Category: General

Character doping and nakedness

rodarters

Did Lance Armstrong take performance enhancing drugs to help him win seven Tour de France titles or did he win legitimately?

That is the international debate around the water coolers this week and how you answer that question has little to do with the truth and more to do with your opinion about Lance, athletes in general, drugs, drug testing, competition, motives, hearsay, pragmatism, cover-ups, etc.

  • Fellow cyclists claim he has doped with them in the past.  Maybe they’re right.  While they certainly had access to Lance that others would not have, their motives are also easily questioned.  Some of them could benefit with such a discovery by either improving their standings in a particular race or receiving compensation of some sort for their “story.”  Of course, plain ole jealousy could cause a fellow racer to make a false accusation too.
  • A former masseuse claims she threw out used syringes on Lance’s behalf.  Maybe she did but not one syringe is left as examinable evidence.  I find their absence conspicuous.
  • A former employee claimed that he discovered a box of androstenone while cleaning a bathroom in Armstrong’s apartment in Girona, Spain.  Maybe he did.  However, androstenone is not one of the banned substances.  It doesn’t really matter anyway.  The mere mention of drugs (even “legal” ones) found in his possession plants more seeds of doubt in an already questionable garden.  Accusations and ulterior motives abound in situations like these.  And in this particular case with the employee, not all smoke leads to fire.
  • The USADA (United States Anti-Doping Agency) says he is guilty of doping and they have the evidence to prove it.  Maybe they do.  Although, after an alleged 500 tests to his body over a period of several years, the results have been (so far) inconclusive. (Translated: They couldn’t find any traceable amounts of performance enhancing drugs in his system).  Given his high-profile stature and the sheer number of tests given could make it reasonable to assume that Lance would be stupid to try and sneak something past all the probing needles given at unannounced times.  However, knowing the hubris of a professional athlete can be off the chart, anything is possible since many sports icons think they are invincible and above the law.
  • And then there is Lance’s opinion.   As you might expect, he proclaims his innocence and that he has won each race legitimately.  Maybe he has.  But when it comes to denying the allegations, no one has more motivation than Lance.  Who would want to be stripped of 7 championship trophies?  Who would want to forfeit the prestigious title of “best ever” in his field?  Who would want to lose all that prize money?  Who would want to face such public humiliation and disappoint supporting family, friends & fans?  Lastly, who wants an asterisk dangling after their name in the history books?  Yes, Lance has plenty of reasons to declare his innocence – especially if he is truly innocent.

Sadly, even if he is telling the truth, the ghost of athletes past still linger in our mind.   The scenario is all too common, if not predictable.  A superstar is accused of taking performance-enhancing drugs.  They deny it.  More accusations.  More denials.  The smoke eventually clears and the dust settles since there isn’t enough evidence to prove anything… yet.  Then it comes out (days or months or years later) that they were indeed lying through their teeth.  The athlete finally succumbs to the overwhelming evidence and admits wrong doing.  The icon is disgraced or arrested and we are left holding the pieces of a broken idol.  It may not be fair to Lance but you almost cannot blame us for doubting him, even if his drug testing record is spotless.   Too many “innocent” athletes before him have been found guilty.  After all, most of the time the adage is true, “Where there is smoke – there is fire.”

I understand why people lie, cheat and steal to get what they want.  Our human nature often wants what it cannot have and when the things “out-of-bounds” are within reach, we will do almost anything we can to grab it.  For some, the forbidden fruit is a championship win at any cost.  For others it is a forbidden relationship or money that is not theirs or material possessions.   The 10th commandment was given for a reason.  At our core, we are all just a bunch of coveters.

What baffles me is not why we do it but rather why we think we can successfully cover up our wrongs.  We never can.  It doesn’t matter if you are a high-profile Coach, beloved Priest or sitting President – your sins will find you out.  Our first parents (Adam & Eve) tried to hide their sin and cover up their nakedness with a fig leaf (Genesis 3).  The leaf did not work then.  It still doesn’t work today.  Even our most sophisticated cover-ups are still lacking.  A lie will eventually be uncovered.  A cheater is eventually exposed.  A thief will eventually be caught.  It may not be today.  It might not be tomorrow.  But it will happen.   History has shown us this much.   And there are two main reasons why:

  1. The first reason is because of the day and age we live in.   The technological age has ushered in “Big Brother.”  Someone is always watching, listening or recording the things we do and say.  Always.  Though you may not realize it, you are being tracked every day.  Literally.  You cannot drive down the street without a camera detecting your car.   There is not one aisle in one store where Big Brother’s eye cannot see you.   You may think you are running errands “alone.”  You actually have more eyes on you than you realize.  And thanks to technology, we leave a virtual footprint everywhere we go.  Cell phones are tracked and triangulated through towers.  Text messages, though deleted from your phone, can still be recovered.  Documents that we “trash” on our desktop never actually leave the computer.  Every picture and website you ever downloaded or visited can be made visible – even after you erased the cache.  Your credit card & the camera on your phone reveals your location every time you use it.  In the case of doping, technology can reveal what is in our bodies, even the small percentage of trace amounts.  In other words, we are all wearing muddy online shoes while walking on a white technological carpet.
  2. The second reason is more subtle.  Whether you recognize it or not, we live in a tiny fishbowl (called Earth) watched constantly by the Maker of the tank.  Just as most good parents know what their children are into, in the same way our Creator is well aware of our movements and our motives, our location and our lies, and how to expose them, in His timing.
  • When my children were little we played “hide and seek.”   In broad daylight, they would cover their eyes and actually think that would impede my ability to find them.  I would walk around the house yelling (playfully), “Wheeeere are youuuuu?”  All adults know it is a ridiculous attempt but kids actually think the plan might work.  In the same context, immediately after Adam ate the forbidden fruit and covered himself with a fig leaf, God asked him, “Where are you?”  God wasn’t trying to pinpoint his physical location.  He knew exactly where Adam was “hiding.”  The question was an opportunity for Adam to say, “Here I am!” and ‘fess up.
  • God asked the prophet Jeremiah, “Can a man hide himself in secret places so that I cannot see him? Do I not fill heaven and earth?” (Jeremiah 23:24).
  • King David recognized God’s omnipresence when he wrote, “Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?  If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.” (Psalm 139:7-8).
  • The writer of Hebrews reminds us that “Nothing in all creation is hidden from God’s sight. Everything is uncovered and laid bare before the eyes of Him to whom we must give account.” (4:13)

The problem is, we think we are actually alone.  We believe that because something is done out of view, in the dark or behind closed doors that we are safe from discovery.  Our human nature tempts us to do what we shouldn’t.  Our pride tells us we can get away with it.  But our newspapers eventually confirm our worst fears.  If the people of power (coaches, clergy & congressmen) can’t get away with it, why would we think that we could?   And even if we can get away with it on earth, there are always two eyes in Heaven.  And because of that, we will always (eventually) reap what we sow.

It’s time we restore the “honor” system where we all do “right” simply because it is the right thing to do.   Perhaps our athletes need to place their right hand on a Bible and swear to compete honestly.   Perhaps our coaches need to do a better job of emphasizing sportsmanship and integrity over winning.   Perhaps we parents need to be more diligent in teaching our children the true definition of character, who we are when no one is looking.  For all of us, modeling good behavior is more caught than taught.

One day (soon) we will know whether Lance’s accomplishment was a true physical feat or a fraud.

Regardless of that outcome, what are you?   If your character was tested for moral dope, would you pass?   In what area of your life are you covering with a fig leaf?  Who are you really, when no one is looking?

“When wealth is lost, nothing is lost.  When health is lost, something is lost.  When character is lost, all is lost.” – Billy Graham, evangelist.

Lions and Tigers and Boy Scouts, oh my!

rodarters

I picked my six-year-old son up from school Monday and as he got in the car he proudly exclaimed, “Dad, I’m going to be a Tiger Cub!”   Since he spends most of his waking moments in the world of make-believe, I assumed he meant the animal.    Doing my best to keep the spirit alive, I said, “That’s great Buddy.  Can I be a lion?”   Apparently I was in the wrong world.   “No, Dad.  I mean a Tiger Cub – like in the Boy Scouts!”

Ah, the Boy Scouts.  Suddenly I had flashbacks to my childhood when I was (briefly) a badge-chasing, knot-tying, wood-carving lad.  I remember collecting a few badges for some of the activities.  I remember learning to tie intricate knots and wondering how in the world that would come in handy as an adult.   The last thing I remember was having a professional boxer come to our monthly meeting (held at the local church) to teach us boys how to box.  Boxing at church seemed odd.  Overall, the boxing lessons were fun until I realized that getting punched in the face was the primary goal of that sport.  I was also scheduled to fight my friend, Craig Eastwood.  Naturally, I began to explain to Craig how he needed to “turn the other cheek” for me.  For some reason he disagreed with my interpretation of that Scripture.  When boxing ended, I retired my gloves and joined a soccer team and never looked back to the Scouts… until tonight.

Tonight was the informational meeting at my son’s school and since he was so enthusiastic about being a part of it, naturally I went.   We were greeted by a socially awkward ten-year old scout at the door.  His presence physically stopped us from walking past him into the meeting room.  He then nervously recited an obviously memorized script telling him what to say to any prospective Scouters.   The mono-toned script was painful to listen to.  Though I appreciate the leadership that he was forced to exercise, it wasn’t the best first impression.  I almost felt as if I should clap when he finished.  I could see my son’s enthusiasm wane a bit.

Once we entered, there were about twenty children, as many adults and approximately four scout leaders, all wearing the traditional Boy Scout shirt adorned with badges.   The leaders were very friendly and encouraged us to sit at a table with Boy Scout literature.

Having led hundreds of meetings in my day, I have come to appreciate beginning a meeting on time.   Since it was a Boy Scout meeting, I assumed that their meetings would always begin on time.  After all, aren’t they like the military for boys?  I was wrong.  The time was now 6:39 and we were still sitting there waiting for something to happen, 9 minutes behind schedule.   Everyone was getting restless, especially my little guy.  Finally, a leader stood up to address the room.   Not surprisingly, he looked nervous.   When he opened his mouth, it was confirmed.  Perhaps the Boy Scouts need to add “public speaking” to their list of activities.   I bet if they made a badge for it, some would learn how to do it.

The Scout leader stated his credentials in the Boy Scouts.  I don’t remember the details but it is safe to say he has been in the Scouts since the Early Ming Dynasty.   He went on to talk about the different aspects of the Scouts, what the kids will be learning, the advantages to getting involved & the cost.   The whole presentation was aided by a PowerPoint slide show that was handled by an apparent Den Mother.  Though she could no doubt find her way out of the wilderness, she had no idea how to navigate the laptop.   If the Bad News Bears were to run a meeting, this is what it would have looked like.  When she realized that she was losing the attention of those in the room, she promptly taught us the Boy Scouts international symbol for “stop talking.”   It looks exactly like the international “peace” sign, except the two finger tips are the wolf’s ears and the rest of the fingers are closed, symbolizing the wolf’s mouth.   When her hands go up, our mouths go closed, like the wolf.  As she is teaching us this important silencer with all seriousness, I had an involuntary flashback to the hilarious rooftop scene in the movie, Hangover, where the bachelor party speech mentions the wolf pack.

As the meeting was finally coming to a close my son leans over and whispers, “Dad, can we go?  I don’t want to do Scouts anymore.”   What???   I was shocked.  For the last two days all the boy has talked about was being a part of the Scouts.  Now, he wants out.  When I pressed him as to why he had changed his mind, he simply said the three words that can kill interest for any person, particularly a six-year-old boy:  “It looks boring.”   You know what?  He was right.   From the moment we walked into the building to the time we learned how to close our mouths like a wolf, it was boring.   Though I know that the Boy Scouts is a good organization and that they will teach helpful skill sets over the years, I felt the same way that night.  The meeting was boring.  The leaders were boring.  They made their information boring.  Certainly, the presentation was boring.   There was little enthusiasm in the room.  It was business as usual and they just lost their first customer.

As we were walking to the car, I wanted to make sure this was his decision, not mine.  I told him that the Scouts would be fun and that he would come to love it.   Maybe this wasn’t the right Troop for us.   His mind was made up.  He was already on to the next thing, “Daddy, can I play soccer instead and you be my Coach?”  Aaaah, music to my ears!

Soccer is more my element.  Coaching is more my speed.  I’m much better at chasing a moving ball then tying an Angler’s loop.   I am certainly better at teaching the fundamentals of a corner kick than I am at starting a campfire.  And at the end of the day, it really doesn’t matter if my son becomes an Eagle Scout or if he plays badminton.   What is important is that we were together, bonding as Father and Son.

That’s the beauty of organizations like the Boy Scouts.  They create opportunities to bond with your child.  Quite frankly, there isn’t enough of it today.   With school and work schedules to balance, it’s hard enough grabbing a meal with a child let alone go fishing or hiking or camping.   And yet, this is the time to do it – while they are still at home and dependent upon parents for just about everything.

There is no substitute for time with your children.   Though quality time is important, quantity time is still essential.  And quantity time takes…. time.  Has it been awhile since you spent quantity time with your son?  When is the last time you bonded with your daughter?   Get in their world somehow.   Whether it is Scouts or sports or crafts or serving the homeless – grab your child and do something with them.  You won’t regret it.  And in the process, you just might master a new skill or teach them one.  If nothing else, you communicate love to your child.   And EVERY child needs quantity time with their parents and to hear verbal affirmations from them.  Even God Himself understands how important this is,

“As soon as Jesus was baptized, He went up out of the water. At that moment heaven was opened, and He saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on Him. And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased.” (Matthew 3:16-17)

How dare you judge me while I’m judging you!

rodarters

A few weeks ago I walked into the local Wal-Mart for a few essentials.  I love walking the aisles of Wal-Mart since people watching is a favorite past-time.  One of these days, security is going to ask me to leave for staring at people.  As is typical, you see all kinds of shapes and sizes from all walks of life.   I’m shocked at what people wear.  I’m stunned by the lack of personal hygiene.  People seem to come to Wal-Mart as if they just ran out of their burning house.

This particular day, I caught myself being extra judgmental towards those I saw.  I found myself thinking extremely critical thoughts.  After finishing my self-righteous shopping spree and before security could talk with me, I was out the door and headed to my car.

And then I saw him.

A man in his late 20’s, shaved head, tattoos all over his visible body, chain on his pants seemingly attached to an invisible wallet.  He was wearing those tall, black Army issue boots.  He looked like the kind of guy that would mug his own mother, on her birthday.  His appearance alone would make most anyone nervous – particularly in a parking lot.  He didn’t walk but rather strutted like he owned the parking lot.  Maybe he did.  Maybe he was walking towards me to collect the rent?  My mind raced.  What did he want with me?  With no one else around, he was clearly coming my direction.  I assumed he was going to approach me for money.  If he didn’t outright mug me, I anticipated him coming up with some story that would tug at my emotional heart-strings.  I figured he would say that he only needed a few dollars to help him reach his goal.   As he approached, I braced myself for the worse.  I was right.  He did want my money.  He also had some great “story” about why he needed the money.   His pressing “need?”   He volunteered for a local, Christian ministry that was designed to help orphaned children in need.  The more we talked, the more I realized he was the “real deal.”  He wasn’t a thug, he was a minister.  He wasn’t after money for him, but for needy children.  He was dressed like a thug gang member but I realized pretty quickly, his heart was more pure than mine.   I walked away humbled that I had so harshly judged another brother merely because of how he looked.   As I walked to my car, a few dollars lighter – I was grateful and sad for the truth I just discovered about myself:

I am a full-fledged judger of others.

If you were to ask someone what is the most widely known verse in the Bible, most people might guess John 3:16.   After all, there is some fanatic at almost every professional stadium in the country that holds up a cardboard sign with that reference on it.  But, according to a survey (given by some official person, in some far away state, interviewing a certain number of self-proclaimed non-believers) apparently Matthew 7:1 is the most recognized verse in all of the Bible.  If you do not know it by reference, you surely know it by sight.  It reads,

“Judge not, lest you be judged.”

Apparently more non-church people know that verse than any verse about God’s amazing love.   And why would most non-believers and atheists know that verse so well?  Probably because they have been judged with impunity by those called to love them.  And I realized, I not only joined their judging ranks – judging had become a subtle part of my daily lifestyle.   Everywhere I go, I judge people.  I judge their socioeconomic status by their appearance.  I judge their job by what they drive.  I judge their parenting by their children’s “snapshot” behavior in public.  I judge their education by their speech.  I judge their health by their weight or diet.  I judge their soul by their deeds.   And, God forbid, anyone applied the same judging standard to me – on any given day I could easily be considered a POOR, UNEMPLOYED, UNEDUCATED, UNHEALTHY, PAGAN, BAD PARENT.

As I am looking down at the “gang member” with Army boots, someone else is probably looking down at the suburban Dad staring at him.  And someone else is probably judging the person who is judging the person who is judging me.  We all do it to others and yet we cannot stand when it is done to us.   We judge others so frequently, we do not even realize we are doing it and the millisecond we feel the judging stare on us, we shout out Matthew 7:1: “HEY!  JUDGE NOT PUNK, LEST YE BE JUDGED.”  (“Punk” is in my paraphrased version.  For some reason, it seems more holy to say words like “lest” and “ye” when quoting the Bible in our favor)

When life is good to us, we walk proudly around our planet.  When we have a great job, we walk with confidence.  When we have great kids, we raise our heads with pride.  When we drive a nice car or reveal a nice smile or have a nice diploma hanging in our office, we feel impenetrable to the judgments of others.   When we look thin or have money falling out of our wallet, we feel like we have “made it.”   But have we?  Are the people who do not have all of that, “less” than us?   Is someone inferior simply because of what they drive?   Is the man on the street a worse person because he does not have a 401k?   Are you really a better parent because your child is on the honor roll?  Are you really in better shape than the guy at the gym simply because you look thinner than he?  Are you really a better person because you sit in a pew every Sunday or give more money to a charity?

We live in a physical world and therefore we judge others with a physical standard.  And yet, as I learned in a Wal-Mart parking lot, there are people walking around who look dangerous but are actually safe to babysit my kids.  Maybe even safer than my current babysitters?   There are people who drive lemons who actually may have more money than the woman in the Lexus.  There are people who look in shape at the gym but they could actually be less healthy than the overweight man at Dunkin Donuts.  And there are plenty who play the part at church who could actually be hiding a sin worse than those in prison.

I have come to realize that all these years I have been judging others by the wrong standard.  I judge according to what I can see instead of judging by what I know.   And since most of the time, I don’t actually know the person I am judging (or their heart or motives or why they are in whatever position they are in), I am not in a position to judge them at all.   This is why Jesus says it so directly in Matthew 7, “Do not judge so that you will not be judged.  For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you.  Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?    Or how can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ and behold, the log is in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the log out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to take the speck out of your brother’s eye.” (1-3)

Though He was without sin, Jesus understood something fundamental about the human existence.  Since none of us are perfect we are rarely in a position to judge others.   I might be an adulterer and you might be a murderer but at the end of the day, we are both still guilty.  The jay-walker and the bank robber are still both law breakers.  We shouldn’t judge others simply because they sin differently than us.

I think this is the reason why Jesus was so loved by the sinners of His day.  Everywhere He went, He was surrounded by the social outcasts.  Lepers pursued him.  Prostitutes chased Him.  The blind, the deaf, the lame, the broken, the poor – they all lined up for His attention.  From annoying children to crooked tax collectors to half-breed Samaritans – they were all drawn to His character.  He allowed an unclean prostitute to touch His feet with her hair.  He invited Himself to dinner at the home of Zaccheus, a hated tax collector.  He invited a thief (named Judas) into His inner circle.  He healed the servants of His enemies.   He didn’t look at their appearance or wallets or social standing.  He merely loved them where they were and helped them how He could.

The only Person in a position to judge, never judged them.  The only Person who was allowed to look down at everyone, never did.  He actually preferred their company over the “church folk” and wanted to spend time with them.  He accepted them all, warts and all.  While everyone else pushed them away to the outskirts of town, He brought them close to His chest.  Those that others wouldn’t get near, Jesus actually touched them with His holy hands.  While the church was busy judging them for their appearance and behavior or past, Jesus was busy looking at their heart and their future.

Where are you on the judging past-time?   I have a feeling you judge more than you realize.  Here’s a humbling diagnostic test.  How many people in your social circle look nothing like you?   If you were to host a party, what would the guest list look like?  If they all drive your car and wear your clothes and shop at your stores, perhaps you are missing something.

When was the last time you physically touched an undesirable?   Or helped a minister who looked like a mugger?  Or introduced yourself to the tattooed loner on the street?  Or sat next to the single divorcee at church?  Or invited the homeless guy down the street for a home cooked meal?  Or talked with the local prostitute?   Has it been awhile?  Has it ever happened?  If not, why not?  IF you live in a socially comfortable bubble surrounded by your socially comfortable friends, the following sentence may not sit well with you.

If Jesus came to town, He probably wouldn’t be your close friend.

Would He invite Himself to your house?  Or attend your church?   From what I can tell, He would rather be at the local bar.  Or outside the brothel.  Or sitting on the street corner conversing with the homeless.  Without doubt, children would be nearby.

How could such a holy, sinless Person love the social misfits without judgment and be so comfortable on their turf and in their presence?   How can our unholy, sinful selves not be?

“For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need.” – Hebrews 4:15-16

Dear Mom – a letter from the womb

rodarters

The post is dedicated to a Christian friend of mine who is carrying an unplanned child out-of-wedlock.  She is on the verge of making an irreversible, devastating, life-changing “choice.”  If her unborn child was given a glimpse of life outside the womb and had the vocabulary to articulate thoughts, this is what her baby may write… a desperate plea to stay alive. 

Dear Mom,

I know we haven’t officially met yet but I thought I would say hi from inside your womb.  I am not sure how I arrived, I just know that I am glad I am here.   Though the place I am in is very dark, it is also very warm and comforting.  There is not much to do here but I am constantly entertained by the sound of your voice.  Oh, how I love the sound of your voice!  Every time you talk, I feel safe.  Every time you speak, I feel loved.  I don’t understand everything you are saying yet – but I can’t wait to comprehend it.  The best is your laugh.  You don’t do it often and I have no idea what causes it but when it happens, it feels amazing.

From all the muffled commotion I hear, I have a feeling that life is pretty stressful outside this womb.   Listening to the tone of your conversations, I can tell you are scared.  Your voice sounds tired.  On the outside, everyone might think that you are doing ok but on the inside you are a wreck.  I know.  I live on the inside.  I can feel the tension.  Something tells me that I am the cause of it.

I keep hearing words like “abortion”, “choice”, and “procedure.”  Every time one of those words is said, a cold chilling wind hits my spine.  Yes, I have a spine.  And a heartbeat.  And ears.   I may not be able to see much right now, but I can hear it all.  From the sound of it, my days are numbered – I just don’t know why.  I didn’t ask to be here, your actions brought me.  Why don’t you want me now?   What did I do to deserve your rejection?

  • When you say the word “abortion”, I hear “death.”
  • When you say “choice”, I ask “Whose?”   My choice does not seem to matter right now.  Is it because my voice cannot be heard yet?
  • When you say “procedure”, I hear “pain.”  One of us will have anesthesia during this procedure and one of us won’t.  For you, this is a very simple out-patient surgery.  For me, it is an execution.  My only crime?   I exist.

Why don’t you want me?   Is it because of your reputation?   How does killing me help that?  Doesn’t that just make it worse?   Granted, sleeping with Dad may not have been your wisest decision but ending my life only complicates matters.  Your friends and family may never know about me.  But you know about me.  Dad knows about me.  Obviously, God knows about me.  He sent me here.  Just understand this: Ending my life does not end your memory of me.

Is this a financial decision?  Am I not going to see my first birthday because you want to save money?  Does my little mouth make it one too many for you to feed?  Rumor has it that a lot of people pay big money for someone like me.  Why not give me to one of those families?  I know someone out there wants me.  Why can’t I be with them?

Maybe this is about lifestyle?  Is my presence going to keep you from having fun?   Am I going to “cramp your style?”  Would you prefer dating over diapers right now?  Did my grandparents have this same discussion when you were in the womb?   They obviously did not choose lifestyle over life.  Why can’t I have that same freedom?

Does this have to do with my Dad?   Do you not like him now?   Was he abusive to you?   Is my existence a constant reminder of someone you want to forget?  I’m sorry for that, I really am.  But right now, for the next nine months, I don’t need a Dad.  I need you.

Maybe you don’t think I am really a person yet?  By week six, my ears began to form and my heart began to beat.  A beating heart is a sign of life, ask any Doctor!  By week eight, my lungs were formed and my hands and feet appeared.  By week eleven, my beautiful face was fully formed and you can tell my gender.  What more proof do you need?  I’m a person just like you – I just don’t have my voice yet.

I don’t know why you are considering removing me from the family portrait.  But my time is running out and the cards seem stacked against me.  The current legal system might allow you to “get away with murder.”  The government might even support it.  Unbelievably, your friends or our family might be encouraging it.  You might be able to afford it and even find some Doctor greedy enough to do it but make no mistake, your conscience will never forget it.  I might not make it out of here alive but one thing I do know, you will never forget me or the experience of losing me.

All I am asking for is the very opportunity you had – life.   If you can’t hear my cries for help, then let my constitutional rights speak for me.  Weren’t they established for people like me?   “We, the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect Union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.”   I want justice, domestic tranquility and to be defended!

I have to go – there is more work to be done before my arrival.  If this is last time you hear my voice, I just want you to know I forgive you.  The challenge will be to forgive yourself.

I hope to see you soon.  I want to laugh together, outside of this womb.

Love, your unborn child.

*********************

“For You created my inmost being; You knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Your works are wonderful, I know that full well.  My frame was not hidden from You when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.  Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in Your book before one of them came to be.” – Psalm 139:13-16

DISCLAIMER: This post is not trying to intentionally or formally declare where I stand concerning the pro-life/pro-choice debate.  Nor is it my desire to bring up a controversial and divisive subject for the sake of controversy.  Regardless of my particular belief, the baby is always pro-life and this “letter”was written from the baby’s perspective.  Also, I am painfully aware that there may be women reading this who have already chosen to abort a baby in their past.  This is not written in subtle judgment of that decision.  Any guilt they still feel is a direct result of their decision and not because of this particular post.  We all must learn to deal with the poor decisions we have made and the consequences we face and move forward, trying our best to learn what we can from those painful experiences.  Some readers may find the following blog helpful in regards to the regrets they have experienced in the past.

Update: Wednesday, September 5th, 2012.   My friend texted me today and told me she had the abortion.  I am very sad on a number of levels.  Sad that Satan got another victory.  Sad that a “choice” trumped a life.  Sad that some doctor made money for his disservice to our land.  Sad that some loving couple can’t experience the joy of an adoption.  Sad for my friend’s children who won’t be having a little baby sibling to love on.  Sad that I never to got to meet this little one I have prayed for.  Really sad for my friend.  When I asked how she felt, her only response was, “I just feel dirty.”  

Interestingly, her initial text to me was simply, “It is done.”   I knew instantly what she meant.  I also could not miss the connection between her three words and the last three words of Christ as He hung on the cross.  He cried out, “It is finished” and died.

  • One death occurred to save a reputation.  The other death occurred to save mankind.
  • One death was to make life easier.  The other was to make life holy.
  • One death only brought death.  The other death brought Life, now and later.
  • One death made one man richer.  The other death made all men richer.
  • One death brings regret.  The other death brings forgiveness, even extended to her – even now.  Especially now.

Continue to pray for my friend.

Living life in-between trapezes

rodarters

The circus recently came to my town.   Every time I see it advertised, I think about going.  Every time they come, I never attend.  What keeps me away are the clowns.  Honestly, they freak me out.  I’m also allergic to peanuts and I hear there are peanuts everywhere at a circus.  But mostly it’s because of the clowns.   I remember attending as a child and what fascinated me the most (besides the bearded lady) were the trapeze artists.

There are two things I like about the trapeze artists.   First, I like that they call themselves “artists.”  I’m not sure why but that title amuses me.  However, seeing that they are able to “create by virtue of skill a work of aesthetic value”, I won’t argue with their title.  It does make me wonder if we should start referring to Spiderman as a web artist or Tarzan as a vine artist.  I guess since their swinging is more utilitarian, the artist title eludes them.  The main reason I like watching trapeze artists is because of the life lesson they teach me, every time they fly.

If you have ever watched a trapeze artist, you will notice that they begin on a platform, swing on a bar, leap to another moving bar and return to the opposite platform.  In theory, it sounds easy.  It even looks rather easy.  I can tell by the massive net below that it is not.   There is also a lot of pressure to the routine.  Many components have to work together perfectly in order for it to be successful.  You must begin your initial swing on time.  While in motion, you only have one opportunity to grab the other moving bar – literally a moment.  If the bar was not swung properly, you fall.  If you do not grasp it firmly, you fall.  If, in the leap, you slow the momentum – you will not make it to the next bar nor the next platform.  And if you are trying to do this in the circus, tens of thousands of people are watching you.   Pressure!

In order to go from one platform to the other, you must use the swinging bars.  Unlike Tarzan’s vine, however, the swinging bars never touch.  In fact, at the height of their respective swings, they are still several feet apart.  The only way you can go from one bar to the other is by taking a “leap” of faith.  In other words, you have to let go.  And for that brief moment in time, you are in-between trapezes.

Many times in life – before you can truly go to the next level, you have to leave the one you are currently on.  You cannot begin one job until you have left the other.  You don’t get Prince Charming until you dump the Jester.  You can’t get to second base until you have left first.  You get the picture.   Most times, we want to grasp the newer trapeze (or job, relationship, etc) before we let go of the older one.  It’s not that we really like the older one, it’s just that it’s comforting to us.   Who wouldn’t want to get to second base without leaving the familiarity of first?  It’s safer that way.

Life doesn’t work like that.  God didn’t design it that way.  And you can cry, complain, kick, scream, whine or pout – until you leave the one trapeze you will never make it to the other.

Bartolomeo, Giovanni Pellegrino and Giacomo Columbus were three brothers who grew up in northwest Italy in the 14th century.  Ever hear of them?   Probably not.  Know why?  Because they stayed at home – comfortably perched on their familiar platform.  If you paid attention in school, you know their brother, Christopher.  In 1492 Columbus sailed the ocean blue and the rest is history.  Because he was willing to reach for a new trapeze, a new land was discovered.   Before he could “discover” America, he had to leave the comfort of home and live for a season in-between the trapezes.   In-between trapezes is scary.  Ask anyone who has lived there.  It frightens us because it is unfamiliar territory.  But the unknown is only scary because it is unknown.

Several years ago I treated my step-Dad to a hot air balloon ride for his birthday. Neither of us had been on a balloon ride before and neither of us had a fear of heights. That is, until you are 3,000 feet above the ground in a glorified wicker basket. Up there, the winds are strong. Up there, the earth is far. Up there, even the tall buildings are small. And the only thing keeping us from crashing to the ground like a meteor was a wicker basket, rope, hot air and balloons. What crazy person invented this form of travel?? To be honest, it was exhilarating. The view (as you can see below) was breathtaking.  Was there some risk? Of course there was! But as recent events have shown us, there is risk in everything we do – even going to the movie theatres. I just know this… you can’t see the sunrise over the horizon from your La-Z-boy recliner. You will never rise above your circumstances while you are laying in your bed of excuses.

So, which trapeze are you on?   Why are you still there?  Because you want to be or because you are too afraid to leave it?  Is it time to swing on?   It will be a scary leap.  Yes, there will be a moment in time (it could be weeks or months) where you are “in limbo.”   Yes, you will have that feeling of insecurity and fear.   But that doesn’t mean you aren’t safe.   Remember, there can be a tremendous difference between being unsafe and feeling unsafe.  To understand that difference, go to your nearest amusement park and ride their scariest ride.  For about 3 minutes of your life, you will feel unsafe.  The truth is, you have never been so secure.  Just because you feel like you will be ejected doesn’t mean you will be.  There is a big difference between perceived fear and actual fear and too often our perceived fears keep us from living the life we want to live.  Fear can be a paralyzing force in our lives.  It can, if we let it, strangle our faith and bind our feet.

As George Addair once said, “Everything you want is on the other side of fear.”  

So, what do you want?   To meet that person?  To travel to that country?  To begin a new career?

Why are you letting fear stand in your way of grasping it?   Life change is just a leap away.  Life in-between the trapezes is calling your name.  A new platform awaits.  Go for it!

“I said to the man who stood at the gate of the year, ‘Give me a light that I may tread safely into the unknown.’  And he replied, ‘Go out into the darkness and put your hand into the hand of God.  That shall be to you better than the light and safer than the known!’  So, I went forth and finding the Hand of God, trod gladly into the night.” – M. Louise Haskins

Here is a picture of my Facebook friend, Allison Maslan, spending some time in-between trapezes. As an entrepreneur and life coach, her passion is helping people take the leap they need to reach that next platform in their business or life. For more information about her visit www.myblastoff.com.

8 things I don’t understand about the summer Olympics

rodarters

Like most Americans, I’m glued to the television watching the Olympic games.   Summer or winter, it doesn’t matter – I love watching them both when it’s in season.   I remember watching my first Olympics back in 1980 as a ten-year old.  I was mesmerized with the athletes and their pursuit of gold.  I remember jumping up and down on my couch (literally) when the United States Hockey Team beat “USSR” in the last few moments of the gold medal championship match.  Four years later, I repeated the couch jumping celebration with Mary Lou Retton’s perfect ten performance in the gymnastics competition.   Both were magical experiences etched into my memory.  Few things infuse a shot of patriotism into a citizen like watching the Olympic games.

As much as I love the games, however, there are several things I just don’t understand about these Summer Olympics.  Perhaps you resonate with the following areas?  If you have any “light” to shed on these (or wish to add any of your own commentary), I’d love to hear them.

  1. Post-competition Interviews.  Why must we interview these athletes seconds after they competed?   Most of them can barely breathe after such physical exertion and we are shoving a microphone in their face asking them to talk about their experience.  Can’t we wait five minutes for them to catch their breath before we hear their side of the story?
  2. Interviewers.   Where do we come up with these people?  Where do they come up with their questions?   Just prior to an Olympic match one interviewer asked a coach, “What is your plan with tonight’s game?”   Seriously?   Um, how about win?   Or, here’s a profound answer – outscore the opponent?  Apparently I am not the only one fed up with some of the questions.  There have been over 160 complaints filed against the BBC for such ludicrous and “insensitive” questions.
  3. Handball.  How did that become an Olympic sport?   How does one get on the Olympic team?  From what I recall, we played that sport twice in gym class in 7th grade and then never played it again.   Was that my Olympic try-out and I did not know it?   Was some Olympic coach watching us with a clipboard to see who had the potential to “go for gold?”  Since no American team has ever won a medal in the sport, our gym classes probably need to offer it more than twice.  Just sayin’.
  4. The scoring system for sports like Gymnastics.   Unlike most other competitions, the scoring for this sport is mostly subjective.  It’s like having an Olympic art competition.  How can you judge certain aspects of a routine?  Absent a glaring mistake, how can you possibly deduct points for a seemingly “perfect” routine?  One judge might score a 9.0 while another scores an 7.5.  Why the discrepancy?  I think this needs to be addressed as it provides an inconsistency in scoring and allows an opportunity for corruption among the judges.
  5. Diving competition.   How in the world do these divers get their bodies to spin so many times in so many different directions before hitting the water?  How in the world do you even practice that?   The only way I could imagine my body doing such twists and turns is if I was somehow in a deep, R.E.M. sleep on the diving board and then was suddenly pushed off.   Then, and only then could I possibly come close to making such turns.  Of course, my arms would be flapping like a duck in a tornado – I’m sure you lose points for that.  I certainly wouldn’t land gracefully or head first.
  6. Synchronized swimming.  For starters, it’s extremely impressive.  How do they do match their bodies so perfectly?  Having said that, how can anyone admit (out loud) that they do this for a living?   How do you coach that sport?  Coach: “Your knee and her knee were not in synch.  Do it again.”  Also, why hasn’t the synchronized idea caught on to other sports?  Why don’t we have synchronized running?  Or synchronized weight lifting?  And I have a problem with the subjective scoring in this sport as well.
  7. Badminton.   Seriously?  How did that become an Olympic sport?  Was there a shortage of sports when the Olympic committee decided to let that one in?  The only thing funnier than it being an official Olympic sport is the shuttlecock scandal that rocked the competition this year in London.   Olympic athletes intentionally playing like me?   Had I foreseen that move, I would have tried out for our own team this year.
  8. The expense it costs to host an Olympics.   Though there are some cities that actually profit from hosting the Olympics (Los Angeles, Seoul, Barcelona, Atlanta, Beijing), most suffer enormous losses.  Montreal, for example, hosted the 1976 Olympics and it reportedly took them over 30 years to finally pay off that debt.   In this global recession, is it wise for certain cities to risk hosting the games for the potential financial payoff in return?  It has been reported that the financial trouble that bankrupted the Greek government was because of its overspending as host of the Olympics.  (Reference: Victor Matheson, a member of the Sports Economist group blog)

Regardless of my questions, the ridiculous answers or the sports I don’t really appreciate, I love watching these games and seeing the best of the best compete.   For 17 days, I get to cheer and route for local hometown kids who have given their lives to a sport I may barely identify with.

Still, it’s fun to watch.  And thanks to Michael Phelps and the women’s beach volleyball teams, I’ve done plenty of jumping up and down on my couch this year.  If that were an Olympic sport, I’d be wearing gold by now.

Living life with radar on and antennae up

rodarters

Earlier this week I boarded a Greyhound bus heading from Charlotte, NC to Philadelphia, PA.   Surprisingly, it was my first time ever traveling on a commercial bus that wasn’t part of a guided tour.   Since I love all forms of travel, I figured I would embrace the Greyhound experience.  The Express bus had extra leg room, free Wi-fi and the ability to plug in a laptop.  I can’t even do that on a plane!  Like most stations and terminals, it also its share of interesting people to look at.   Every age, every color, every shape and size were there to board the bus along with me.

Over the years I have become a professional people watcher.  That is, unless you define “professional” as getting paid.  No one has given me money (yet) to do this.  “Where on the East Coast was everyone going?” I wondered.  “Why is that lady wearing THAT outfit?”  “That man looks sad, I wonder why?”  As curious as I was, I was also very tired and did not feel like talking to anyone.  If I’m on the road and want to talk to others, I generally carry a magazine. A magazine tells others, “I’m reading but it’s not important so you can interrupt me anytime you want.”   By contrast, if I am traveling and wish to be left alone, I will bring out my Bible.  No one talks to you if you have an open Bible in fear that they might be the target of your next conversion.  It’s like carrying a loaded weapon. Anyone sitting near you is afraid it will be aimed at them.

At a layover in Richmond, I found myself continuing my hobby of people watching.  I noticed a young Japanese girl with a huge red bag walking around somewhat aimlessly.  It was clear she was new to our country and unfamiliar with our stations.  As I walked past her, she asked me a question about her ticket and destination.  It turns out we were both ending our trip in Philadelphia.  With her question answered, she went to the station’s in-house restaurant.  I went back to people watching.  About 30 minutes later, we boarded the bus.   As Providence would have it, we ended up sitting next to each other and for the next five hours we engaged in conversation about her country, Hiroshima (her home town), World War II, the Olympics, family, Google Translate, blogging, religion and Cinnabons.

As we exchanged contact information at our destination and said our goodbyes, I realized something.  I thought I was taking a bus from Charlotte to Philadelphia.  Actually, I was forming a new friendship.  The bus was merely the setting.  I had a one dimensional goal in travel – get to Philadelphia.  Apparently, God had two.  I could have driven my own car to Philadelphia.  I could have taken a plane or train.  But I didn’t.  I took a bus.  And on that specific day (Tuesday, July 31st) in that specific city (Richmond, VA) on that specific bus (GLI 3014) at that specific time (9:15am) entered a specific stranger (Kyoko) who would decide to sit in a specific seat next to specific me.

What would have happened had I not had my “antennae” up or had I been closed to a conversation with a stranger?  What if I was in ipod-land or sleeping or too engrossed in a book to notice a visitor to our country?  I would have missed out on getting to know a fascinating person and making a new international friend.  This specific moment in time, I was paying attention.  But I wonder – how many moments a day do I miss because my antennae is down?  How many moments do you miss because your radar is tuned to you and not to others?

There are people (strangers, friends and family) all around us that are in need of something and oftentimes we have the ability to personally meet that need.  The question is, are we willing to do so?  How many people in your life are lonely and need your friendship now more than ever?  A simple phone call, email or an invite for coffee could be all the salve they need for their current hurt.  How many people in your life need to borrow some money this month because they can’t keep their electric bill on during these tough economic times?  How many single Moms need help with the children since they can’t “find enough hours in the day to do all that they have to do?”  How many married couples desperately need a free babysitter so they can go on a long overdue date to keep their struggling marriage together?  How many elderly neighbors need someone to clean their gutters or do their yard work since they can’t physically do the work themselves?   How many Pastors need a letter from a member of their congregation saying they appreciate their often thankless work?  How many employees need a “Good job!  I notice what you do!” comment from their boss?   Whether its money or services or talents or time or encouragement, everyone possesses something that can benefit others.

The reality is simple.  If you have some extra time, you need to figure out how you can give it to benefit another.  If you have some extra money, you should find a way to get it in the hands of someone who desperately needs it.  If you have a certain gift or talent, you need to ask yourself, “Where can I best use this today?”   If you have an extra car, maybe someone needs to borrow it.  If you have leftovers, maybe there is a single person down the street who would love a home cooked meal, even if that meal has been cooked twice?  Daily bread is meant for us – to meet our needs.  Abundance of bread is meant for others – to meet their needs.

When you read the Gospels, you see the Example of a Man who lived His entire life with His radar on and antennae up.  Jesus was never en route to somewhere without being aware of people and their many needs.  On His way to Jerusalem (to be killed) He healed two blind men (Matthew 20).  Even from the cross, barely able to breathe, He made sure someone would be there to look after His mother once He was gone (John 19).  He never ran errands interrupted by people.  People were His errands and every movement He made was for them.

One of my favorite passages of Scripture is referenced above where Jesus heals the two blind men.  Mark chapter 10 tells us that one of them is named Bartimaeus.  We are told that Jesus was leaving the town of Jericho with His disciples and a large crowd was following Him.  If you have ever been in the center of a large crowd, you will know two things to be true:

  1. You do not notice much beyond your immediate personal space.
  2. You can only hear what is being said by those closest to you.

Unless, of course, you have your radar on and antennae up.   As Jesus was walking along, He heard someone calling to Him over the noise of the crowd.  Initially the men were told by others to be quiet.  Ignoring them, they continued to yell louder and louder.  Jesus called the men to Himself and asked them an unthinkable question.   It’s a question that a subject asks a King.  It’s a question that a slave asks his master.  It’s a question that a child asks his parent.  It is certainly not a question that God should ask a man.   The question was simply,

“What do you want Me to do for you?”

What a powerful question.  What an opportunity!  The God of the Universe is asking blind beggars what He can do for them.  Jesus is not oblivious to the men’s obvious need.  Jesus wasn’t asking because He didn’t know the answer.   It was merely a lesson for them (and us) on prayer and faith.   You ask God in prayer and believe with faith.

That question leads me to two thoughts.

  1. What if God asked you today, “What do you want me to do for you?”, how would you answer Him?   What is your life missing?   What does your faith lack?   God still asks the same question to blind beggars today.  Before He grants sight, you have to recognize your blindness and you need to ask by faith.   Maybe that is why we are still blind in so many areas of our life?  We are too stubborn to admit it or too proud to ask.
  2. What would happen if you made it a habit to ask that same question to someone else every day?   How could that radically impact someone’s life?  Honestly, I think it would radically change yours.

With your radar on you will see an entirely different world today.  When your antennae is up, you will see the needs of those around you like never before.   Not everyone’s needs are physical or financial.  Some are emotional and spiritual, but very real nonetheless.  You need to open your eyes and start asking the question.

What if God placed you in that particular cubicle at work to meet the needs of co-workers?  Maybe you live on your specific street, not because it’s your dream house, but because you have blind neighbors that need to see.   What if God put you in that particular seat on the plane to help heal a fellow passengers sight?   What if life isn’t about the travel or the house or the paycheck?   What if it is supposed to be about meeting the needs of others?

What if today was supposed to be about helping blind men see?  Is your radar on and antennae up?

***** Below is a picture of my new friend, enjoying a Cinnabon treat that I gave her.   On her Facebook page she wrote afterward, “My new American friend gave me happiness!  Best cinnamon roll in America!”  

What blogging has taught me about being popular

rodarters
This is me at 13 years of age. Slick hair. Favorite shirt. Flexing non-existent muscles. Mouth full of braces.  Huge nose.  String bean body.  The only thing I remember from that moment was I thought I looked great. Seriously?? That’s the difficult thing about pride… it’s the only disease that makes everyone sick but the one who has it.
“Be not proud of race, face, place, or grace.” – Charles Haddon Spurgeon.

With the publication of this particular blog post, it appears I will have reached five mini-milestones and one “A-HA” moment.  First, the milestones:

  1. For starters, it will mark the 3 month anniversary of my blog.  Though I have been writing for years, this is my first attempt at writing within the blogging walls.  It’s been an interesting experience so far.
  2. This is my 50th post.  Originally I had planned on writing one blog entry per day.  That goal, it turns out, was a bit ambitious and unrealistic, given my life circumstances.  Now it seems that I average about three a week.  Since I prefer quality over quantity, I’m fine with my current pace.
  3. With this post, my blog will have been visited over 26,000 times.   When I started, I wasn’t even sure I would read what I wrote.  The number is humbling.  I originally thought it was due to my Mom clicking on my blog 26,000 times.   Moms are supportive like that.  But seeing that her Facebook page hasn’t been accessed for over two years, there must be another explanation.  One of my best friends told me today that he has never read my blog.  If my friends aren’t reading it, I must have a lot of enemies.
  4. As of today, this blog has been read in over 100 countries, some I have never heard of!  From Canada to Japan and everywhere in-between. It’s even been read in Pakistan, Iraq, & Madagascar.  I thought Madagascar was a movie??
  5. My blog’s mission is to produce thought-provoking material.  Provoked thoughts provoke comments.  With the publishing of this 50th entry, it will have generated over 400 comments.  Most every writer loves feedback.  It allows us to see how (or if) we are connecting with our invisible audience.  I have enjoyed reading each remark, even the few that have had an issue with what I have written.  Since I respect the time that it takes to read my blog and comment, I have made it a point to personally respond (eventually) to each reply.  As much as I have enjoyed this exercise (and will continue as long as I can), it has led me to an “A-HA” moment.

The “A-HA” moment is simply this: I care what you think.

That may not seem very “A-HA-ish” to you, but it was surprising for me.  Here is why:

I spent my entire elementary, middle and high school career wanting to be liked.  Who doesn’t?  Everyone wants friends.  Unfortunately, I learned the cost to being popular was a higher price than I ever wanted to pay.  Often times, I saw the “cool” kids were mean to others.  I guess by putting others down, it made them feel better about themselves.  Or they were snobby.  Only those just like them were allowed in their inner circles.  They often stayed in their cliques.  As we advanced in school, some began cursing to keep their “cool” status.  Or they were doing drugs.  Or getting drunk.  Or having sex.  Or ______________ (fill in the blank).  Please note, I’m not implying that every “in-crowd” member had to compromise like this.  As a general rule of thumb, though, it seemed to me that the popular kids weren’t always the altar boys.

The problem, for me, was that as much as I wanted to be popular – I didn’t want to compromise who I was raised to be.  I was taught to be nice to everyone.  I was told to speak appropriately.  Watching my Dad die from smoking at age five, I knew I didn’t want to touch the “death sticks.”  Losing three friends in high school to drunk driving, I was afraid to drink the addictive liquid.  Drugs never made sense to me.  Besides, Nancy Reagan told me to “just say NO.” so I did.  Being the acne-ridden, skinny kid with a big nose and bad hair, sex wasn’t an option for me.  Besides, you saw the picture.  “Babe magnet” was not one of my nicknames.  As a result, I grew up with the realization that I would not be super popular and I was determined not to care.   Little did I know how helpful that indifference was for me.  It allowed me to maintain some convictions through the years.  It kept me from making some stupid decisions during some critical years.  It gave me the freedom to have friendships up and down the social ladder.  It taught me to do the right thing (most times), even if it was unpopular.  And most importantly, it showed me the importance treating all people kindly, not just the ones that could do something for me or improve my “status.”

What I have found fascinating is how Facebook is the great social equalizer.  When I signed on five years ago, I started getting friend requests from my middle and high school classmates.  People I never spoke to in high school (literally) now wanted to be my “friend.”  People that were mean to me (20 years ago) now wanted to add me to their friend number.  Had they finally come to their senses and added maturity to their resume?  Or were they merely trying to be popular in this new social medium?  On one level, it was amusing.  On another level, it was like getting inducted into the “in-crowd”, twenty years late.  As I look at my high school friends on Facebook, social standing is now irrelevant.  There is no cool table in the online lunch room.   We send messages and comment on status updates like we are family.  Too bad maturity often eludes youth.  We all lost a lot of time being petty about our friendships.

As Facebook has forced me to address friendships I had long forgotten about, so blog writing has forced me to question what price I’m willing to pay to be “liked” – even now as an adult.   I am realizing that it’s a slippery slope.   For example, if I write a blog about how I like President Obama, the Republicans will be all over me.  If I say there is a God, the atheists will come out of the woodwork with condescending mockery.  If I admit I’m a Dallas Cowboy fan, I’ll have death threats from my home-town Philadelphia Eagle friends.  If I say anything negative about Muhammad, I’ll have a fatwa on my head before noon.  See my point?  There is just no way to truly be popular with all people all the time.  Everything I could say is disagreeable to someone.  And that is where the “A-HA” moment comes in.

Though I do care what you think, my pen has to be consistent with my conscience.  From the well of my convictions, I have to fetch the water that I believe to be true.  With each published post, I have tried to align my thoughts with God’s thoughts (as revealed in the Bible).  Instead of trying to make 26,000 people in 100 different countries “like” my blog, I am finding I prefer a heavenly Audience of One.  Frankly, it’s a lot easier.

The truth is, people change.  God does not (Hebrews 13:8, Malachi 3:6).  The people who like President Obama today, will hate him tomorrow.  Just ask President Bush.  Those who were Bronco fans last season will like the Jets this season.  Just ask Tim Tebow.  And as soon as I try to become popular with one group this month, tides will turn and my blog will be ignored by the same group next month.

Billy Joel echoed this truth in his song, “The Entertainer”:

“I am the entertainer, And I know just where I stand:
Another serenader, And another long-haired band.
Today I am your champion. I may have won your hearts.
But I know the game, You will forget my name,
And I won’t be here In another year,
If I don’t stay on the charts.”

The reality is that we are a temperamental, wishy-washy, fickle people.  And God knows it – firsthand.

After all, one week the Jews were shouting “Hosanna in the Highest!” and laying palm branches before Christ as He rode on a donkey into Jerusalem.  The people loved Him when they thought He was there to save them from the Romans.  He wasn’t.  Disappointed, their sentiment changed.  One week later, those same Jews were shouting “Crucify Him!”  He had come to save them, not from Roman rule, but from their sinful selves.   Jesus wasn’t trying to become Homecoming King.  He came to be King of all kings.
He was never trying to please man.  His only aim was to please God.

How about you?  Who are you trying to please?  Your Boss?  Spouse?  Kids?  Parents?  Be careful.  People are fickle.  In a lot of ways, they are like children.  One week they want “this.”  Next week they want “that.”  In your attempt to please everyone you will discover that you can please no one.

Those you aim to please this week may place you on an ass.  Next week they might consider you one.  🙂

“Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance.” – Colossians 3:23

“We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of His will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please Him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God.” – Colossians 1:9-10

I want to die…

rodarters

When I read the Bible, I can’t help but wonder certain silly questions like,

  • “Did Adam have a belly button?
  • Did the serpent speak with a lisp?
  • Was Boaz built like Fabio?

I get these certain images in my mind of what the person or event looked like and wonder how close I am to the truth.   I read about some of the amazing events that occurred (parting of the Red Sea, fall of Jericho, etc) and wonder what it must have been like to actually have been there.

I read the stories that involve legendary men like Elijah, Jonah, Job, David or Paul and marvel at what occurred in their lives.  The truth is, they probably didn’t think they were very legendary at the time.  They were just ordinary men who did extraordinary things when their lives were yielded to a miracle making God.

What would it have been like to be the Prophet Elijah?   The miracles God performed through him were truly remarkable.  He caused the rain to cease for 3 1/2 years simply by praying (1 Kings 17:1).  He resurrected the widow’s son from the dead (1 Kings 17:22).  He called fire from heaven on the altar and then  slayed 850 prophets of Baal (1 Kings 18:38).  He parted the Jordan River (II Kings 2:8).  So significant was his impact on earth that his assistant’s (Elisha) only request was that when Elijah died, he be given a double portion of his spirit (II Kings 2:10).

What would it have been like to be the Prophet Jonah? Though he was initially disobedient and rebellious, the book that bears his name ends with Jonah leading the largest revival ever recorded in the history of the world.  (Interestingly, the city that Jonah was called to preach to was named Ninevah, today known as Mosul – located in modern-day Iraq.)  If a preacher today could preach one sermon and convert an entire city (over 120,000 people) – he would be on the cover of Time magazine and interviewed on every major network – not to mention immediately become the Pastor of the world’s largest church.   That was the accomplishment of this reluctant evangelist.

What would it have been like to be Job? The greatest man in all the East. Wealth, beyond imagination. His whole life was just one giant blessing – from his business to his family to his walk with God. So pure was Job’s heart that God was led to showcase His “blameless and upright” servant before an exclusive heavenly audience. If he were a businessman today, Job would be a CEO for a Fortune 500 company and at the top of the “World’s richest man” list.  Financially, he was the Bill Gates of the Bible.

What would it have been like to be King David? A shepherd boy turned king. The youngest in his family and the ruler of God’s chosen race.  A poet, a musician, a writer, a warrior. A man who killed a lion & bear with his bare hands. A man whom God used to save his nation from imminent slavery.  Without David’s pen, we would not have most of the book of Psalms.  Though his life was beset with many sins, he was undoubtedly blessed by God and would be forever known as Israel’s greatest king.

What would it have been like to be the Apostle Paul? One week he is killing Christians. The next week he is one of Christ’s most devoted followers. Even while in prison, he had an audience with the kings of the culture, Governors like Felix & Festus. Because of God’s writings through Paul, we have 13 books of the New Testament. A church planter, discipler and pastor – we owe much of Christianity’s impact in the first century (and beyond) to this one man.

What do these men all have in common?  For starters, they all were considered righteous.  They all were (eventually) enormously successful.  They all were used by God in mighty ways.  They all made a significant impact upon their culture.  But there was one more attribute they all had in common.

Surprisingly, they all, at one point, wanted to die.

  • Fear of Jezebel caused Elijah to desire death after his amazing victory over the prophets of Baal.
  • Job wanted to die after experiencing unimaginable loss – even regretting the day of his birth.
  • Jonah would rather die than see an enemy people enter the family of God.
  • David often despaired of his life when chased by his enemies, as recorded in the Psalms.
  • Paul wanted to die while being persecuted in chains (Philippians 1:21-23).

You expect losers to want to die.  You expect quitters to want to end their life.  You expect people whose lives don’t amount to much to desire the next life.  But not Christians!  Not successful people.  Not people who have been used by God.  Especially not legendary men of the Bible!

Yes, sometimes even Christians struggle with depression.  Sometimes even successful people want to end their lives.  Even the legendary men of the Bible wanted to quit at times.

Have you ever felt like dying?  Ever want to call it quits?  I have – many times, even recently.  As recent as tonight.  Like Job, I have experienced painful loss.  Like Paul, I have been persecuted by enemies.  Like David, I have seen the devastating effects of my sins.  Even tonight, I feel crushed by the weight of my past.  Like Jonah, I have wrestled with not wanting to do what God called me to do.  I have desired, many a time, to just be gone from this hurting planet.   “Why am I stuck in traffic“, I think, “when I could be on streets of gold?”

The older I get, the less I want to be here.  The more time I spend on earth, the stronger my desire is for Heaven.

I’m not alone.  I have many friends who are, right now, struggling with enormous daily problems; financial, emotional, relational, physical.   It seems everywhere I turn, people are hurting.  There are times when life is just overwhelming and the easy answer is to end it all.

But we keep going.  We put on a smile at breakfast even as we attempt to help little ones rise from the dead (aka sleep).  Killing a bear would be easier than helping a child get ready for school.  We get dressed every day in spite of the Goliath waiting for us at work.  We can barely part the laundry let alone think about parting the Red Sea.  We try to do what God calls us to do, in spite of the physical or emotional pain.   Some days, just getting out of bed is an accomplishment.

In a lot of ways, whether you know it or not, you are in good company.  Men like Elijah and David and Jonah relate to your struggle.  They too, wanted to quit but didn’t.

Here is the good news.  Your story isn’t over yet.  There is still time on the clock.  The last chapter has not been written and the movie credits have not scrolled up.  Today may be hard but God is not unaware of your struggle.  The miracles of the Bible are still available today.  The only difference between you and the Prophet Elijah is time.  The same God that helped David kill the lion and the bear is the same God that helps you pay your bills and drive your kids to soccer practice.  Your tasks may seem different, but the lesson is still the same.

TRUST.

Granted, you may have some big problems to address.  I know I do.  But you also have a BIG GOD at your side.   David did not look at Goliath and think “He is too big, I’ll never hit him.”  Because of God, David looked at Goliath and thought, “He is so big, I can’t miss.”  David didn’t kill Goliath because of “five smooth stones.”  David killed Goliath because He trusted a God who could aim.   God still aims today.   And He uses what is in our hand to do it.

Today, as you go out into battle – trust that you are not alone.  Trust that there is a God “who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to His power that is at work within us.” (Ephesians 3:20)

HIS power.

At work.

Within us.

Are you accessing that power?   Ask Him for it.

Paul did.  David did.  Jonah did.  Job did.  Elijah did.

So can I.   Yea, even me.

So can you.  Yea, even you.

Hey GLAAD, “Lighten up, don’t pucker up!”

rodarters

It is no secret that men and women are very different, in almost every way.   From what I have heard, men are from Mars and women are from Venus.   My personal experience with that gender confirms that they are from a different planet.  But women aside, I find myself trying to understand different segments of society as well.  Like the Real Housewives of anywhere.   Are they for real?  I don’t understand them or the people who watch them.

In my search for understanding, I have personally met with men from the local Mosque to try to comprehend the Muslim mind and Islam religion.  I have sat down with atheists in an attempt to understand their world without God.  I enjoy conversing with those from an opposing political party, hoping to understand what makes them “tick.”  I constantly ask friends and co-workers a barrage of questions about words they have said or actions they have done, in an attempt to understand why they do or say what they do.

It is in that spirit that I write this particular blog post.  As St. Francis of Assisi once wrote, “Seek first to understand.  Then be understood.”    Those words have guided me for years and I really aim to build bridges with those I disagree with, even when I disagree with them strongly.  Having said that, I really want to better understand and relate to the gay & lesbian community’s outrage and how they must feel this week in regards to all the Chick-Fil-A talk.

Honestly, the folks in the gay & lesbian communities are a mystery to  me – not just in their private lifestyle choice but in their public agenda with it.  I can accept a lifestyle I don’t agree with it just like I can accept a religion I do not agree with.  If you want to bow to your particular god behind closed doors – fine.  I accept that.  I can respect Islam so long as I don’t have to pay homage to Allah.   I can accept the alternative lifestyle too, so long as I don’t have to bow to the gay god.  But why all the anger when someone defends the traditional marriage as between one man and one woman?   What is so wrong with the heterosexual union?  If I’m not mistaken, you wouldn’t be here without it.

By now you have probably heard of the Chick-Fil-A boycott being planned by members of the gay & lesbian community.  From what I can tell, G.L.A.A.D. (Gay & Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation) is supporting the movement.   Chick-Fil-A  C.E.O., Dan Cathy was quoted in the Baptist Press (July 16) saying he was “guilty as charged” for supporting “the biblical definition of the family unit. We are a family-owned business, a family-led business, and we are married to our first wives. We give God thanks for that.”  He has been quoted as saying in another publication, “I think we are inviting God’s judgment on our nation when we shake our fist at Him and say, ‘We know better than you as to what constitutes a marriage.”   It has also been reported that Chick-Fil-A has donated over $2 million dollars to anti-gay groups.

Granted, not every gay and lesbian person may be planning on participating in the boycott nor may even agree with it.   However, GLAAD’s intention and actions do seem to represent the majority of those in that camp.  It should be noted that it is not their boycott that bothers me.  What bothers me is their organization of the “National same sex kiss day” on August 3rd in Chick-Fil-A stores nationwide.  With that background in motion, I am imploring the gay & lesbian community to “Lighten up!” and help enlighten me.

I realize that by saying this and publishing this post, I am kicking the entire bee hive because of a few vocal bees.  I fully expect to be stung as everyone normally is who dares to speak up in disagreement to their movement.  For those that are gay but do not agree with their overall group’s decision or actions, I apologize for lumping you in there with them.  Perhaps you need to be more vocal as well, so we can hear another viewpoint from someone in that camp?

Here are a few reasons why “they” (or you) need to lighten up in regards to Mr. Cathy’s expressed beliefs.

  • As a Christian, Mr. Cathy believes that God’s original plan for marriage was one man and one woman.  Whether you agree with Mr. Cathy or not, you have to admit that he is right about God’s original plan – one man with one woman.   After all, in the “perfect” environment (The Garden of Eden), God created Adam and Eve.  Had God created Adam and “Steve”, the human family would never have been able to continue past the first generation.   Whether you agree with him or not, he is still entitled to his beliefs and he is entitled to share them when asked by the Baptist Press.  Our First amendment rights make that clear.  In like fashion, you are entitled to your beliefs and you are allowed to share them.  I don’t have to tell you this.  You know your constitutional rights better than anyone.  You get on your soapbox often and shout your beliefs to everyone whether they want to hear it or not.
  • Chick-Fil-A is a privately held company.  This restaurant is not a political organization.  They are not publicly traded on the Stock Market.  They are not government supported, run or led.  They are not even a church or Christian organization.  They are a privately held restaurant whose owner happens to be an outspoken Christian.   Chick-Fil-A is famously closed on Sundays.  Why?  Because its christian leadership is trying to follow their personal conviction (and 4th Commandment!) that Sunday is the Lord’s Day and a day of rest.  The point is – unlike most other companies out there, they march to the beat of a different Drummer.   You don’t have to like it.  When you create the greatest chicken sandwich on the planet and turn it into a billion dollar business, you can make your own rules too.
  • They have not and do not discriminate against the gay & lesbian community from eating there.  I am sure you can find some example where a gay or lesbian person was denied from working there.  It’s an isolated incident.  I have been in over 20 Chick-Fil-A restaurants across the country and none have ever treated me with anything less than respect and dignity.  They didn’t know or ask or care what my sexual preference or background is.  They just wanted to know if I wanted “waffle fries with that order.”
  • If you feel so strong about this – then go ahead and boycott the company.   Follow in the steps of Ed Helms (actor from the Office) and refuse to eat there anymore.  I promise you, it will not silence the CEO, change the company’s view or affect their bottom line.  If they can THRIVE in this economy against STEEP competition WHILE being CLOSED ON SUNDAYS, I doubt your few missing dollars will have any impact.  Besides, they are not doing anything wrong.  They are just not bowing to your particular preference.
  • The owners of Chick-Fil-A may think being gay is wrong, so what?  They believe that God intended marriage to be between a man and a woman.  So what?  Chick-Fil-A will still give you a job.  They will still serve you in their restaurant.  They will even let you wear whatever pro-gay shirt you want in their store.  As long as it does not stop you from your constitutional right of eating their delicious chicken sandwich, what do you care what they believe or preach?
  • Aren’t you the group that proclaims everyone should be tolerant?  How come it seems like you don’t practice what you preach?  Apparently Christians are not the only hypocrites in the room.

One last thing, the “National same-sex kissing day” stunt you boast about doing is wrong and distasteful.   Just as you probably wouldn’t want Mr. Cathy to flaunt his anti-gay beliefs to you inside your place of business, you shouldn’t do the same in his.  Even if you pull it off, so what?  What do you prove?  That you can kiss in public?   Or does it merely prove you DO have an agenda you are trying to put “in their face?”  To be consistent, do you boycott every store who disagrees with you?  Do you feel the need to kiss in every store that has an outspoken CEO against your cause?   If not, why not?   Your answer would be telling.

I’m sorry that you have a hard time fitting in to our straight culture.  It’s really not so straight anymore, you should be pleased.  I’m sorry that it’s taken years to pass the laws to protect you and keep you safe.   I’m sorry that you feel judged all the time.  You deserve to be loved and accepted and protected like anyone else.   But just as you are allowed your beliefs and practices, Chick-Fil-A and its owners are allowed theirs as well.

Just for the sake of clarity so no one has to wonder “where I am coming from.”  I am straight but have several good friends & family who are gay.  Their being gay does not affect my thoughts towards them or my love towards them.   Though I may not agree with their choice, it does not mean I would ever stop being their friend/family because of it.  If one can only be friends with someone who lives right all the time, I’d have no friends.

Though I am not interested in getting into a debate about whether the alternate lifestyle is right or wrong, I would be open to polite, mature, civil comments on why the G & L community might disagree with this post.   Yelling and name calling and belittling of opinion doesn’t help either side gain understanding.  Hostile or mean comments will probably be deleted.  To be fair, I won’t tolerate abuse from the other side either.  However, if there is an intelligent, articulate, reasonable opinion on why the “National Same sex kissing day” is an appropriate response to Dan Cathy’s remarks, I’d love to hear it.

In the meantime, “Lighten up!”