Category: Christian

The witnesses of Jehovah

rodarters

Two Jehovah Witnesses came by the house yesterday morning.  They were dressed up nice like usual and very polite.  With a Joel Osteen grin, they both carried a Bible in one hand, JW materials in the other.  Two different people actually came by a few weeks ago.   They must not keep good records of who they contact.  Or else word is spreading among the Jehovah Witnesses that the guy with the goatee on Danfield Drive really needs help.

They always “witness” in twos.  I find the two man approach interesting.  One does the hard work of silently praying for my soul while the other one does all the talking.  One of these days I’m going to answer the door with some guy standing silently behind me – that should throw them off guard.  Maybe the two silent ones can have a stare down or something.

It’s the same approach every time.  He begins by talking about the nice weather and how he only wants a few minutes of my time.  He tells me that God is the Creator of all of us and how we should read His word.  I don’t disagree.  He quickly opens his Bible – unsure of how much time he has before I cut him off.  It feels like the Jehovah Witness version of American Idol; he is the nervous contestant and I am Simon Cowell.  I can tell by his body language and slight nervousness that he gets a lot of slammed doors on him.  He reads John 4:34 where Jesus says “My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work.”   Just then I remember that my food (aka pancakes) are probably burning in the kitchen.  He asks if I ever read my Bible.  I told him I do – at which point he looked visibly surprised.   Do I live in a pagan neighborhood, I wonder?  Am I the only one who answered yes to that question recently?  He then asks if I go to church.  I told him I do – at which point he acts even more surprised.   Now I’m starting to wonder if I should be offended.  I’m also wondering how black my pancakes are.  Do I not look like church material to him??   He then pulls out some JW materials and starts giving me a mini-Bible study in my driveway.  To be honest, I didn’t really hear what he was saying.  Partly I was wondering what was so surprising about me going to church.  Mostly I was thinking about my pancake hockey pucks in the kitchen and if smoke inhalation had overcome my children yet.   He must of sensed I was no longer tracking with him.   He ended the study rather abruptly, left some material and expressed an interest in coming back next week.

I don’t mind them coming.  I don’t even mind talking with them for a few minutes.  What bothers me is their assumption that I’m going to hell.  Of course, they don’t come out and say that but you can see it all over their face.  You would think after I answered the Bible & church attendance question in the affirmative that they would move on to other neighbors.  Nope.  He treated me like I was some tribal indian living in an uncivilized section of Papua New Guinea.   I swear he was even talking slow to make sure I could understand everything.  As I was about to get mad at being judged by my appearance – my conscience quickly reminded me how I do that all the time – as recently as yesterday.

Yesterday, I was walking out of Walmart heading to my car when I saw a young man heading my direction.  He was obviously a man on a mission – to me.   As he got closer, I had the following thoughts:

  • I really need to shop at Target more.  No one approaches me in their parking lots.
  • He had a skin head so that means he was in a gang.
  • He had a sleeve full of tatoos which means that he was going to try to beat me up and take my wallet.
  • He had a lot of ear piercings on both ears which means that he regularly enjoys mosh pits and loud rock music.
  • He had a nose piercing which means that he does drugs for breakfast.
  • He was wearing skater-type clothing which means he is a skater type person.  Skater type people fall down on their skate boards alot and they get back up and do it again – which means he likes inflicting pain on himself.
  • His pants were way down past his rear which means he does not own a belt.
  • He had big black boots on which means he likes to kick small puppies for recreation.
  • He had a goatee which means… ok, I wasn’t sure what that means since I, too, have a goatee.

Anyway – he was approaching me fast and so I did what everyone does in this situation… I sprayed him with pepper spray.   No, actually – I avoided eye contact.  As I am trying to get into the vehicle without him realizing that I am totally trying to ignore him – he says,

“Sir, I am part of ________ (name of some Christian ministry organization) and we are trying to raise awareness about ________ (name some important cause) and I wanted to give you this pamphlet to look over when you have a moment.”

Wow.  I did NOT expect that to come out of his mouth.  I also did not expect to still be the owner of my wallet or teeth.

As I got in the car I realized how much and often I judge others.  I have a feeling – if you are honest – you make similar judgments.   The dad with the screaming child at the store must be a terrible Dad.  That screaming child must be a spoiled brat.  The teenage boy with the extra long hair must have a poor attitude.  The teenage girls at the mall must have Bieber fever.  The overweight mom must be a glutton.  The jogger on Sunday morning must not go to church.  The guy who drinks beer at the restaurant must be an alcoholic.   All Christians are hypocrites.  All jocks are stupid.  All blondes are air-heads.  All politicians lie.  All Muslims are terrorists.  All rich people are greedy.  All homeless are lazy.  All Catholic priests are….  you get the point.

We despise being judged and yet we judge others all the time – with impunity – from the comfort of our own mind, without anyone knowing.

So, I guess the moral of the story is to quit judging others.   Chances are, you don’t really know what’s going on with the “polaroid snapshot” you just took of their life.

I’m going to really try hard on this one.  And if I get jumped in the Walmart parking lot by an overly pierced, skin-head, tatooed skater type with low riding pants and black boots… well, it won’t surprise me.  After all, it’s what they do.

(More about judging others can be found at this post: “How dare you judge me while I judge you!”)

A letter to Junior Seau

rodarters

Junior,

This letter is addressed to you but seeing that you are no longer with us – it’s really for those you left behind.   I have followed your football career for the last 2 decades.   Most kids dream about living the life you lived.  Most athletes never reach the level of success you achieved.  Even those who make it to the upper echelon of their game don’t last as long as you did – particularly in your sport.  You helped your first team make it to their only Super Bowl appearance.   You had an astonishing 1526 career tackles. You were invited to the Pro Bowl (the best of the best game) 12 different times.   You acquired world-wide fame and a legion of fans.   You made millions of dollars.   By all accounts, people loved you and respected you.  You had 3 children who are left trying to pick up the pieces.  We all want to know why.   Why Junior?   Why end your life when most would have given theirs to have it?

It’s a question that haunts your mother.  It’s a question that every teammate and coach can’t find the answer to.   It’s a question that millions of young people need to have answered.  Sadly, you may be the only one who ever knows.   And your answer, as logical as it may seem to you, will NEVER make sense to your children.  Ever.

Did you have a dark secret to hide?  Did you do something you were ashamed of?   Was the money not enough?  Were you too famous?  Did your glamorous life lack purpose?

Whatever your reason – it’s not good enough.  Whatever your motivation, it isn’t acceptable.  There is NEVER a good reason to take your own life.   And for the benefit of those you left behind, I want to share 6 reasons why suicide is never the answer.

  1. Though it was your life, it wasn’t yours to take.   God is the Author of Life and you do not have the right or moral authority to snuff it out.   Though He allowed you to die, it wasn’t His perfect plan for your life.
  2. Suicide is selfish.  It is the height of self centeredness.   Watching your mother grieve on national television is painful to watch.  The thought of mourning the death of a child is an unbearable torment for any parent.   Unfortunately, you don’t have to see it.  We do and we feel her pain caused by your moment of selfishness.
  3. Suicide is cowardly.   Every Sunday afternoon for 20 years, you were recognized for your toughness.  On Tuesday, you revealed your cowardice.   What was so painful that you couldn’t tackle it?  What was so wrong in your life that you felt the only solution was to run away, permanently?
  4. Suicide is a bad example.  We all have problems.  We all make mistakes.  We all have regret.  We all have hurt others in our past.   We all want a “do over” or the ability to go back and make some changes.   A lot of people looked up to you as a role model and you just taught your “students” how you coped with life’s biggest problems.   You didn’t.
  5. Suicide denies you the ability to see the next chapter.  In your long athletic career, surely you have been part of a game where your team came back from behind to win.  Without a doubt, you have had a coach or two give the speech at half-time that said something like, “Never give up.  It is not over.  We still have a chance.  We can overcome this obstacle.  As a team, we can defeat this opponent.  We can change the score.  We can come back from this disgraceful performance and rise again.  We will do better next time, etc.”   Not giving up is the badge of the true athlete.  It is the mark of a true competitor.  It is the anthem of every warrior.  You were that athlete.  You were that  competitor.  What happened?  Now the game is really over.  There is no 4th quarter miracle.  No hail Mary can change this outcome.  There is no extra time and there are no “repeat first downs.”   You chose a permanent solution to a temporary problem.   Your last chapter is now complete.  Is this really how you wanted to end your book?
  6. Suicide robs God of doing what He does best; forgiving sins and redeeming lives.   Since we do not know your reason why, we can only speculate.   You were obviously living with some demons that you didn’t know how to shake.  For whatever reason – you thought you were better off dead, than alive.  Had you known God better or trusted Him more – you would still be here.  He gives strength when we are weak.  He gives hope when we are hopeless.  He gives help when we are helpless.  He isn’t a crutch for weak people to use.  He is THE stretcher for all people.   And all He needs to hear is, “Help!”   Psalm 121:1-2 says it best, “Where does my help come from?  My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.”  If He can make heaven and earth – He can fix your problems.

I have not walked in your shoes to understand your pain.  I do know I have my own pain, my own regrets, my own demons.   I have had my moments of feeling the slithering breath of the devil whispering in my ear – telling me to end my life.   I have made lots of mistakes.  I have done terrible things I deeply regret.  I have thought, at different times, that it might be easier to just end it now.   But I haven’t quit.   I won’t quit.   And why?  Because…

  • It’s not my life to take.
  • It’s a selfish option.
  • It is a cowardly action.
  • It is the ultimate bad example.
  • It would prevent me from seeing the next chapter in my life.  I want to see God “restore what the locusts have eaten.” (Joel 2:25)
  • It would prevent God from showing the world what He can do with a broken Rod.

Goodbye Junior.  I hope that God will somehow use your death to encourage others to live on – in spite of their problems.

The Jesus Rider

rodarters

When you invite a guest speaker or band to “perform” at one of your events, the invited person/party usually has a “rider” (list of do’s and don’ts that must be adhered to) that needs to be read and signed before they will agree to participate.

Many of these speakers, artists and musicians have riders that are completely outrageous.  Here are some examples of “ridiculous riders” that have been recorded.  Among other requests, these artists also required:

  • Van Halen, demanded that all brown M&M’s be removed from the group’s candy bowl.
  • Beyoncé demands her dressing room be kept at exactly 78 degrees.
  • Adele requires 6 metal teaspoons in her dressing room while banning organic honey.
  • Kanye’s rider asks for a barber’s chair, Carmex lip balm, and shower shoes.
  • Taylor Swift requires the following Starbucks drinks if she is arriving before 11 am:

    1 Grande ICED Caramel Latte w/ 2 sweet-n-lows
    1 Grande ICED Americano w/ 2 sweet-n-lows with soy milk

  • Comedian Will Farrell’s rider includes 1 Electric three wheel mobility scooter and 1 rainbow (can be painted on canvas) on wheels.

This led me to wonder what it would be like if Jesus, the Son of God, had a “rider.”   The following list might be on Jesus’ rider:

    1. Must have a 12 ounce glass of water at the podium. I promise not to change it to wine during My talk.
    2. Must have at least 5,000 in attendance at each event. Do not expect Me to feed them!
    3. Must keep all children away from Me while I am “on stage”. I cannot have them bothering Me when I am trying to speak or heal people.
    4. When I am taking a nap… I am taking a nap! Do not let any of your people wake Me up for some reason like bad weather, sinking ships, etc.
    5. I want five people praying for Me as I speak. Please make sure that none of the five are part of Peter’s Narcoleptic Support Group.
    6. In spite of my Omnipresence, the sponsor shall provide transportation to and from the town where I will be speaking.
    7. Because of recent “problems,” I do not travel with Rent-A-Donkey so please do not book Me there.
    8. If I am expected to walk across a lake to an engagement it is assumed that the sponsor will clearly mark where the stones are for Me to do so with ease.
    9. Please provide sufficient “security” so that no one may get close enough to touch My cloak.
    10. Please do not have a spotlight shining in My eyes. I am the Light of the world. I do not need your sorry light.
    11. Do not worry about bringing a sound system. I have a tendency to speak loud enough so ALL people can hear Me.
    12. When delivering the expected honorarium, please DO NOT give the money to Judas.  Yes, I am serious.
    13. If I happen to give a parable during My talk, I am only going to explain it once. If the audience still does not get it they are more than welcome to buy My cliff notes which can be found in the back at My concession stand.
    14. I expect that My concessions “stand” will not be placed in the temple. I hate overturning My own tables.
    15. My Father will not let Me sign autographs in anyone’s Bible.
    16. I refuse to do any Bob Marley impersonations.
    17. I understand that my opening act of raising the dead is powerful but please let your audience know (in advance) that Elvis cannot be raised. He is not dead anyway. He lives in Iowa. Shhh.
    18. Due to My contract with Zondervan Publishing Company, I may not help any of you find Waldo.
    19. For an additional $300.00 shekels, I can guarantee you the weather you want.
    20. When I enter town, I expect to stay at a four star (****) Hotel.  Inn’s and stables are definitely out.
    21. When I give the closing prayer, if I see anyone peeking… they are in big trouble.
    22. When I give an altar call, normally everyone comes forward.
    23. At no point during the entire event may any musician or band play the following songs: (“Friends” by Michael W. Smith, “Just as I am” or “Kum by Yah”)
    24. During the Q&A time, I refuse to answer the following questions:
        “How much would could a wood chuck chuck—blah blah blah!”
        “Did Adam and Eve have belly buttons?”
        “Can your Dad make a rock too big for Him to lift?”
        “Are you republican or a democrat?”
        “Where is Noah’s Ark?”
        “Where was Obama born?”

 

The Chihuahua siren

rodarters

I love most dogs and cats… from a distance.   I enjoy their company as long as I don’t have to feed them regularly or pick up their “droppings.”   I enjoy an occasional petting or game of fetch but other than that – I’m good.  My schedule doesn’t allow me to be a good owner anyway.   At least that’s what I tell myself when those pathetic SPCA commercials come on TV, with the sad music, telling me I should save the cutest little puppy ever from certain doom.   If it wasn’t for the remote control, I’d own 400 of them by now and be a reoccurring star on Animal Hoarders.

The most annoying dog of all, to me, is the Chihuahua.   I don’t find them attractive, snuggly, obedient or quiet.   But, today, I realized their importance.   The picture (below) is a home less than 1 mile from me.   I drove by it today and now realize what those sirens were about in the middle of the night.   Seeing my neighbor’s home destroyed like that is a humbling experience.  Someone lived there.  Someone had breakfast there.  Someone slept there.   Someone mowed that grass.  Kids were raised there.   It had photo albums and souvenirs from previous vacations and memories, tons of memories.   Every wall had a story.  Every window had a view.   Everything, now, is gone.

At 2:30am, the homeowners were sleeping when that annoying, ugly Chihuahua of theirs began to bark.  When he wouldn’t stop – the homeowners went to inspect.  Apparently the door to their garage was hot.   In less than 3 minutes, the house was engulphed in flames and it would take over an hour for the fire department to control the blaze.   They managed to get everyone out (including the dog) and lost everything but their lives.   In the end, that’s the only thing that really matters.

I may not live in my dream house, but at least I have a place to go to tonight.  I may not have been on the best vacations ever – but at least I have pictures to show.  I may not drive the most reliable car but I can get in mine today and drive somewhere.   All in all, I’m feeling grateful.  Grateful that my neighbor is alive.  Grateful that they owned a dog, even if it is ugly and loud.   Grateful for the firefighters who risk their lives to save others.  Grateful that it wasn’t me.

I think the next time I hear some sirens or even a Chihuahua barking incessently, I’ll say a quick prayer.   It will remind me to be grateful for my many blessings.  I’m still changing the channel on the TV when I see the “save the dog” commercials.  I’d rather be in Heaven then listen to that barking all day.