggling with enormous daily problems; financial, emotional, relational, physical.   It seems everywhere I turn, people are hurting.  There are times when life is just overwhelming and the easy answer is to end it all.

But we keep going.  We put on a smile at breakfast even as we attempt to help little ones rise from the dead (aka sleep).  Killing a bear would be easier than helping a child get ready for school.  We get dressed every day in spite of the Goliath waiting for us at work.  We can barely part the laundry let alone think about parting the Red Sea.  We try to do what God calls us to do, in spite of the physical or emotional pain.   Some days, just getting out of bed is an accomplishment.

In a lot of ways, whether you know it or not, you are in good company.  Men like Elijah and David and Jonah relate to your struggle.  They too, wanted to quit but didn’t.

Here is the good news.  Your story isn’t over yet.  There is still time on the clock.  The last chapter has not been written and the movie credits have not scrolled up.  Today may be hard but God is not unaware of your struggle.  The miracles of the Bible are still available today.  The only difference between you and the Prophet Elijah is time.  The same God that helped David kill the lion and the bear is the same God that helps you pay your bills and drive your kids to soccer practice.  Your tasks may seem different, but the lesson is still the same.

TRUST.

Granted, you may have some big problems to address.  I know I do.  But you also have a BIG GOD at your side.   David did not look at Goliath and think “He is too big, I’ll never hit him.”  Because of God, David looked at Goliath and thought, “He is so big, I can’t miss.”  David didn’t kill Goliath because of “five smooth stones.”  David killed Goliath because He trusted a God who could aim.   God still aims today.   And He uses what is in our hand to do it.

Today, as you go out into battle – trust that you are not alone.  Trust that there is a God “who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.” (Ephesians 3:20)

HIS power.

At work.

Within us.

Are you accessing that power?   Ask Him for it.

Paul did.  David did.  Jonah did.  Job did.  Elijah did.

So can I.   Yea, even me.

So can you.  Yea, even you.

My precious regrets

rodarters

Like most people, I have some regrets in life.  I regret not doing better in school.  I regret not reading more as a child.  I regret not reading more as an adult.  I regret every lie I have ever told.  I regret not telling certain people I loved them before they died.  I regret not spending more time with my grandparents.  I regret the times I have lost my temper.  I regret the times I have lived like a hypocrite.  The list goes on and on.  If you’re honest, you have your own list too.

For whatever reason, most of us have to learn the hard way.  We have to get hurt before we really pay attention.  We have to lose something before we truly appreciate what we lost.   Too often we have to fall before we can really rise.  Life is an effective teacher and sometimes it teaches some unforgiving, painful lessons.  Often times, we fail the test and end up in after-school detention. 

As I look back at my pile of regrets, it’s easy to let depression sink in.  It’s easy to allow negative, self-destructive thoughts to get comfortable in my mind.  They like to stretch out their legs, lay on my mental couch, eat a bag of shameful cheetos and talk trash all day long.  They enjoy playing back the tape recording of my words.  They love to insert the DVD of my actions.  They joyfully point to the ticking clock of all the opportunities that I missed.  And they know how to pour on the guilt, even better than your Mother.

There are three main problems with their constant verbal assaults.  First, they are all true.  Every one they mention actually happened on my watch.  Second, they are all in the past, a place I can never change.  Third and most troubling, I listen to them.  They are as familiar to me as any favorite song on the radio.  Except the lyrics are poison to my soul.  As the landlord of my mind, I need to evict the tenant of regret.  Instead, I often refill his drink as I turn up the volume of his accusations. 

When I think about each remembered item in the pile, regret is the natural reaction.  I would love an opportunity for a “do-over”, a second chance, the ability to “replay the down.”  Who wouldn’t?  If only we could take back that sentence.  If only we could undo that action.  If only we could have changed that decision, we’d have one less regret in the pile.  As we know all too well, some of those regrets have been costly.   Some of those regrets have cost some of us – everything.  Regret is especially profound and appropriate when our past actions have affected innocent lives.  We should always regret the wrong we have done and the subsequent consequences they have caused. 

Having said that, we must not let past regret paralyze our present or negatively affect our future  (as much as it is in our control).   We cannot let our regrets beat us up for the rest of our lives.   Yes, we should accept the responsibility for our actions.  But then we should raise our heads high, knowing we have done (or are doing) everything in our power to make right our wrongs.  We must look at regret, eyeball to eyeball, recognize our failure, own our specific role, offer the necessary apologies and move it to the pile of “precious.”

When I think of the word precious, sadly I think of Gollom, the grotesque creature in the Lord of the Rings trilogy.  If you are familiar with the story, you know that Gollom is also after the coveted ring.  He has a love/hate relationship with it.  When it is in his possession, he cradles it in his hands and says (in a way only he can), “My precious.”   It’s very creepy.  The movie does an outstanding job of portraying the torment the ring causes him.  He hates the ring and what it does to him but at the same moment, it is precious to him.   That is how I often view my pile of regret.

On one hand, I hate them because of all the pain they have caused me and others through the years.  On the other hand, each one has taught me lessons that I’m not sure I could have learned without them.  Each one has grown me and matured me in a way that would have been impossible otherwise.  

I’m reminded of the story in the New Testament with Simon, a leader of the church and “a woman who lived a sinful life.”   As Jesus entered the house of Simon, one of the Pharisees, the woman followed Him in.  Back in that day, it would have been customary for the host of the home to do two things for each guest.  First, to offer a kiss (on both cheeks) as a sign of friendship and welcome.  Second, to offer a bowl of water to wash the traveler’s feet.  In our culture, it would be customary to “take their coat.”  In Galilee the equivalent gesture would be a bowl of water as walking in the desert gave every arriving house guest dirty feet.  Simon failed to offer Jesus either customary greeting.  By contrast, the “sinful” woman did.  The Bible tells us what Simon thought of her presence.  “When the Pharisee who had invited him saw the woman, he said to himself, “If this man (Jesus) were a prophet, he would know who is touching him and what kind of woman she is — that she is a sinner.”   Jesus points out the contradiction of character when “he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house. You did not give Me any water for My feet, but she wet My feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give Me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing My feet.   You did not put oil on My head, but she has poured perfume on My feet.   Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.” (Luke 7:44-47)

Based on her description alone, it’s obvious the woman had some regrets. Looking at her emotional reaction, it’s safe to say her regret pile was large. Judging from Simon’s thoughts, her reputation preceded her.  But think about her above gesture for a minute.  How hard must you cry in order to collect enough tears to wash with?  What posture must you assume in order to get your hair on someone’s feet?  How humble must you be to touch anyone’s feet for any reason?  This wasn’t done privately.  This was done openly in a stranger’s house!  It gives us a glimpse to the depth of her regrets!

I relate to that woman.  I have lived the sinful life and have the moral rap sheet to prove it.  I have hurt others with my words and actions and feel their stares from time to time in public places.  It’s not easy living with regret because even years after the fact, the consequences can live on.  

One Sunday I walked into a local church and saw two individuals who I knew were hurt by my actions.  One was my city’s version of Simon, a leader in the church and community.  The woman next to him was his daughter.  I intentionally approached them in a spirit of reconciliation and friendship.  Needless to say, it takes courage to initiate such an approach.  The woman looked at me and said, “How dare you darken the doors of this church?”   I wasn’t sure what to say.   I looked at “Simon” and he said nothing.  He didn’t have to.  I knew I was the last person they wanted to deal with that day.  I simply smiled and said, “It’s good to see you both” and walked into the sanctuary.  Where else was I supposed to go?   I had a bucket of tears and some hair and was looking for a pair of nailed pierced feet to wash.  

Something important happened that day.  I realized that I may never “earn back” a relationship with some people I have hurt.  I also realized that I cannot let my regret paralyze me from moving forward.  I can’t let shame keep me from healing.  And I certainly cannot let the condescending looks of a few “Christians” keep me from darkening the doors of a church.  I didn’t come to church that Sunday to be judged by fellow sinners.  I came to get cleansed by a gracious God.  And before Him we all stand as regretful equals.  

Yes, I have some regrets.  Yes, the pile is larger than I’d like to admit.  But I am thankful I have a God who embraces each one of them, places them on His outstretched arms and lifts my head in grace.   And that can turn any regret into a precious lesson.

“Godly sorrow brings repentance that leads to salvation and leaves no regret, but worldly sorrow brings death.” (II Corinthians 7:10)

My scars and what they teach me

rodarters

 I have a sizeable “V-shaped” scar on my right forearm.  It looks like I was bit by a Pit Bull.  In fact, I often tell people who ask that is what happened.  Or I’ll claim it was an injury I sustained “in ‘Nam” even though I was five when the Vietnam War had ended.  It always raises an eyebrow when I say it, which gives me great satisfaction.  I’m not sure why I enjoy saying that.  I’ll have to work that one out with my counselor.

My scar is the result of a freak accident when I was ten years old.  During an intense backyard baseball game (think Sandlot), my moving arm caught the bar of a nearby swing set.  As my forearm struck the metal pole, a rusty screw was sticking out and grabbed the flesh, severing  nerves and tearing tendons.  Game over.  Six hours and eight surgical staples later, my arm was “fixed.”  It happened to be Mother’s Day.  Nothing says “Happy Mother’s Day” like seeing a child in the E.R. on her special day.

We all have scars.  They seem to be the by-product of life.  Some of our scars are physical.  Others are emotional or mental.  But if we are honest, we all have some.  Some we can show off to others and even laugh about their origins.  Others are so painful to discuss or even reveal – we do our best to hide them from sight or even our own memory.   Some may affect our lives for a day or a week or a month.  Others are life-changing.  I have a combination of both.  I have come to appreciate the scars (physical & emotional) I have acquired in my first forty-two years.  Having said that, I am hoping to receive less scars in my last four or five decades on this planet.  Regrettably, because of foolish decisions and poor choices, I have unknowingly given some scars to others in my path.  For that, I am truly sorry.

Scars reveal a past hurt.  Scars hide a previous pain.  They normally point to a regretful experience and a painful past.  Some scars are the result of a true “accident”.  Other scars are because of foolish decisions.  The hardest scar to heal from is the one received unwillingly by another’s selfish action.   Children of divorce understand that scar all too well.

As I look back at some of my scars (physical & emotional), I have come to appreciate them in a new light.  That appreciation has not come easily or quickly.  Whereas before I might have tried to make up a palatable story to explain the scar’s existence, now I just tell the story “as is.”  Whereas before I might have tried to cover up the mark and avoid talking about it, now I embrace it as part of the “new me.”  Some people, depending on their scar or the pain that caused it, will not be able to reach my same level of transparency.  Others, over time, might come to a point where they are even thankful for the experience that caused the scar.  For the most part, I am at that stage.  I am grateful for the experiences and their scars as it has taught me some valuable lessons I could not have learned without them.

I am a firm believer that everything happens for a reason.  As a result, I tend to think my scars exist in order to teach me a greater lesson.  Sometimes I wonder if some of my scars are not for me as much as they are for others.  Seeing that God’s ways are not my ways and His thoughts are not my thoughts (Isaiah 55), God could allow me to receive a scar for the sole benefit of others.  Being that He is multi-dimensional, He could also use one scar to teach multiple people multiple lessons.  The book of Job is an example of that.  Because I do not know the cause of your particular scar, I will not assume that the lessons I glean should be applied to you.  That is your call.  Having said that, here are a few lessons that my scars have taught me.

  • My scars remind me of where I have been.  Depending on the scar and it’s cause, this can be an extremely painful reminder, particularly if the scar is from someone else’s selfish act. But I have found it is a good reminder (from time to time) as I can better appreciate where I am today.  Those who deny the existence of the pain that caused the scar or the scar itself cannot ultimately heal like they need to.  Too often we try to cover the scar instead of embracing it, to our own detriment.  At the very least, we need to work through the pain and do what we can to reduce the scar tissue.
  • My scar reminds me to be careful in the future.  Every scar comes with a lesson.  For a burn mark on a toddler’s hand, the lesson is do not touch a hot stove.  The physical scars usually communicate a very clear lesson like – do not run into swing sets.  The emotional or mental scars may be harder to discern what the lesson is.  They can certainly take more time to uncover.  Even so, there is always something we can learn from our scars and therefore it is always worth the time invested to discover it.  Take the time to do the research on what caused it and what needs to happen so you don’t experience any more.  Needless to say, I no longer play backyard wiffle ball with a rusted swing set near the bases.
  • Each scar helps me empathize with others who have similar scars.  If I have the scar of surviving cancer, I can empathize with those who are in the midst of receiving their cancer scar.  If I have the scar of losing a child or losing a job or losing a relationship, I can help others through the same painful loss.  There is a great power in empathy.  There is a special bond that is created when you are truly able to relate (experientially) to another man’s pain.  As II Corinthians 1 reminds us, “…the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.”  The goal with every scar is to eventually get to a point where you can help others deal with theirs.  We are on this planet together for a reason.  We are our brother’s keeper.  In that place of comforting others, you often find an unexpected healing in you.
  • A scar is a sign of healing.   “Every significant wound results in some degree of scarring.  A scar results from the biological process of wound repair in the skin and other tissues in the body.  Thus, scarring is a natural part of the healing process.” (Wikipedia.org)  If there wasn’t a scar, it would still be a wound.  The fact that there is a scar reveals that there has been some level of healing.  Some of the scars I have experienced have taken me years before I could get in a position to talk about it or help others.  Other scars I can talk about relatively quickly.   The fact that there is a scar is a good sign.  The painful experience is over.  Healing has begun.

Though most of us would not have chosen many of the negative experiences we have gone through, as we look back we can see some good that has come out of it.  God has the unique ability to make an ugly scar beautiful (Romans 8:28).

When I was five years old, my Dad died in front of me.  As he took a nap on the couch, I was playing nearby on the floor with my brother.  While he was asleep, his lungs inexplicably collapsed and he died.  It is my only true memory of my father.  For the last 37 years I have carried that scar of a lost relationship.  I missed out on all the typical father/son activities.  To my frustration, I grew up watching many children not appreciate their parents.  One of the lessons that particular scar taught me is that life is short and precious and to appreciate those you have – while you have them.   The loss of my Dad has also made me a better parent – another valuable lesson gleaned from that scar.  Though the scar is painful, even to this day, much good has come out of it.  Over the years I have been able to help comfort dozens of children and teenagers who have lost a parent suddenly.  Without my particular scar, such comfort would have been impossible.

Perhaps the next time you look at your own scars, you will have a different perspective? Perhaps one day you will have the courage to embrace a particularly painful scar or the reason for its existence? Maybe there is a lesson for you in the scar?  Maybe the lesson is for someone else? Maybe even one day you will get to the point of helping others handle theirs?  Your scar, though created by pain, could end up being something very beautiful to behold.

One last thought…

On the night that Jesus was resurrected from the dead, He appeared to His disciples (John 20).  After greeting them, the very first thing He did was show them His scars – the scars given to Him as a result of the cross.  The scars on His hands, side & feet were significant as they pointed to an extremely painful past.  Jesus could have covered them up.  He could have gotten mad at the Jews for giving them to Him.  He could have blamed the Romans for scarring the hands that made them.  Instead, He was quick to show them off because He recognized the purpose behind them.  His scars revealed that healing had occurred.  As the prophet Isaiah wrote 700 years before, “He was pierced through for our transgressions, He was crushed for our iniquities;  He was beaten so we could be made whole.  By His wounds, we are healed. (verse 5)”  In other words, His hands were scarred so ours don’t have to be.

When I get to Heaven, I want to see His scars.   After all, without them, I’d never be there.

His scars are visible for a reason.  So are yours.

The Dark Knight Rises indeed

rodarters

By now most everyone has probably heard the news of another shooting spree in Colorado.  (What is it with that state and its senseless shootings??)   Last night, during an early morning screening of the new Batman movie, “A Dark Knight Rises”, a 24-year-old man walked into a packed theatre, released a tear-gas laden smoke bomb and opened fire on the crowd.  From all reports, he was heavily armed.  By contrast, his victims were not.   As of now, 12 are dead with over 70 injured.  Some are still in critical condition, clinging to life.  Those that manage to survive will never be the same.

It’s difficult to watch the news coverage of such a tragedy.   Most of us watch it from our sterile environments and remain a safe emotional distance from the pain.  But last night, someone lost their son or daughter.  Someone’s Mom or Dad was killed.  They didn’t die in Iraq or Afghanistan.  They died in Suburbia.  They didn’t die protecting our freedom.  They died enjoying one.  Dozens and dozens of families are forever changed because of a 45 second act of selfishness.

It seems like once a month, someone, somewhere is opening fire on innocents.  Because this shooting was located in Colorado, it rips the scab off the Columbine wound we are still recovering from.  Obviously, everyone with a soul is heartbroken about the loss of life.  Everyone is outraged at the shooter and looking for swift justice to occur.  And as the media pundits over analyze every aspect of this tragedy, the blame game is about to begin.

  • The anti-gun people will blame the gun for this shooting.
  • Someone will blame the store that sold the killer the weapons.  (By the way, he was a legal gun owner)
  • The pro-gun people will use this to promote our Second amendment rights and that everyone should carry a weapon.
  • Anti-gamers will talk about how video game violence is the root cause of this evil.
  • Someone will blame his parents for raising a killer.
  • I’m sure it will come out that the killer was bullied in 3rd grade and a new law will come out banning 3rd grade bullying.
  • Someone will use this tragedy to say how we need to install metal detectors in movie theatres.
  • Others will say we will need to implement security checks (similar to what occurs at our airports) before entering such public places.
  • Others will say that it is Hollywood’s fault because our movies are too violent.
  • Some will say we need more police protection in public places.

There is no shortage of people we can blame.

While some (or all) of those points may be valid, it still ignores the deeper issue of why the Dark Knight rises as often as he does.

The problem is not guns or the lack of them.  The problem is not the lack of police or the lack of metal detectors in public places.  The real problem cannot be pinned on Hollywood or Xbox or our government school system.  The real problem is a lot closer to home.  The real problem is not what lies without – but rather what lies within.

The story is told of a newspaper who posed a question to its readers.  The question was simply, “What is wrong with this world?”  One reader, a well-known English writer, submitted his succinct, honest answer:

“Dear Sirs:

I am.

Sincerely Yours, G. K. Chesterton”

It is easy to blame “the system” for such failures.   It is easier to put the focus on someone or something else for our national problems.  It’s easier to create a new law than it is to address a human heart.   And that is why the problem will never be fixed.  That is why these shootings will continue to occur.  That is why our media experts and articulate politicians will continue to suggest ineffective solutions.  A new law cannot change the heart.  It merely shows us how wrong the heart really is.  A metal detector cannot detect evil intentions.  A strip search cannot find malice in your pocket.

Almost 2,700 years ago, the Prophet Jeremiah penned the following words about the human heart.  Apparently, in almost three millenia, our condition has not changed.

“The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately sick; who can understand it?” (Jeremiah 17:9)

Though we are the most modern, sophisticated, technologically advanced country in the history of the world, our problem still lies in our chest. We cannot create an app to fix it.

We like to villanize those that fall and create a safe moral distance between them and us.  But is there really a great chasm between us?  How many married men read about the latest celebrities indiscretions with disgust while they flirt with the office secretary?  How many divorced women took their ex-husband to the cleaner in the divorce because of his pornography addiction but justifies her recent viewing of “Magic Mike”?   We would press charges against the thief who robbed our home but do not see a connection between the time we steal at the office.   It’s easy to throw the book at people like Jerry Sandusky or Bernie Madoff.  The truth is, the only difference between “them” and you and me are a few bars and a lot of grace.  As G.K. Chesterton once wrote, “There is but an inch of difference between the cushioned chamber and the padded cell.”

King David was a mass murderer and adulterer.  His sins are infamous and horrific.  No one knew his depravity more than he did.  And from that knowledge he penned the following Psalm,

“Be gracious to me, O God, according to your lovingkindness; according to the greatness of Your compassion blot out my transgressions.  Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity and cleanse me from my sin.  Purify me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow.  Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me.” (51:1-2, 7, 10)

The truth is, the Dark Knight lives within us all.  We all have the capacity for great evil, and absent the grace of God we are all capable of the unimaginable.

We should certainly pray for the victims of this latest tragedy and do whatever we can (financially, emotionally) to help their families rebuild.

We should also pray for the 24-year-old man.  He’s obviously very troubled and will very likely wake up one day in prison gripped with the reality of what he alone has done.

Pray for your own heart as well and spend some time today thinking about the hypocritical rooms in it.  Chances are, the Dark Knight is alive and well in there.  He just hasn’t risen yet.  And by the grace of God, he won’t.