Author: rodarters

The corrective brace of parenting

rodarters

(This article was orginally published in 2007 when my youngest son was about 2 years old.)

As I sit here and write – my son screams in the other room.   The kind of scream that every parent hates to hear.  The kind of scream that makes a Mom leap a couch and a Dad run through a door.  The scream that says “I’m in pain – help me”!!   And yet I sit.   What would make a parent sit back and let the screams continue?   What kind of parent would allow such pain to enter their precious child’s life and not do something about it?   Either an evil parent or a parent who has been informed about the purpose of the pain.   An unloving parent or a parent who understands the horrifying consequences if this particular pain is avoided.

My son was recently diagnosed with Metatarsus Adductus caused by Tibial Torsion, a congenital defect of his legs that causes his feet to twist inward – pigeon towed, if you will.  Though thousands have this – his is a bit acute and if it goes untreated, he will end up with a permanent, awkward gait.  To avoid this consequence, he must wear a corrective brace at night on each leg.   If he wears it faithfully at night, every night, for six to nine months – it greatly improves the probability of correcting the defect.  The heart breaking scream is caused by the pain brought on by the brace.

What’s particularly difficult is that when I look at my son, I do not automatically notice his defect.  I see a cute little guy, full of life, unstopped by a pesty little diagnosis about his chubby little legs.   Because of this bias, I am sometimes tempted to forget the brace “just this one night.”    After all, the brace is so rigid, so firm, so legalistic – in the truest sense of the word.  In fact, if you ask him, he would tell you in his eloquent baby language that he’s just fine.  No brace required – especially not tonight.

There are a number of braces to choose from, just like with parenting.

I can’t help but think of the correlation between his corrective brace and the corrective brace of discipline all parents are called to place on their children.   Sadly, few strap on the brace.  On one level, I understand why.  It is much easier not to.  Who wants to be unpopular with their children?   Who wants to be misunderstood as to why you are doing it?   Who wants to listen to their children scream (or complain, whine, cry, etc)?    There is something deep within us that makes us extra sympathetic to that little cry – even if the little crier is sixteen and shaving.  And yet – the brace is necessary because the defect exists.   Without the defect, the brace is cruel.  But because of the defect, the brace is the most loving thing you can do in spite of the tears.

The Bible affirms this truth repeatedly throughout Scripture.  (Parenthesis mine)

  • “Foolishness (defect) is bound up in the heart of a child but the rod of discipline (brace) removes it far from him.” – Proverbs 22:15
  • “He who spares the rod (brace) hates his son, but he who loves him is careful to discipline (brace) him.” – Proverbs 13:24
  • “Do not withhold discipline (brace) from a child; if you punish him with the rod (apply the brace), he will not die.” – Proverbs 23:13
  • “Bring your children up in the discipline (brace #1) and instruction (brace #2) of the Lord.” – Ephesians 6:4

So, parent – what kind of brace does your child need?   Some younger ones may need the brace of spankings.  Others need the brace of restriction or the loss of privileges. Maybe yours needs the brace of correction and instruction.   Regardless of the type of brace, the real question is, are you willing to place it on them?   Are you willing to place it on night after night, consistently, until the defect is “fixed”?   God has given parents a relatively short window in which the brace is most effective.  If we wait too long, its influence will be diminished.   If we apply it inconsistently, it will take twice as long and not guarantee a proper healing.   Your child could end up with a deformed spiritual gait. Or a criminal record.

As for my son, if the brace does not fix his defect, surgery will.   They will break his legs and re-set them as they should be.   The thought of surgery does not sit well with me, particularly if it is a result of my unwillingness to do my job now.

If you do not brace your children, God can certainly still cure them with a bit of Divine surgery.   Just a word about surgery with God though.  It’s always open heart and never with anesthesia.   Kinda makes the brace a bit more attractive, no?

*************** MEDICAL UPDATE *****************

The brace was applied on my son’s legs every night for about four months and as a result of that consistent application, his legs were healed several months ahead of schedule.  Today, he runs and jumps and moves around normally – you cannot tell he ever wore a brace.

Though the brace was difficult to place on him night after night, the right decision was made – even if it was unpopular.  And because of that, he avoided a painful surgery.  I think he’s glad he wore the brace.  Yours will be too… eventually.

Stop complaining!

rodarters

It seems like everywhere I go, people are complaining about something.

The line at the grocery store is too long.  The price of gasoline is too high.  The customer service at the restaurant is not existent.  The weather is too hot.  The government is too big.  The ex husband is too… himself.  The girlfriend is moody.  The kids are ungrateful.  The mother-in-law is too nosey.  The favorite sports team stinks.  This list is too long, etc.

What is remarkable to me is not the fodder available to create a complaint.  As long as you are breathing there will be something to complain about.  I’m more impressed with the speed at which the complaint travels.  Car commercials often brag about how fast a car can get to 60 mph from a dead start.  We seem to be able to go from “zero to complaint” in nano-seconds.

(By the way – this blog is not complaining about the complainers)

But that does bring up a good point.  What makes a true statement a true statement and what turns it into a complaint?  By saying, “I’m not complaining” does that actually make it a non-complaint?   (See above parenthesis.  Through subtle repetition I will make you believe I’m not actually complaining.)

At the time of this writing, it is over 100 degrees outside.  By anyone’s standards it is a hot day.  It’s so hot that it’s hard to not talk about.  The weather is always a favorite topic among strangers, especially when the weather is extreme.  But if I say to Mr. Stranger, “It is really hot outside“, am I complaining or merely sharing a fact?  Is it the actual words that make it a complaint or the tone of the sentence or the attitude of my heart?  I think we would have to agree that all three play a critical role in determining whether the sentence crosses the line into complaint.

I think it comes down to this – you know in your heart whether you are sharing a fact or voicing a complaint.  And like it or not – your listeners know it too.  We all recognize a complaint when we hear it.  We can all point out a complainer in a line up.  A general rule of thumb could be this: Say it once, it’s an observation.  Say it more than once: it’s a complaint.

It turns out that complaining has been around for thousands of years – even back as early as the Garden of Eden.  By the second recorded sentence of mankind, Adam complains that the reason he ate the forbidden fruit was because the woman (who God gave him) made him do it!   Centuries later, we find the Israelites wandering the desert of Sinai.  At this point in their national existence they have personally witnessed God deliver them from Pharaoh’s army in spectacular fashion by literally parting the red sea as their escape (Exodus 14).  They have watched God turn dew into bread (called manna) morning after morning – exactly what they needed for that day (Exodus 16).  Every evening “quails came up and covered the camp” (Exodus 16:13) to feed them.  They even had their thirst quenched (in the desert of all places!) as God provided water from a rock, at Moses’ command (Exodus 17).  And if that wasn’t enough – they watched the Israelite army defeat the powerful enemy Amalekites simply because Moses held his arms up in the air (Exodus 17).   In spite of all of these miracles and providences, God’s people constantly complained until God finally decided to teach His ungrateful children a painful lesson.  Apparently God’s remedy for complaining is poisonous snakes.  (Numbers 20 & 21 tell the whole story)

Allow me to share seven reasons why you should seriously stop complaining.  If you are a chronic complainer, pay attention:

  1. No one wants to hear it.  Do you enjoy listening to other people complain?  Then why would you think someone wants to listen to you.   Most people have enough negative drama in their life.  They don’t need your help to add to the pile.
  2. It reveals an ungrateful heart.   Grateful people don’t complain.  They don’t have time.  They are much too busy thanking someone for their blessings.  A busy businessman might complain about a long-line at the grocery store.  A homeless man is grateful he has bread for today.  An American woman might complain she has “nothing to wear” while the woman in Ethiopia is grateful she has clothes on her back.  There is a popular Indian proverb that reads, “I cried when I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.”  Put your grievance into perspective.  There is always someone worse off than you.
  3. It does not solve problems.   Rarely does complaining solve the problem being complained about.  Yes, the line at the bank is long.  But talking about how annoying it is does not make the line move any quicker.   Engaging in positive conversation does not make the line move any quicker either but it does seem to make the time go by faster.  And who knows, you may make a new friend in the process.  I’m always open to making a new, grateful friend.
  4. It’s the hobby of the immature.  Toddlers complain.  Children complain. Teenagers complain.   The mature quietly endure the trial.  Grow up.  Act like an adult.  Otherwise, hold your breath and stomp your feet.  Because complaining looks just as ridiculous coming out of an adult mouth.
  5. It sets a bad example.  Whether we realize it or not, our children learn from our example.  If you find yourself raising a houseful of complainers, you may need to take an inventory of your speech.  Whether you like it or not, your behavior can even influence strangers.  Complaining never occurs alone as all complainers need a complainee to listen to them.
  6. It angers God.  As the Great Provider, He does not like it when people are ungrateful.  You don’t either.  I get annoyed when the car in front of me does not acknowledge the fact that I let him in my lane.  I can’t imagine how frustrating it would be to provide sunshine for an entire planet and be ignored in the process.  The truth is – God graciously gives to all and relatively few acknowledge His presence.  Many even deny His existence with the air He put in their lungs.
  7. The issue you are complaining about may be put there by God on purpose for a reason.  Perhaps you need to learn some patience and so the long line is His gift to help you gain some.  Perhaps you need to learn how to love and so the annoying co-worker is placed on your “team” to give you more practice.   Maybe He wants you to work on your forgiving spirit and so He is putting you in a position to forgive others – more often than you desire.    Whatever it is – don’t go assuming that the point of complaint is all about you.  He could be putting you in a difficult position today so you can show someone else tomorrow how to get through the same thing.

I have spent over three months of my life serving people in third world countries.  I have been in the remote jungles of Ecuador.  I have been in the poorest villages of the Dominican Republic.  I have seen unmatched poverty on the streets of Guatemala.  Even in some of our American cities, I have worked with people who literally had nothing.  I found them to be extremely happy and sincerely grateful – with nothing.   In the Dominican Republic, one woman was so honored that I entered her home that she literally pulled off a prized piece of artwork from her wall to give it to me.  No American has ever offered me something off of their wall.  The artwork looked like something you would find at a rejected yard sale.  Her home was a hut and would have been unworthy to store my lawnmower.   That is where she lays down, night after night.  She couldn’t have been happier.  I cried as I realized she had something I didn’t back then – a grateful heart.

Next time you want to complain about anything – think about that.  She can teach us all a lesson on how to be grateful.

(This blog was not a complaint.  I am Rod Arters and I approve this message.)

The harsh reality of freedom

rodarters

I was recently invited to a pool party in which the invitation made it clear that there would be free food and drinks.  I attended and it was true – everything there was free to me.  When I left, I remember thinking three things:

  1. That was a lot of fun.
  2. The host was very generous to open up her beautiful home on the lake.
  3. Though free to me, all the food and drink cost someone something.

We love to use the word “free” in our country.  The problem with the word is that it is not entirely accurate.   It’s somewhat deceiving as whatever we are enjoying for free actually cost someone something.

Our constitution promises each citizen the following five basic freedoms:

  1. Freedom of speech.  The First Amendment keeps the American government from making laws that might stop us from expressing rational opinions.  We still have the right to criticize the government and to share their opinions with others.
  2. Freedom of religion.  Citizens have the freedom to attend the church, synagogue, temple or mosque of their choice – or not attend at all.  The First Amendment allows us to practice our religion the way we want to.
  3. Freedom of Press.  A free press means we can get information from many different sources. The government cannot control what is printed in newspapers, magazines and books, broadcast on TV or radio or offered online.
  4. Freedom of Assembly.  Citizens can come together in public and private gatherings. They can join groups for political, religious, social or recreational purposes.
  5. Freedom of Petition.  “To petition the government for a redress of grievances” means that citizens can ask for changes in the government. They can do this by collecting signatures and sending them to their elected representatives; they can write, call or e-mail their elected representatives; they can support groups that lobby the government.

Beyond that, there are many other freedoms that we, as Americans, enjoy.  Some of my personal favorites are: free wi-fi, free refills, and buy one – get one free deals.

Today, we celebrate July 4th – Independence Day – the day our nation became “free” from the Tyranny of Great Britain.  As a result, we are able to experience many freedoms that most countries only dream of.  But today should be more than just celebrating our freedoms.  It is also a day we should contemplate the cost of that freedom.  The harsh reality is that freedom is not really free.  Someone sacrificed to give us the right to say what we want to say.  Many have died to give us the freedom to worship how we desire.   Countless individuals gave up their freedom in order for us to maintain ours.

Like Zac Brown reminds us in his song, “Chicken Fried”,

“I thank God for my life and for the stars and stripes.  May freedom forever fly.  Let it ring.  Salute the ones who died. The ones that give their lives so we don’t have to sacrifice all the things we love… like our chicken fried, and cold beer on a Friday night, a pair of jeans that fit just right and the radio up.”

When you see our American flag waving today, remember the cost that was paid so you have the freedom to salute it.

When you hear the “Star Spangled Banner” being played, remember the price that was paid so you could sing it on American soil, the land of the free and the home of the brave.

The next time you see an American solider, stop and thank them for their sacrifice.  Literally stop and thank them.  They willingly give up their freedoms so you can keep enjoying yours.

And the next time you gaze at a cross, remember what you are looking at.  In the first century, it was known as a capital punishment instrument.   It is our modern-day electric chair.  But to many of us – that cross is the ultimate symbol of freedom.

Freedom always has an expensive price tag and one that is only fully paid with a bloody sacrifice.  THAT is the harsh reality of freedom.  And for that, I am eternally grateful – for soldiers and Savior alike.

Friends and enemies

rodarters

What makes a friend a friend?  What makes an enemy an enemy?   What if your friend turned out to be your enemy?   What if your enemy turned out to be your friend?   Would you look at friendships differently?  If you were honest, I’m sure you would.  Would it make you wonder if all future enemies were perhaps not as bad as you originally judged?  Perhaps they are just delayed friendships?

If I asked you to name your closest friends, you would have no problem producing a list of names.  But is that list accurate?  Are they really your closest friends?  Why do you think they are?  Your answer would have to be connected to what you think makes a friend a friend.  Is a friend someone who likes you?  Someone who makes you laugh?  Someone who agrees with you?  Someone who says what you want to hear?   Isn’t that generally who we surround ourselves with?

If I asked you to name your enemies, hopefully that list would be a lot shorter.   I’m sure you would have no problem producing that list either.  We tend to know who is not a fan of ours.  But is that list accurate?  Are they really your enemy?   Why do you think they are?  Your answer would have to be connected to what you think makes an enemy an enemy.  Is an enemy someone who does not like you?  Someone who makes you angry?  Someone who disagrees with you?  Someone who says what you do not want to hear?   Isn’t that generally who we despise?

If I asked you to name Jesus’ closest friends, the disciples would be an obvious correct answer.  If you were biblically literate, you would specifically mention John or Peter as those two are found in His inner circle repeatedly throughout the gospels.  Extra points for knowing this!

If I asked you to name Jesus’ enemies, even if you were biblically illiterate you would obviously mention the devil and Judas, infamous for betraying Christ unto death.

But are your answers actually correct?   Was Peter really Jesus’ best friend?  Was Judas really His worst enemy?   It is easy to think so based on our elementary standard of what it means to be a friend or what it takes to be an enemy.  But would you believe that Jesus actually considered Peter (briefly) to be His enemy and even referred to Judas as His friend, even while  Judas was in the act of betraying Him? Either Jesus has no idea what a true friendship is, or our definition needs some work.

Peter had left everything to follow Jesus.  Literally everything.  For three entire years He had followed Jesus all over Jerusalem.  When they needed to cross the Sea of Galilee, they used Peter’s boat.  In those three years, Peter had spent many a night in prison as a result of his friendship with Jesus.  When Jesus predicted that someone would betray Him, Peter was the first person to stand up and publicly declare it would not be him.  When Jesus went to officially institute the Catholic (universal) Church, it was Peter to whom He turned and made it’s first Pope.  When Jesus was actually being arrested, Peter was the only one who drew his sword in an attempt to defend his friend.  If you had to guess, Peter would be an obvious nominee for Jesus’  “Friend of the year” Dundee award.  And yet, we find in this passage – Jesus’ assessment was quite different:

“From that time on Jesus began to explain to his disciples that he must go to Jerusalem  and suffer many things  at the hands of the elders, the chief priests and the teachers of the law,  and that he must be killed  and on the third day  be raised to life.  Peter took him aside and began to rebuke him. “Never, Lord!” he said. “This shall never happen to you!”  Jesus turned and said to Peter, “Get behind me, Satan!  You are a stumbling block to me; you do not have in mind the concerns of God, but merely human concerns.” – Matthew 16:21-23

Three years of service and he calls his “friend” Satan and tells him to get lost.  Apparently Jesus needs some help in the Public Relations department.  This is NOT how most future kings are supposed to handle your supporters.

Judas, like Peter, was hand picked to be one of Jesus’ disciples.  Nine times in the Gospels  Judas is known and listed as “one of the twelve”.   In fact, so trusted was Judas in the inner circle that we are told he was the one who “had the money box”. (John 12:6)  In other words, He was Jesus’ accountant.  If there was to be a betrayal, no one would have suspected Judas.  Other than Jesus, who knew from the beginning, Judas would not have been on anyone’s betrayal radar.  That is the problem with betrayal though, it seems to always be the person you least expect.  Notice how Jesus treats the one who would be responsible for not only His arrest, but ultimately His death:

“While he was still speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, arrived. With him was a large crowd armed with swords and clubs, sent from the chief priests and the elders of the people. Now the betrayer had arranged a signal with them: “The one I kiss is the man; arrest him.” Going at once to Jesus, Judas said, “Greetings, Rabbi!” and kissed him.  Jesus replied, “Do what you came for, friend.” Then the men stepped forward, seized Jesus and arrested him.” – Matthew 26:47-50

Though He could have, Jesus did not stop the armed posse coming to arrest Him.  Though He could have, Jesus did not deny who He was.  Though He could have, Jesus could have given a few choice words to his soon-to-be-fired accountant.  He did not even stop Judas’ affectionate greeting – one that would eventually be known as “the kiss of death.”  In fact, in the midst of the worst betrayal known to man, Jesus actually calls him “Friend.”   Wow!

What makes a friend a friend?  What makes an enemy an enemy?   Is your standard of friendship the same as Christ’s?   For Him, His friends were those who helped Him accomplish what God put Him on earth to do.  His enemies were those who tried to stop Him from doing God’s will.   Who are your friends?  Do they encourage you in your relationship with God?  Do they challenge you to know Him better and love Him more?   Who are your enemies?  Do you need to reevaluate that list?

I’m grateful that I have some really good friends in my life – friends that ask me the hard questions.  Friends that question my motives.  Friends that call me out on certain behaviors.  Friends that hold me accountable for my lifestyle.  Friends that want to know how I am truly living – even when they aren’t there to see it.  Friends that do not care if I like them or not.  Friends that are willing to sacrifice the friendship for the sake of what is right.   Man, I hate the occasional interrogations I receive from these friends.  Some days they feel more like my enemies.  And then I realize that their kiss of death is exactly what I need.

As Oscar Wilde has noted, “True friends stab you in the front.”

How to climb a mountain

rodarters
Me at the top of one of the mountains (aka fells) in the Lake District of England.

I have climbed several mountains in my life.  Some of them were physical like Mount Katahdin in Maine or the Skiddaw fell in Keswick, England.  Other “mountains” I’ve climbed were more emotional or mental – but enormous just the same.  Both types were very real to me, the climber.   I have found that I enjoy climbing the mountains I choose to climb.  Ironically, those types are always physical.  The mountains I do not wish to climb have all been emotional or mental and I tend to procrastinate on every step.

I have come to learn that often times the physical things in this life point to deeper spiritual truths – if you have the eyes to see them.  I believe this is intentionally designed by God so we could better understand Him and His world.   He uses what we know to help us learn what we don’t.  He allows us to walk by sight before teaching us how to walk by faith.   He gives us a physical mountain to climb today so we can apply those principles to a coming emotional mountain tomorrow.   The size of the mountain is the most important thing to us.  The lessons we learn from the climb is what is most important to God.  We think about things like how long we will be on it.  His main concern is how well we learn the lessons.

As I have discovered first hand in my life, He has no shortage of mountains for me to climb.   Because of this, learning the lessons of the climb, suddenly, takes on a whole new importance to me.   Perhaps if I learn the lessons I’m supposed to on this mountain, the next mountain won’t feel so big or take so long.

Here is what I have learned (so far) in my vast experience as a seemingly perpetual “mountain” climber.  Maybe some of these truths will help you on your mountain, current or future.

  • Get started.   You can’t reach the summit until you have left the camp.  The camp is comfortable and easy.  The path to the summit is painful and difficult.  No one ever climbed a mountain sitting at base camp.   No one ever did anything significant from base camp.  It’s where we all begin but it’s not where we are supposed to stay.
This quote was hanging on the wall of the cafe I owned in Charlotte. It reminded me of the importance of getting started. (Visit “Quips Cafe Charlotte” on Facebook for more information.)
  • Mountain climbing is hard.   This seems elementary to mention but it is critical to remember.  It’s supposed to be hard.   It is supposed to take time.  You are supposed to sweat.   Know why?  BECAUSE IT IS A MOUNTAIN.  You will have to manage your pain and persevere through every step.  Understand that and expect a challenge.
  • Don’t let the size of the mountain overwhelm you.   When you are at base camp, looking at the summit can be daunting.  It seems so far away that you may begin to think you’ll never get there.  Its height can be so intimidating that you may wonder if you’ll ever make it to the top.  You must change your focus.  Instead of looking at the summit, set a closer more reasonable goal to reach first.   Divide the mountain into smaller sections and concentrate on the next section now.  On some of my emotional mountains, the summit seemed impossible to reach.  I had to walk “day by day” for months until the mountain became more managable to navigate.
  • Others have climbed this same mountain.   You have to remind yourself of this.  There is no physical mountain that has been left unclimbed.  And if someone else has made the ascent, so can you.   For the same reason, emotional mountains can be conquered too.   Whether your emotional mountain is recovering from a broken relationship, losing weight, getting out of debt, dealing with an addiction or struggling with the never ending mountain of finding a job – you can make the climb.  It might be trying to forgive someone who hurt you or harder yet, forgetting what they have done.  Maybe your mountain is trying to forgive yourself.  It won’t be easy – but climbing mountains never is.  You are not alone.  Take comfort in this fact with every step.
  • If possible, climb with a friend.  Mountain climbing is hard enough alone, if you can, have someone join you.  The advantages are many and barely need to be mentioned.  Having someone with you provides the following benefits: encouragement, companionship, motivation, accountability, assistance & memories – to name a few.   When you want to give up, your climbing friend can help you keep going.  When you are discouraged, a partner can encourage you to keep hiking.  When your backpack is too heavy to carry, your fellow sherpa can lighten your load for a season.   I guarantee there are many others on your same mountain right now.  Look around – find them and join them in their hike.
  • Embrace the mountain.   This may sound slightly sadistic but there is something magical that occurs when you embrace the mountain.   The only way you can overcome a fear of heights is to get on a ladder.  The only way to overcome a fear of snakes is to handle one.  Instead of avoiding or dreading your mountain, embrace it.  With mountain climbing, there is a strange comfort when you learn to take time to “smell the roses” on the trail.  Though the climb is difficult, there are still many blessings along the way.  They are, however, easy to miss if you’re not paying attention or too focused on the clouds to see the sun.   The easiest way to miss some of those blessings is to complain about your climb.  Remember, even when it’s raining the sun still shines.
  • The summit is worth the climb.   Ask any mountaineer who has reached the top.  In every mountain I have ever climbed, my body hurt like never before.  I was tired on every level.   And when I finally saw the view from the top – I immediately appreciated the cost of the climb.  It was TOTALLY worth it.  Ask any mother if the nine months of struggle was worth the experience of holding their precious child in their arms.   Ask Lebron James if his eight year climb to the top of his mountain was worth the blood, sweat and tears to reach the summit of World Championship.   If anything, the harder the climb the sweeter the view from the top.

Maybe your emotional mountain exists because you made some poor choices in your past.  Maybe your mountain was given to you because of someone else’s poor choices.  Perhaps it is no one’s fault and it’s just something you have to climb.

Get started.  Recognize it will be hard.  Don’t let the size of the mountain overwhelm you.  Remember, others have climbed it before you.  If you can, find someone to climb with.   While you are climbing, embrace the mountain.   The summit will be worth it, I promise.

The following verses in the book of Psalms helped me immensely as I have climbed (and continue to climb) my various mountains.   Perhaps they will encourage you as well on your journey.

“In God’s hands are the depths of the earth, the peaks of the mountains are His also.” – Psalm 95:4

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains.  Where does my help come from? My help comes from the Lord, the Maker of heaven  and earth. He will not let your foot slip — he who watches over you will not slumber; indeed, he who watches over Israel will neither slumber nor sleep.  The Lord watches over you — the Lord is your shade at your right hand; the sun will not harm you by day, nor the moon by night.  The Lord will keep you from all harm — he will watch over your life; the Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.” – Psalm 121

Happy Birthday to you!

rodarters

BIRTHDAY CARD DISCLAIMER:

Once a year, people feel compelled to congratulate you on reaching your birthday milestone.   Normally they share their well wishes via phone calls, emails, text messages, handwritten notes, flowers, chocolates, balloons, singing telegrams, etc.  

I, on the other hand, decided to write you a “Happy Birthday” blog.  This particular blog entry is dedicated to any friend of mine who will be celebrating a birthday sometime in the next year.  If today is not your birthday, then be patient.  Eventually, this blog will be relevant to you. 

Sure, I could have sojourned to the local CVS or supermarket and spent hours perusing overpriced, over-sentimental cards.  Then I could’ve signed my name to someone else’s idea of humor or sympathy (depending on your age).  But are you really deserving of such a card?  I mean, all you have done (since my last congratulations) is survived for another 365 days.  How hard is that?  Also, if I did the traditional card option, then I would need your address.  And a stamp.  And a pen.  Would you even appreciate the gas money I invested to and from the store?  Besides, who really wants to walk ALL THE WAY to the mailbox to retrieve a card that points out the glaring fact that you are OLD?  Basically, I am saving you time and what better gift is there than the gift of time?  I’m thoughtful like that. 

“HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU” FUN FACTS:

  • According to wikipedia.org, the melody of “Happy Birthday to You” comes from the song “Good Morning to All”, which was written and composed by siblings Patty & Mildred Hill in 1893.  The sisters created “Good Morning to All” as a song that would be easy to be sung by young children.
  • The 1998 Guinness Book of World Records reveals that the song “Happy Birthday to you” is the most recognized song in the English Language.
  • The song’s base lyrics have been translated into 18 languages.
  • Unauthorized public performances of the song are technically illegal unless royalties are paid to it.  This is why most restaurants (or other public party venues) have their own annoying original Birthday song or cheer in honor of the birthday celebrant.

GENERIC BIRTHDAY FUN FACTS:

  • February is the least common birth month.
  • August is the most common birth month.
  • October 5th is the most common birth date (Interestingly, it is exactly 9 months after New Year’s Eve.  Badda bing.)
  • May 22nd is the least common birth date (besides Leap Year – February 29th.)
  • Birthdays were usually only celebrated by nobility (which may be why we like to put a Birthday Crown on the birthday person) until the Germans began the practice of celebrating children’s birthdays called “kinderfeste” and bake a special sweet cake.

  • The picture above is of Tu Youyou, the first woman to win a Nobel Prize in medicine.  Also known as the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday too.   Try it, just for fun.  🙂
  • $27.2 Million – Most money spent on a birthday party.  This extravagant party was for the Sultan of Brunei’s 50th Birthday in 1996.  My 45th birthday celebration was a close second.

Speaking of expensive parties, did you know that there are two birthdays celebrated in the Bible?  Some interesting things happened at both….

Birthday #1: Pharaoh’s Birthday Party (Genesis 40):

At the first birthday party we find Joseph locked behind bars interpreting dreams for two men who used to serve in the King of Eygpt’s court.  One man was Pharaoh’s cupbearer.  The other was his baker.   Joseph correctly predicted that both men would have their “heads lifted up” by Pharaoh.   The cup-bearer’s head was lifted up and he was restored to his original office.  The baker’s head was also “lifted up” and placed in a noose and hung.  Nice party.  Try the veal.

Birthday #2: King Herod’s Birthday Party (Matthew 14):

At the second party we find John the Baptist bound and imprisoned at the request of Herodias, King Herod’s sister in law.  During the party, Herodias’ daughter was dancing (think dirty, not square) before the king.  The dance pleased King Herod so much that he promised (with an oath) to give the girl whatever she asked.  Having been prompted by her mother, she asked for the head of John the Baptist on a platter.  Odd request.  Most girls her age ask for earrings.  Sadly, she got her wish.

There are a couple of lessons for you here. 

On your special day…

  1. Avoid prison.
  2. Keep your dreams to yourself.
  3. Don’t party with kings.
  4. No dancing.

Blessings on your special day!

Cursing at the customer service people

rodarters

Back in the day I used to do a lot of speaking for various groups.  Some of it was motivational and inspirational.  Some of it was Bible teaching for teenagers and college students.  Occasionally I was asked to lead a seminar, speak at a conference or even do a school assembly.   One church even asked me to deliver a Sunday sermon.   I don’t remember what the sermon was on.   I do remember the response from the congregation – graciously positive.   What a relief.  I really hate speaking in the midst of flying tomatoes!   Afterward, I went home and went on with my day.

The following day was, as you might expect, a Monday.   When I took a moment to check the weekend mail, I discovered that my local utility company had overcharged me AGAIN for the second month in a row.   The hassle to get my money back after the first overcharge was nothing short of infuriating.   Now they are doing it again?  I immediately called the 800 number and navigated through a seemingly endless number of prompts.

  • Press 1, for English.
  • Press 1 if you are a current customer.
  • Press 2 if you know your account number.
  • Press 5 if you know any numbers.
  • Press 7 if you know the square root of Pi.
  • Press 4 if you want a pie.
  • Press 8 if you are tired of pressing buttons.
  • Press 9 if we are wearing you down.
  • Press 6 if you are about to commit a felony.
  • Press 8 if you are voting for Dancing with the Stars.
  • Press 3 if you still remember why you are calling.

UGH!   After what seemed to be 90 minutes, I finally got past that non-sense and was able to speak to an actual human being.   In that moment, a flood of emotions were upon me.  I was glad to be out of the purgatory of prompts.  I was furious I was having this conversation again.  I realized that this customer service woman is not the cause of my problem.  I also realized that she worked for the evil organization and needed to hear my frustration.  I wanted to yell and curse and scream, which is unlike me.

But my conscience and character were telling me to be patient and gracious and kind in my speech.   In that split second, I had to decide what voice was going to win.  I honestly did not know.  There were two beings on each shoulder, the devil and the angel, and they were battling over my mind and tongue.  Against my true desires, the angel spoke softly to the woman and explained my repeated frustration with her company and their costly mistake.

Customer service people are trained to handle idiots like me.  This lady was great.  She was helpful.  She was understanding and patient.  She spoke in a very disarming and soothing manner.  Within about ten minutes, my problem was solved and the money issue was fixed.   I could feel the blood leaving my head and watching the hulk-like figure lose it’s shade of green.   What she said to me next sent chills down my spine…

  • Customer service lady: “Mr. Arters, is there anything else I can do for you?”
  • Me: “No, Ma’am.  You have been very helpful.  Thank you so much.”
  • Customer service lady: “You are very welcome.  Before you go, I need to tell you something.”
  • Me: “What’s that?”
  • Customer service lady: “I just wanted you to know that the sermon you gave yesterday at church was very powerful and it really impacted me.  I was glad that I had visited your church.”
  • Me: (long silence)  “You were there?”
  • Customer service lady: “Yes, when I saw your name on the account I realized it was the same name on my church bulletin.  At any rate, I just wanted to say thank you.”
  • Me: (long silence)  “Um, you are welcome.  Thank you!”

I hung up and honestly wanted to cry.   How close did I come to discrediting my sermon?  I was about three seconds away from steamrolling a visitor at my church, without even knowing it.   In this case, my lips and my life matched.  Fortunately for me, what she saw in the pulpit and what she heard on the phone were the same.  The truth is, my heart was far from speaking kindly that day.  There was rage in my heart and only because I was raised right and living in the South, did I realize that such behavior never solves problems.

There have been plenty of times that my life has not matched my lips.  I’m working on that.  I have to constantly remind myself that I am always being watched – even when I am alone.  The customer service reps on the phone and the people behind the ticket counter at the airport, they both have ears.   The grocery bagger and the guy who works at the gas station, they both have eyes.  They watch and hear what we say, what we do, how we treat them.  And they know more about you then you think.

It has been said that “character is who you are when no one is watching.”     So, who are you?

It’s easy to look good on a platform or behind a pulpit or in a pew.  Anyone can pad a resume, impress on an interview or dazzle on a first date.  But how do you behave when you think no one is looking?  How do you speak when you think no one is really listening?   What does your web history reveal about your free time surfing?

Remember, we all live before an Audience of One.

“The eyes of the Lord are in every place, watching the evil and the good.” – Proverbs 15:3

If the Apostle Paul had Facebook

rodarters

I am seeing a disturbing trend on Facebook and I don’t like it.  I recognize immediately that my opinion may not be a popular one, particularly with those who practice this trend – but in the land of free speech, my opinion still counts… and I think it’s still right.

What am I talking about?   The public shredding of ex girlfriends, ex-husbands, ex-employers and ex-friends on your Facebook wall.  In short, it works like this.  Someone wrongs you/crosses you/offends you/hurts you/disrespects you/steals from you/cheats on you/slanders you/gossips about you/or cuts you off in traffic and you, in turn, tell every friend of yours all about it.  In detail.  On your Facebook wall.

While it is true that you can virtually write whatever you want on your Facebook wall, it does not mean you should.   Granted, you may have been terribly wronged.  You may be justifiably angry.  You may have every right to be hurt, or upset or even furious.  Yes, lovers have been known to cheat.  Yes, ex-spouses can make life difficult.  Yes, employers can be jerks from time to time.  Yes, we all have friends that have made us angry or done things that hurt us.  But that does not mean you should broadcast their evils on your FB wall for all the world to see.  As it has been said, “two wrongs don’t make a right.”

Allow me to share six reasons why you should keep your thoughts to yourself:

  1. Your rant is permanent.  Whether it’s a website entry or a Facebook wall – it’s there for good.  You may not realize this, but once you put something on the web, it’s on there forever – even after you delete it.  Think I’m kidding?  This article proves it: http://www.zdnet.com/blog/igeneration/facebook-does-not-erase-user-deleted-content/4808   You need to really think twice about what you post, particularly if it is offensive or mean – even if it’s true.  Today’s party picture can cost you tomorrow’s job or promotion.  Your angry wall rant could actually cause more damage than the harm done to you.
  2. It lacks class.  Class-less people hang their dirty laundry for all to see.  Class-less people rant and rave about the wrongs done to them.  Class-less people hold on to past offenses and make their bitterness public.  Jerry Springer made a whole TV show out of these types of people.   You were wronged, we get that.  Now, go to counseling or write in your journal or tell a close friend about it.  There is no need to share it publicly as the rest of us don’t really want to hear it in that forum.
  3. You have no idea (literally) who can see what you write.   You may think that only your friends can see it.  But if your comment makes it to my news feed, now all my friends can see it.  And they can share it with their friends.  And their friends can share it with their friends.   Within a matter of minutes, your mud slinging can be across the globe in front of God knows who.  It’s bad enough that your drama is on my doorstep.  Do you really want it travelling to other countries too?
  4. It sets a bad example.   Others read your post.  Others deal with difficult people who hurt them.  Others struggle with how to handle their anger/frustration.  Others look up to you.   They may think it a good idea to follow your example and do the same thing.   If I wanted to listen to negative junk, I’d turn on an episode of Cops or Hoarders or The Real Housewives of Whocaresville.   Isn’t there enough negative in this world?   Share the good.  Post the positive.  Tell a funny.  Make me smile.  I already want to cry and scream enough in my day without your help.
  5. You are not perfect.  Do you remember the last time you wronged someone?  Probably not.  Have you ever said or done something that hurt another person?  Probably.  Would you want it broadcast on the world wide web for all to see?  NO!  You say that your level of wrong was less than the wrong done to you?  I say that’s a weak argument.  One of the first things we are all taught growing up is to “treat people the way you want to be treated” (Matthew 7:12).   True, you were not treated the way you wanted.  But “an eye for an eye makes the whole world go blind.” (Mahatma Ghandi)   Recognize that you have hurt others too and learn how to forgive.
  6. Most of the time when you post such things, the person you are talking about never sees it.   Mark Twain once said, “Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.”  Or as Buddha once said, “Holding on to anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned.”   That’s the way it is with anger.  The hatred in you only consumes you – it never reaches them.   If you need to get it out of your system, go to the gym.  Or punch your pillow.   Or wash my car.  Or yodel.   Whatever you do –  don’t poison my well or wall in the process.

One last thing…

The Apostle Paul did not have an easy life, particularly as a Christian.   In II Corinthians 11 he summarizes his drama:

“I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was pelted with stones, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea,  I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my fellow Jews, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false believers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. Who is weak, and I do not feel weak?  Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?”

Has your day, week or life been harder than that?  

Paul wrote the book of Philippians from a Roman jail cell.  While he was a prisoner in less than humane conditions, he posted the following to his Facebook wall:

“Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”  (4:8)

Who doesn’t benefit from that kind of status update?

Testing 1,2,3

rodarters

In every grade of every year at school, it is required that you take a test.   Sometimes the test covers the material you studied in class that month.  Sometimes the test is cumulative and covers the entire marking period.  You are tested in every class at every grade and each passed test is the prerequisite to take the next one.  There are no shortage of tests, and every one affects not only your grade in that class but your overall grade point average (G.P.A.) in school.  So important are these test results that a college or university can accept or deny your application based on how well you score.

Even well beyond the k-12 educational system, you continue to be tested.  To drive a car, you must pass a test.  To play a sport, you must pass a physical exam.  To become a doctor or nurse, you must pass the boards.  To become a lawyer, you must pass the Bar.  To sell real estate or insurance, you must pass a test to obtain your license.   Today, most jobs even require you to pass a drug test for employment.

Most tests have the following attributes in common:

  • You know it’s a test.   You may not have had any advanced notice it was coming, but you certainly know it’s a test while you are taking it.
  • They are designed to test your knowledge of the material, level of understanding or degree of skill.  (Except in the case of a drug test.  They just want to see if you smoke the wacky weed.)
  • The test is for the teacher’s benefit – to see what you know.
  • The test is designed to be hard.
  • Test results matter.  How you score is important to the test giver.
  • Your future is often determined by the result of the test.

Most of us hate taking tests and it is one of the reasons we are glad we are no longer in the classroom.  Since a test always reveals what you know or how you perform, they can be extremely validating or utterly humiliating and for many of us, we just don’t like the pressure.   We take them because we have to – not because we want to.  The good news is, the older we get the less tests we have to take.   At least, that’s what we think…

Did you know that God offers His own set of tests?   Life is God’s classroom and He offers a test every day with a keen eye on the results.  There are, however, a few differences between His tests (below) and the ones we normally take (above):

  1. You rarely know it’s a test from God when you are in the middle of it.  Too many of us realize it was a test long after we failed it.  To you it feels like a long line at Walmart.  He’s merely testing your patience.  To you it is just an annoying co-worker.  He’s just testing your ability to love difficult people.  To you it is just being over-worked and under-thanked.  God may be testing your servant’s heart.   If we knew it was a test, we would make sure we were “on.”  God doesn’t want us “on” for a test and off when it’s finished.   He wants us “on” Friday nights AND Monday afternoons – not just on Sunday morning.  He wants us “on” at work and at home and while you are grocery shopping – not just when the preacher is looking.  His tests are daily and subtle so that we can’t possibly study or cheat.  We are normally so caught off guard when He delivers His test that often we can’t even detect it’s happening.   Because of this, the test results are pure.
  2. His tests are not designed to test your knowledge.  God does not care about your degree of skill as much as He cares about your motives.  He doesn’t want to know how many Bible verses you know.  He wants to see how many you obey.  His tests focus on your character and integrity.  They often occur when you are alone.  Man tests the mind.  God tests your heart.
  3. His tests are not for His benefit, but for yours.  He already knows what’s in your heart. He already knows how you are going to respond.  He already has your test score completed – long before you even took the test.  His tests are perfectly suited to you.  The test is for you to guage where you are and what you need to do to improve.
  4. Like other tests, His are designed to be hard.  Anyone can pass an easy test.  Easy tests do not prove what you are made of.  God has no desire to develop soft students.  He wants to raise up men and women who can pass hard tests, like Job.
  5. Like other tests, the results matter to God.  He is extremely interested in whether you pass or fail.  Like it or not, He linked His name to your test result.  If you fail, His name gets the “F.”   Just as a child’s behavior reflects on the parent, so our test results reflect on Him.  When David committed adultery with Bathsheba, God was gracious to forgive but one of the consequences was the loss of his child.  The reason?  Because “by this deed you have given occasion to the enemies of the Lord to blaspheme.” (II Samuel 12).  In other words, David failed the test and God’s name was drug through the mud.  There is always a steep price for that level of failure.
  6. Like other tests, your future is often shaped by them.  Man’s tests are physical but God’s test are always spiritual.  Our tests can be passed by knowledge, intellect and studying.   God’s test can only be passed with things like prayer, faith, character, motives & integrity.  As a result, the stakes are higher.  If you fail a school test, you may fail the course or not graduate.  If you fail one of God’s tests, you could lose your job or family or reputation, or damage your character or worse.

I have failed too many tests in my day.   On one level, I do regret every “F” for who really likes to fail?  Some of my failures have really impacted other lives and that is hard to live with.  The truth is, there are more lessons in failures than success.  There are many days I wish I knew less.  On another level, though, I am grateful for my failures as they have taught me things that victory and success cannot.  I’d like to think I’ll never fail another test.  I have a feeling that’s not realistic.  My goal is to not make the same mistake twice.

testingPerhaps you have failed too many tests as well. Be encouraged for tomorrow is another exam.   Maybe you’ve even made the same mistake twice.   Or three times.  Regardless of how you did today, you can get a brand new grade tomorrow.  Recognize your failures.  Own them, and study where you went wrong.  Re-think how you would do the test differently, if given the opportunity.  Ask God for help.  Find someone to hold you accountable if you think you might fail again.    And be grateful for the lessons, no matter how big a price you paid for it.   God may use the lesson in your life to help others one day.  If nothing else, He is using today’s test to develop tomorrow’s faith.

“Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature   and complete, not lacking anything.” – James 1:2-4

 

“Crazy” street preachers

rodarters

As I was driving through town yesterday, I noticed a man preaching at the thousands of cars that passed him. Actually, I think he is preaching to the drivers but since it is summertime in the South everyone has their windows up and are enjoying their air conditioning.  Maybe that is why the street preacher is screaming his message – to get through the glass?

What is his message?  Well, the “sermon” seemed to have a judgment theme to it. At least, the 90 seconds I actually heard before the light turned green. A couple of thoughts entered my head has he preached to his moving congregation:

  • He has got to be hot.
  • I wonder what church he goes to?
  • Is he homeless and bored or independently wealthy and called to preach?
  • Is he expecting a response from us? If so, what kind?  Do we honk to agree or disagree?
  • When he gives the altar call, do our cars “come forward” in response or do we leave our vehicles to follow him?
  • How long does he stay at that corner?
  • Does he work other corners in our city? If so, where, what time?  (Why do I even care what his preaching schedule is???)
  • What’s his story?  Was he doing this at recess in grade school or is this a relative new gig for him?
  • Is he a whack-job?  I mean – he is preaching down the street from the mental assylum.
  • Why is there not a reality TV show about street preachers?  God knows we have a reality show about everything else!
  • Why do street preachers intrigue me?
  • Why aren’t street preachers ever shouting about the importance of tithing or keeping the Sabbath or fasting?  Why is it always about wrath?
  • Does God really call people to do this… on the street…in the South… in the summertime?
  • Does he eat locusts like John the Baptist?

All these thoughts run through my head in 90 seconds, while I am trying to listen to what he is saying.  He has either lost his mind or he has the mind of Christ.  Maybe he is my brother in Christ?   I mean – he does have a Bible and he reads it more than most Christians I know – even if he is shouting to passerbys who aren’t listening.

I do know he makes me uncomfortable – kind of like the homeless man.  You are drawn to look and yet you do not want to be caught looking. He caught me looking today. So, I waved.  I didn’t know what to do so I waved.  Now that I mention it, that seems like an awkward response.   He must of thought so too with the look that he gave me.  I don’t think many people wave at him with all their fingers in the upright position.

He made me think about the prophet Jonah who was a street preacher sent to the town of Ninevah.  God told him to preach a sermon of hellfire and brimstone to everyone he could.  I wonder what Ninevah thought of Jonah.  Fresh out of the belly of a whale, I’m sure he looked a lot like the homeless-looking street preachers we often see in our cities.

I wonder if some Ninevite man in a chariot ever waved at him?  If they ignored Jonah’s message, Ninevah would have been destroyed in 40 days.  God takes His warnings very seriously.  Fortunately for Ninevah, the people took heed of Jonah’s message and the entire city repented, all 120,000 of them.   To this day, it is still the largest recorded revival ever to occur.

Maybe I should listen to this street preacher’s message – all of it, not just the convenient 90 seconds because the light is red?  What if God sent him to that specific street corner with that specific message for those specific people?   Maybe I should stop and encourage another brother in the ministry?  I have a feeling he doesn’t get much encouragement.  Or maybe he is truly a whack-job and he escaped from the local hospital?   Most people probably think this man is crazy.  Then again, doing what God tells you to do can feel crazy for all of us (loving an enemy, praying for those who persecute you, turning the other cheek, walking by faith, etc)

I think I will say a prayer for him and for all the “crazy” street preachers I come in contact with.  I wonder what crazy thing God will tell me to do today.   I wonder if I will have the guts and faith to actually do it?

Moral of the story: Pray for the street preachers and roll down your windows. You might hear something that will challenge you… or worse yet – change you.   If nothing else, you just prayed for a guy who could use a prayer.

“For each time I speak, I cry aloud; I proclaim violence and destruction, because for me the word of the Lord has resulted in reproach and derision all day long. But if I say, ‘I will not remember Him or speak anymore in His name,” then in my heart it becomes like a burning fire shut up in my bones; and I am weary of holding it in, and I cannot endure it.” – Jeremiah 20:8-9