Author: rodarters

I’ve fallen and can’t get up…

rodarters

As I write this, I have two friends of mine who are spending the night in a hospital.   Shannon is in critical condition in an I.C.U. unit in Asheville, NC after suffering a severe head trauma from a motorcycle accident.  Jason is awaiting an M.R.I. on his broken vertebrae (T-12) after a freak trampoline accident with his kids.  Though both are suffering different injuries from unrelated accidents, they have several things in common:

  • Both are amazing people.
  • Both are married with children.
  • Both are heavily involved in Christian ministry.
  • Both have a LONG road to recovery.
  • Both will need a lot of support to heal.
  • Both are dealing with self-inflicted wounds.   In other words, both are where they are tonight because they chose to participate in risky activities.  (I’m not suggesting they shouldn’t have been doing what they were doing, but merely pointing out that motorcycles and trampolines tend to be dangerous and unforgiving.)

As I sat in Jason’s room tonight, he was telling me about all the people who visited him today.  While I was there, two more people showed up.  It doesn’t surprise me.  He’s a wonderful man with a great sense of humor, godly character and a shepherd’s heart.  Everyone loves him.

When I visit Shannon’s Facebook page, I cannot believe all the comments.  Literally hundreds of people from all over the country – all day long – every few minutes – leaving their well-wishes and prayers.   Since no one can visit her right now – online comments seem to be their only connection to Shannon at the moment.  Only a remarkable person with a huge heart for others could receive such an endless thread of support.

As I watch both of my friends hurting & struggling right now – I also see the Church (with a capital “C”) come running to their aid.  It’s beautiful to witness.  People are watching their children so spouses can practice the “sickness” & “for worse” part of their wedding vows.  Others are “praying without ceasing”.   Many from their respective churches are cooking meals, doing household chores, literally whatever they can to help both families recover and heal.   The Church was told by Christ to “love one another”.  It’s great to see that commandment lived out in such a practical way.

I have found that when someone is hurting physically, the church is quick to respond.  When a husband falls off a ladder at home, the church responds immediately with concerned phone calls and get well cards.  When a teenage girl is in a near fatal car accident, the church is there to support the parents and offer months of support throughout the long healing process.  When mothers are delivering babies, the church has weeks of food prepared for the husband and older children.  If someone is hospitalized with cancer – the church shows up, in droves, to love and support.   Even if the accident or incident was their fault or was a result of risk taking or stupidity – the Church overlooks the unfortunate mistake or foolish decision and simply loves.  Simply helps.  Simply serves without judgment.   As it should.

But here is what I find interesting.   When someone “falls” morally, the Church is in slow motion.   Lives are devastated every day by vices like adultery, anger, gambling, alcoholism, pornography and drugs and many times, when someone has fallen “morally”, the church is missing in action.  The man who cheated on his wife obviously made a horrific error in judgment, and he needs the church more than ever after that admission.  The woman who has just come out of the closet with her alcoholism needs help and support, not distance and gossip (otherwise known as “prayer requests” in the Church).  The gamblers and drug addicts and fornicators and pornographers need help to change their ways.  They need support and love and grace and time to heal and learn how to do things right.   Some people fall morally.  Others, like Jason & Shannon fall physically.  The Church should be there for both.

For some reason though, it’s easier to call someone who has fallen physically and ask, “What can I do for you?”.   It seems to be harder to ask someone who has just fallen morally the same question.  For those who fall physically, we have doctors and nurses and hospitals for them to go to.  But for those who fall morally, where can they go for help?   The Church should be that place, but too often too few are around to offer them any type of support.   When the physically sick enter the hospital, no one looks at them funny.  They are embraced immediately with compassion and by people whose training and desire is to see them get well.   And the physically sick RUN to the hospital because they know it is the one place where they can find healing and help and compassion and medicine.   They know they belong there.

Do you know why the morally sick do not run to the Church?  Because they don’t feel it’s a safe place.  There are few there who are trained to handle their issues.  There are even less there that want to.  Sinners, many times, do not feel the Church’s embrace or see enough compassionate Christians interested in helping them become whole.   For the most part, they are right.  The hookers and strippers and bikers and druggies and adulterers and pornographers and thieves can’t walk into most Churches without feeling even more judgment on them.  The sinful choices they have committed in the past are a heavy burden on them and many don’t know how to stop carrying it.   Not much has changed in the 2,000 years since Christ walked the earth.  The sinners back then were known as prostitutes and tax collectors and they dared not enter the Temple.  They simply were not worthy and the Church leaders (Pharisees) reminded them often of that.  That is why they chased Jesus around Galilee.  For the first time, they found Love and Compassion and Grace, in human form.  In the Person of Christ they found both Help and Hope.

That is what makes the story in John chapter 8 so powerful.   A woman “caught in the very act of adultery” was brought before Jesus and was asked what should be done with her.   Instead of helping her find healing, the Church (aka Pharisees) were quick to point out her faults.  They literally drug her into the town square and publicly humiliated her.  Ah, the devastating power of gossip.  Everyone desired to give her exactly what she deserved – a judgemental stoning.  The Pharisees (aka the Church) had set a trap for Christ.  If Jesus agreed to stone her, He would be violating Roman law since the Jews were not allowed to carry out such a punishment.  If He agreed to let her go unpunished, He would be violating Jewish law which required her to be stoned for her sin.  How would Jesus handle such a sinner?  Famously, He said to the group, “He who is without sin among you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.”  He did not condone her sin but He also did not condemn her either – though He alone could.  The heart of God overflows with compassion for people who recognize their wrong.  He did not stone her, but instead saved her.  He could have given her hell.  Instead, He gave her help.   Did she deserve it?  No.  But neither do you.  Isn’t that the point of grace?   Grace is for sinners.**  It is designed for those who don’t deserve it.

Everyone who falls needs help getting back up.   And if the church only helps those who fall physically, then how are they any different than a hospital or the Red Cross?   The Church is at first to be a spiritual hospital.  That is what Jesus was talking about in Mark 2:17 when He said, “It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick: I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”  We must be a people who are equipped to help sinners – those who have fallen morally, emotionally and spiritually.  Anyone can put a band-aid on a body.  We must become people who learn how to help bring healing to a troubled soul.

Who has fallen in your midst and could really use a friend right now?   Who do you know that has made some poor decisions in the past and needs help getting back on their feet?  If you have never reached out to them, do so today.  Call them.  Email them.  Take them to lunch.  Be a friend and offer to help.  If you have never inquired as to how you can help them, ask yourself why.   The answer may reveal more about you than you care to admit.

And remember… at one point – you were fallen too.

“For while we were still helpless, at the right time Christ died for the ungodly…But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:6,8

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* “Grace is for sinners” is also the name of a powerful book written by Serena Woods, one of my Facebook friends.  Look her up on Facebook or her website (www.graceisforsinners.com) for more information.

The bedtime routine

rodarters
My bedtime routine with my son, Andrew – pictured here at age 3.

When I was ten years old, my sisters were born.   Yes, sisters.  Twins to be exact.   Identical.  Well, technically fraternal but to a ten-year old boy, baby girls all looked the same to me.   I certainly couldn’t tell them apart.  Apparently the nurses couldn’t either since they had some sort of tag on their ankle with their name on it.  I was relieved to learn it was merely a name tag.  For a brief moment I thought they may have committed a heinous crime in the womb.  To complicate the issue – my parents decided that giving them rhyming names would be a good idea.  Christina & Bettina.   Who rhymes their children’s names?   They looked alike.  They had matching ankle bracelets.  And now their names sound alike.

When they came home from the hospital, I learned a few things about babies.  For starters, they cry a lot.  They also eat all the time.   And time means nothing to them.   Unfortunately for me, I learned all of these lessons about babies – at the same time every night – around 3am.   Unable to sleep and seeing my Mom struggle with two babies at the same time – I decided to help with the middle of the night feeding.  Armed with a bottle, a blanket and a rocking chair – I learned how to bottle feed a baby.  I’m pretty sure I was the only ten-year old boy doing this.   It is certainly not how I thought I would spend my 5th & 6th grade year.   The truth is, I enjoyed the time with my Mom and bonding with my sisters in this way.   It also laid the foundation to the beginnings of a bedtime routine.

As they got older and were able to communicate in something other than a cry, they would often ask if I would “put them to bed.”  In other words, tuck them in, read them a bedtime story, sing a song.    I’m pretty sure I was the only 14-year-old boy doing this.   The tucking in and reading part was easy.   They had 2 or 3 books they wanted me to read and I would read them with animated enthusiasm.  When it came to the song to sing – I balked.  For one, I didn’t like to sing – especially in “public.”  Secondly, I didn’t know any songs that were appropriate to sing to little girls.   For weeks I would merely tuck them in and read.  Every night they would ask for a song and every night I had to decline since my taste in music at the time was hardly appropriate for me, let alone 4-year-old girls.  Besides, something told me that singing “No sleep till Brooklyn” by the Beastie Boys was not what they had in mind.

Finally, it hit me.  I did know a song that fit the bedtime criteria, mainly one where I knew all the words and it wasn’t inappropriate rap.  So, the next night, I tried it out on my eager audience.  Surprisingly, it was a hit and from that night on – for as long as I tucked my sisters in – I sang this familiar song by Kenny Rogers:

  • “On a warm summer’s eve, on a train bound for nowhere
  • I met up with the Gambler, we were both too tired to sleep. 
  • So, we took turns a staring out the window in the darkness
  • till boredom overtook us, he began to speak…”

For the sake of time and blog space, I’ll let you finish the song in your head.  Granted, it is the weirdest bedtime lullaby one could sing to small children.  But for me, it worked and my audience was happy.

Years later, we joke about it at family gatherings.  To this day, when that song is played on the radio or mentioned, we think back to that precious time with fond memories.  If Kenny Rogers only knew…

Now that I have kids of my own who are at various stages of the bedtime routine, I’m glad Kenny Rogers isn’t a part of it.  I’d like to think I matured a bit and offer my children more than what my sisters were given.  Books were always a part of the bedtime routine.  My song selection has gone from country to Christian in genre.  And we always say our prayers.

The other night, my six-year-old asked if I would put him to bed.  That means we read  1-2 books, say our prayers and I sing him a song or two.  His song request that night was, “God will make a way”.   In light of my tumultuous life over the last three  years, it was a good reminder to me:

  • “God will make a way were there seems to be no way
  • He works in ways we cannot see – He will make a way for me.
  • He will be my guide – hold me closely to His side
  • With love and strength for each new day – He will make a way.
  • God will make a way.”

A simple song reminding us that God can do something positive out of the mistakes we often make in the course of a day.   Sorry Kenny, but it seems to be a much better way to end a child’s day than card gambling tips such as “knowing when to hold em and fold em, knowing when to walk away – knowing when to run.”

Goodnight y’all.    Enjoy your bedtime routine…

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6/2/2012: I read this funny, oh-so-true blog about bedtime routines and thought it deserved a mention here: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/putting-kids-to-bed_b_1536221.html

The “in home” sales guy…

rodarters

As an “in home” salesman, I come across all different types of people on a daily basis.  Unlike a traditional store owner that has to wait for someone to walk in his door each day, I have the distinct privilege of being invited into a customer’s home to discuss our products or services.  You just never know what you’re going to see on the other side of that door.  Unlike a friend, you really get to see how people live.  For friends, we clean up and vacuum.  We will dust and put away laundry.  We will wipe  down counters and bring out the cleaning supplies.  After all, we don’t want our friends to discover that we are really disgusting slobs.

But for a sales guy, homeowners don’t spend a lot of time cleaning up for us.  I can’t tell you the number of homes I go in where the homeowner (usually the woman) will apologize for the amount of dust and how busy she was this week.  I always love that excuse.  Sure, we are all busy – I get that.   And I understand that dusting is lower on the priority list.  But that excuse always comes from the woman whose home should be condemned.  I’m always very gracious in the home even though I want to say, “Good grief lady!  How can you live like this??  Where is your dust mask??”  I would never say something like that.  Again.  The truth is, three years of dust does not accumulate because your schedule was busy this week.

I estimate that in the last five years I have been in over 5,000 homes.  Averaging at least three house calls a day, I have literally seen it all.

  • I have been accosted by an overly friendly Saint Bernard the size of Marmaduke.
  • I have been bit by a “friendly” pit bull.
  • I have been hugged by children who just met me.
  • I have been offered jobs.
  • I have been “hit on” by single women and propositioned by gay men.
  • I have seen rooms filled from floor to ceiling with junk.
  • I have been in the homes of hoarders.
  • Once I walked by a parrot’s cage and it grabbed my shirt and wouldn’t let go.
  • Another time a parrot landed on me during my presentation.  (I still made the sale!)
  • Several times I have been “trapped” at a customer’s home because of bad weather.
  • Once I was trapped by an incessant talker.
  • Some homes have had such a pungent smell that I literally gagged as I entered.
  • One customer had so many clothes on the floor in her foyer that I could barely enter without stepping on something.   Humorously, she told me she ran out of hangers.
  • I have met eccentric collectors.  One couple had collected over 400 PEZ dispensers and prominently displayed them in their kitchen.  Another man collected exotic carousel horses.   These gigantic horses were all over his house and imported from all over the world.
  • I had one lady break down and cry in the middle of my presentation as she told me about her difficult life.  Um, awkwaaard!   How do you transition from that??   “So, anyway – our flux capacitor will solve all your severe emotional problems too.”
  • Another woman answered the door totally drunk.
  • Speaking of which, I have been offered a beer on more than one occasion.  As a general rule of thumb, if you can’t drink at your job – we can’t drink on ours.  🙂
  • One woman had full-blown Alzheimer’s.
  • The most shocking was the minister who had forgotten about our appointment.   He answered the door in just a pair of boxers.  Needless to say, I was grateful for his modern-day loincloth.

Over the years, I have discovered that many homeowners believe some “myths” about “in-home” salesmen.  Here are the most common:

  1. Every sales man is a liar.  Granted, a few tainted apples can spoil the bunch but most of us want to make an honest living, earning an honest dollar.  Do not assume just because someone is in sales that they are willing to do or say anything to get the sale.  We tell you what we are supposed to tell you and for most of us, it’s legit.  Snake oil does cure cancer!  It says so on the bottle.   Jeez.
  2. Salesmen are greedy and just want my money.   Granted, many of us are motivated by money but before you climb into your pulpit, so are you.   Why do you work?  For money so you can pay your bills and take care of your family.  We are no different.   Yes, of course we want your business.  But for most of us, we also like the satisfaction we receive of helping you get what you need/want in the process.  Many of us really do want to help improve your life with our products or services.  In exchange, you can help improve ours with some green paper.
  3. We are paid a salary.   What most people do not realize is how “in-home” salesmen get paid.  Many of us are not salaried employees.  We have no guaranteed income.  We travelled to you on our own dime and many of us travelled a good distance to get there.  As an “independent contractor”, we invest 1-2 hours with a customer on our own time with no guarantee of a sale.  Many many days we feel like a volunteer.
  4. We get paid per appointment we run.   Most “in-home” salesmen are paid 100% commission which means that we only make money if you buy something WHILE WE ARE WITH YOU.
  5. All salesmen use high pressure tactics.   Yes, there are some salesmen that are former mafia types that “make you an offer you can’t refuse.”   And sadly, they do not take no for an answer.   But many of us are not wired that way.  Statistically, we have found that if the homeowner does not make a decision in the home while we are with them, they rarely buy later.  This is one reason why we put some “pressure” on you while we are there.  Look at it from our perspective.  YOU called our company and made the appointment.  YOU wanted to learn more about our product or service.  YOU have a definite need/want for what we have.   WE have just given you an hour (or more) of OUR time and expertise FOR FREE.   And WE are held accountable for the result of YOUR appointment with our company.   Every appointment we run is compared against our total sales for the month.   When we are with you and you do not buy – you cost us much more than just our time/gasoline.  You hurt our overall sales percentage which, in turn, affects our income.  Most of us do not put the pressure on you that is placed on us.   HINT: One way to avoid any pressure is to get out your checkbook immediately after our presentation.  🙂

So, on behalf of my “in-home” sales compadres all over the world – may I suggest the following:

  • Do not call our companies to make an appointment unless you are seriously investigating your options.  If you are just curious and window shopping with no intention of making a decision to do this project in the next few weeks, go to google and get your answers there.
  • Only make an appointment if you actually own the house.   You would be surprised at how many phone calls we get from the renters – the people who are not authorized to make major purchasing decisions on a home they don’t own.
  • Have all interested homeowners available when we come.  If you are married, make sure your spouse can attend the appointment.  If you co-own the house with siblings, make sure they can all be there.  There is nothing more frustrating than spending an hour or more OF OUR TIME to discover that you can’t make a decision.  While you were wasting our time, we could have been in another home actually making a sale and supporting our families.
  • Give us time.   Depending on the industry and what we are selling, it takes time to check out your house.  It takes time to measure and take pictures.  It takes time for the small talk.  It takes time to show you our products and explain our services and answer your questions.   Ask the appointment setter on the phone  exactly how much time we will need and then add 30 minutes.
  • Be prepared to make a decision while we are with you.  This is important for 2 reasons.   First, if you don’t decide now – you will not decide later.  You know you want whatever we have.  You know you need it.   Just bite the bullet and get it done.  Secondly, it is in your best interest to do so on the day we arrive.  For customers that decide “today,” we are often in a position to give you the best deal possible.  If the salesman has to come back out to a home to close the deal on another day, that means he cannot be somewhere else making a new sale.  To maximize our time and company resources, we are usually willing to reward you with a discount for simply saying “Yes!” today.
  • Ask for a better price.  The first price offered, though fair, is often not the best price we are allowed to give.  Don’t feel bad about asking for a lower price or adding services to the package.  Most of us who are honest will do whatever we can to help you get what you want at the price you can afford.   We are often willing to give you a MAJOR discount on the spot.  We know if you don’t bite now at the slashed price – you will never bite later when the price goes back up.
  • Be prepared to give a “down payment” of at least 20%.   We ask for this for two primary reasons.  First, it locks in the price that is offered in the home.  Secondly, it is considered a “good faith” deposit and shows us that you are truly serious about moving forward.  When a customer has some “skin in the game,” we find they are more serious about their decision.

Oh.. and one last thing… clean your house and put your dogs away.  We are tired of sitting at your sticky dining room table being licked by Spot.

See you soon!   🙂

What leftovers teach us about ourselves

rodarters

My friend and I took my 6-year-old to the local community carnival yesterday afternoon.  It was a beautiful day, it was down the road, and it had every component of fun: being together, carnival rides, pony rides, petting zoo, face painting, bouncy house, rednecks to watch, free admission, etc.   We had a wonderful time together.   After two hours of standing in lines, riding rides, walking around – I could tell that my son was thirsty.  Really thirsty.   Besides water, I know of no better thirst quencher than Rita’s water ice – a favorite of mine for years since Rita’s began near my home town in Philadelphia, PA.

Since he is unemployed at the moment, I treated him to his favorite flavor, Green Apple.   Moments after the order, our conversation went something like this:

  • Me: “Hey buddy.  How is it?”
  • Him: “Greeeeat!” (said with the same enthusiasm as Tony the Tiger)
  • Me: “Can I have a little taste?”
  • Him: “Um, no thank you.”
  • Me: “Why not?  (There is no reply.  Just a constant shoveling of water ice in his mouth.)
  • Me: “Come on, just one bite.  It looks so good.”
  • Him: “It’s great.  If you wanted one, you should have bought one.”, he says smiling.
  • Me: “I did buy one.  I thought we could share, that’s why I got a medium size!”
  • Him: “Dad, come on – it’s sooo good.   If I have any left at the end, you can have some.”
  • Me: “Gee thanks”, I say with a smirk.
  • Me: “Can I hold your water ice while you go on the next ride?”
  • Him: “Nice try, Dad.”

The truth is, I didn’t really want a taste.  I was thrilled that he was happy and satisfied.  I bought the whole thing for him and just wanted to see his reaction to my question.   As we drove home, I pondered his stingy-ness.  Without me, he wouldn’t even have that water ice.  I don’t think he was pondering anything but water ice and how to keep it out of my reach.

Here is what I realized – painful as it is to admit:

Like most negative traits in a child’s life, they learned it from a parent.  But which one??   Since his mom is more generous than I am, I knew this one was my fault.  But, (I began to rationalize) when do they not see me share?   I feel like I share everything with everyone.  I don’t feel stingy in my heart.   I’m quick to offer what I have to anyone who needs it, especially my children.  Feeling pretty good about my track record of sharing, I had a silent conviction come over me.

  • God: “You don’t share with Me.”
  • Me: “When do I not… nevermind.”

I found myself mentally arguing with God.  I have come to learn this is a futile exercise.  I always lose this discussion as I realize His mountain of evidence against me is a rather quick and embarrassing checkmate.

In every area of my life, God provides for my daily needs and I often refuse to give Him a taste in return.   I’m too interested enjoying the refreshment of His blessing while He wants me to simply acknowledge the Blesser.   I do share well with others – just not Him.  When God provides me with the strength/ability to produce a paycheck, all He asks for is 10% in return.  God doesn’t need my money.  He knows I need to give it.  God doesn’t care that I own the money – He wants to make sure the money doesn’t own me.  And even if I were to consistently tithe my income (give 10% back to the church, charity, etc), He reminded me that I don’t share enough of me with Him.

In the ten minute ride home – God reminded me of my love for my kids.   It wasn’t audible but the impression on my heart was clear:

“Rod, you love being with your kids.  You love hearing their voice, hearing their stories. You love the late night talks, I provide.  You love walking with  them, playing with them.  You love their questions.  You love their thought process.  You love hearing about their joys and helping them through their pains.  You love when they need your help.  You love when they want to sit next to you or hold your hand.  You love watching them while they sleep and watching them as they play.  And as you love all this with them, I love doing all that with you.  You may not withhold certain things from Me, but you often withhold your heart.”

Checkmate.

God wants me to share life with Him, the good and the bad.  The fun and the difficult. And too often, I’m only willing to give Him “whatever is left at the end.”   Like my son’s water ice, there is usually nothing left over at the end.

Rita’s reminded me of something yesterday.   This is why God asks for our first-fruits.  And when we give Him our leftovers – it reveals more about us than we would care to admit.

As we pulled into the driveway, I hear this sweet little voice from the back seat, “Here you go, Daddy“.   Was my son actually going to share with me???    Disappointedly, my son was handing me his empty Rita’s cup and spoon.   He was handing me his trash.

I got the lesson.   First fruits.  No leftovers.  No trash.

“Honor the LORD with your wealth, with the first fruits of ALL your crops..” – Proverbs 3:9  (emphasis mine)

Freeze! Drop that bagel!

rodarters

Every morning I drive my kindergarten age son to school.  Every morning we park  down the street next to 20 other cars and take the short walk into the school, down the hallway to his classroom.  Though I could drop him off in the car line, he prefers the escort and I prefer the company.   Recognizing that life is short and children will not always want their parents around, I enjoy our morning routine.

Every morning, as we walk to the school – we pass by the friendly police officer who stands on the corner making sure none of us is run over by a sleepy driver.   We arrive at the same time, we park in the same place, we nod hello to the same parents.   This scenario is so predictable it is as if we are living out a scene from the movie Groundhog’s Day.

So, you can imagine my surprise when yesterday my son refused to get out of the car.   Running a few minutes behind schedule, he was eating his bagel in the car and had not finished yet.   The conversation went something like this:

  • Me: “Let’s go buddy.  You are going to be late.”
  • Son: “I can’t daddy.  I’m not finished my bagel yet.”
  • Me: “Eat and walk.  You’ll be done before you get to your classroom.”
  • Son: “I can’t, Dad.  The police officer is there.”
  • Me: “The police officer?   So what?”
  • Son: “Dad, you know you can’t eat on the street.  We’ll get in trouble.”

You can’t eat on the street?  I was not familiar with that rule.  Perhaps that law was passed in the middle of the night and I had not gotten word of it yet?   Perhaps there was a crumb ordinance concerning the sidewalk around his school that I was not aware of?  Maybe the police officer had a bad experience with a bagel once?   I could insert a donut joke here, but I respect their position too much.

After a solid five minutes of reasoning, pleading, begging, bribing, negotiating, threatening my son to get out of the car with his bagel – we began our walk to his classroom.    As we got closer to the police officer, my son made sure I was inbetween him and the law.   He also made sure his half eaten bagel was on his far side, out of view.  I couldn’t figure out why he couldn’t have food around the officer.   I had never seen him so nervous while being so innocent.  He was acting like a drug mule crossing the border of Mexico, except the drug was a plain bagel and the border was an elementary school.  I almost wanted to apply for a concealed bagels permit or something for him, to ease his little mind.

We successfully made it past the cop and he finished his bagel and was safely in his classroom.  As I walked past the officer, I smiled – as if I pulled a fast one on him.  I wondered if his trained eye had even seen the bagel.   I laughed as I drove home, wondering what had just happened.  I imagined him telling his classmates an embellished story of how he smuggled a bagel through the no-bagel zone and eluded capture.  Maybe that was my son’s initiation into a nefarious kindergarten school gang?

The whole situation caused me to reflect on how different we all are.   There are those (like my son) who have such a pure heart and conscience that even when they are doing nothing wrong, they feel guilty.   There are others (like me) who could steal candy from a baby and not even think twice about the action.  Babies shouldn’t have candy anyway.

It reminded me of the scene in John chapter 1 when Jesus first met Nathanael.   Within moments of meeting him and gazing into his heart, Jesus declared, “Behold, an Israelite indeed, in whom there is no deceit!”   Jesus didn’t comment on his height.  He didn’t remark on his hair.  He didn’t compliment his robe or fashionable sandals.  He looked at the only thing that mattered, his heart, and saw its purity.

I want that kind of heart.   I want that kind of purity.  I want that kind of conscience.   My son is challenging me, while eating a bagel, to get it.   Until then, I’m going to try to sneak an omelette past the officer tomorrow and see what happens.

“Let us draw near (to God) with a sincere heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled clean from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.” – Hebrews 10:22

My children, My weapon

rodarters

Any soldier worth their weight in warfare would never dream of entering the battle without proper weaponry.  It would be foolish to have anyone on the frontlines of battle without sufficient “fire power”.  Think through all the war heroes of the past; Napolean, Washington, MacArthur, etc.  Now think of all the wars they won while hiding in their bunker.  Although defense is an important factor, wars are won when troops go on the offense.  We all understand this truth militaristically.  We even understand the analogy when we carry it over into the sports arena.  The team with the best offense is normally the winning team.  However, very few Christians seem to understand that this truth is applicable in regards to our culture.  I need not remind you that we are in the midst of a culture war.   Our actors, news anchors, musicians, politicians, editors, superintendents, co-workers and neighbors remind us continually.  The question for every Christian parent is “How engaged are you” in this cultural battle for truth and righteousness?   Are you in the fight?   Is your family anywhere near the frontlines?   Sadly, too many Christians (especially parents!) have developed a defensive posture in regards to the culture war.

Jesus was on the offensive.  Find a passage of Scripture where Jesus took a defensive posture.   Locate a verse where He cowered from a confrontational conversation with the Pharisees.  Show me a time where Jesus was timid, shy, quiet, apologetic or “tolerant” of anti-Biblical ideas and opinions.  He appropriately challenged His family (Luke 2:41-52).   He was not afraid to rebuke even His closest friends (Matthew 16:21-23). He consistently stood up to the “preachers” of His day (Matthew 23:1-39).  He defended the integrity of His church with zeal (Matthew 21:12-13).  He did not fear man even if that man had the “authority” to “take” His life (John 19:8-11).   And yet, in all of His boldness, Jesus modeled for us how to assault the culture without sinning in the process (Hebrews 4:15).  Jesus was an appropriately offensive figure, are you?

One way that God commands every Christian parent to assault the culture is via their children.  In Psalm 127:4-5, we learn three important truths about this culture war we are in:

“Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.   How blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them; they will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate.”

Your children are arrows.  The purpose of an arrow is to defeat the enemy.  Arrows were never created to remain in the quiver.   They were also never meant to be dull.   A dull arrow is simply for appearance and arrows created for appearance only – never win wars.   It is my observation that most parents are more concerned about their arrow’s appearance than they are with their arrow’s sharpness.   Evaluate your weaponry.  What is the spiritual condition of your arrows?   If you have 3 in your quiver, how “sharp” are they?   Could you release them into the culture war with confidence that they would positively impact the culture for Christ?   If you are not able to fully release them yet (due to age), are you working diligently to sharpen them for the day they will be released?   If you think the Christian parent’s goal in life is simply to fill your quiver with no responsibility to sharpen the arrows entrusted in your care, you are not only sadly mistaken but have also done nothing to help the rest of us win this cultural battle.

You are a warrior.  “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior, so are the children of one’s youth.”  If the children are the arrows, then the parents are the warriors.  Do you see yourself as a warrior?  Do you act like one?   As a warrior for Christ, what role are you playing in this culture war?   Does the culture of your workplace, local school district, community or city know that if they violate God’s standard, then they are going to have to answer to God’s warrior in these matters?  The culture wages war every day and very few Christian warriors do anything about it.

Sharpened arrows fly with confidence.  “…they will not be ashamed when they speak with their enemies in the gate.”   When you become the warrior God calls you to be and when you (in the power of the Holy Spirit) do all you can to sharpen (equip) them for this cultural battle, the result is confidence.   A sharp arrow released by a true warrior flies with confidence.   A dull arrow released by a coward barely gets off the ground.  Part of the reason Christianity in America is limping today is because too many Christians apologize for their faith instead of defending it.   You try to storm the banks of Normandy with a water gun.   You attempt to defend Fort Sumter with a rubber bullet.  When Christian parents inadequately equip their children to be the arrows that God desires for them to be, we all lose ground.

How sharp are your arrows, warrior?   Could you release them, even today, with confidence that they would make a difference for Christ?

Holy Kiss

rodarters

If you have read the Epistles (letters in the New Testament written by the Apostle Paul), you will find 4 similar verses in 4 different letters:

  • Romans 16:16 – Greet one another with a holy kiss.
  • 1 Corinthians 16:20 – Greet one another with a holy kiss.
  • 2 Corinthians 13:12 – Greet one another with a holy kiss.
  • 1 Thessalonians 5:26 – Greet all the brothers with a holy kiss.

What is this holy kiss anyway? Is this a kissing someone in church? Kissing while holding a Bible? Praying while you kiss? Kissing while you pray? What exactly makes it holy?

Greeting one another with a holy kiss is foreign to us because we are generally not a kissing people.  I mean we kiss our spouses or children or parents or our Italian Uncle or our cousins (That was for my Southern friends).  But for the most part, we don’t usually “pucker up” for our greetings.

So, as this might sound strange to us, Luke 7:40-48 shows how common a greeting a kiss was back in the first century.

“Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, “Do you see this woman? I came into your house.  You did not give me any water for my feet, but she wet my feet with her tears and wiped them with her hair. You did not give me a kiss, but this woman, from the time I entered, has not stopped kissing my feet.  You did not put oil on my head, but she has poured perfume on my feet. Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven—as her great love has shown. But whoever has been forgiven little loves little.”

As you can see, Jesus rebukes Simon (a member of the leading religious organization called the Pharisees) for not greeting Him with a kiss when He entered his home. From what we know about Jewish culture, the kiss would have been delivered on one or both cheeks. We see this again in Luke 22:47-48 when Judas betrayed Jesus with a kiss.  Even today, in that culture – most everyone still greets with a kiss.

So, what do we do with these verses today? If you have never greeted anyone with a holy kiss, have you been sinning?  Yes. I mean, No. I don’t know! Here is what we should take from it.

  1. Greet other believers! I know it sounds elementary but we should make sure we are greeting other believers every opportunity we get. What does it communicate to a non-believing world when they see us greet other believers of different churches, denominations and colors? Though we are different and diverse, our bond is in Christ and that unity just baffles a non-believing world.
  2. Greet your enemies! Jesus makes it clear, “If you greet only your brothers, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? (Matthew 5:47). What does it communicate to your enemies when you greet them, in spite of how they treat you? When you ignore those who persecute you or withhold your greeting from those who bother you, your actions become Gentile-ish, in the eyes of God. Remember, knowing that Judas was about to betray Him unto death, Jesus greeted Judas and allowed a kiss from the ultimate betrayer.
  3. Greet appropriately. If an older person enters the room, respect for their age should cause you to rise to greet them (Leviticus 19:32). While you are greeting, you should always maintain eye contact and smile alot. The use of titles (such as “Mr.¨ or “Mrs.¨ or “Sir¨ and “Ma’am¨ are always appropriate, particularly with those older than you.  The woman’s kiss (in the passage above) was appropriate given Whom she was kissing.
  4. Greet affectionately. If you know the person well (family, close friend, etc) greet them with a holy kiss on the cheek. When they ask what you are doing, simply say “Romans 16:16 baby!¨ and make them wonder what kind of verse that is!   If you know the person more casually, greet them with a holy hug or holy handshake or a holy high five.  If the person is a true enemy, perhaps you should toss them a holy hand grenade.  If you don’t have one, a warm greeting will do.

Regardless of how you greet, be sure that you do.

After all, who wants to disobey the kissing verse?

He also made what ???

rodarters
The Redeemer statue in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

Once a month we have the privilege of witnessing a full moon.  But one day of the year  (this year it was May 6th) – the moon becomes a “supermoon”, the largest full moon of the year.     The moon approached within 222,000 miles of the Earth in what is scientfically known as a perigee-syzgy of the Earth-Moon-Sun system.

  • Perigee = closest point of an elliptical orbit
  • Syzygy = straight line made of three bodies in a gravitational system.

(Yes, I googled that.  No, I don’t want the jock bloggers to give me a whirly in the world wide web toilet bowl after class.)

I gaze at the moon often.  I marvel at it’s size.  Many a night I stop what I’m doing, walk outside and look at it next to its countless neighbors.   As I ponder the giant reflector, I think of how it came to be – spoken into existence by its Creator,

“Let there be lights in the vault of the sky to separate the day from the night, and let them serve as signs to mark sacred times, and days and years, and let them be lights in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth.” And it was so. God made two great lights—the greater light to govern the day and the lesser light to govern the night.  He also made the stars. God set them in the vault of the sky to give light on the earth, to govern the day and the night, and to separate light from darkness.” (Genesis 1:14-18)

Some interesting truths emerge:

  1. This is the second time in the first four days of creation that God created light.  It would appear that God is concerned this His creation is not in the dark, by day or by night.  (Interestingly, His Son would one day arrive to this spiritually dark planet and declare Himself the “Light of the world”.)
  2. Everything man has ever made, we created from existing material.  By contrast, God made “creatio ex nihilo” or “creation out of nothing.”  NO ONE else can do that.  That is just one of the many things that separates a true Creator from His creation.
  3. From God’s divine imagination, He not only created day & night, light and darkness but also instantly produced the framework of seasons and the boundary of time.
  4. “And it was so.”   There was no discussion. There was no hesitation.  There was no committee in Vatican City to decide if the idea would have enough votes to pass.  God thought it, spoke it and it was so.  Impressive execution.
  5. “He also made the stars.”   This is one of my favorite verses in all of Scripture.  God had just created the sun and the moon and the intense light that is emmitted (or reflected).   Immediately after this, we learn that “He also made the stars.”  As if God was adding a side dish to His culinary creation… “Oh yeah, by the way – I’m not sure if you noticed or not – but I also made the stars.”   Today, several thousands of years after the creation account was recorded, we have a tiny idea on just how many stars He made:

As of April 2006, we have discovered 9 stars (like the sun) in our galaxy (the Milky Way) and 185 orbiting other stars.  Beyond that, we know there are about 400 billion stars in our galaxy alone.  If each of them have the same number of planets (on average) as our own sun, then that’s about 4 trillion planets in our own galaxy alone.  Multiply that by an estimated 125 billion galaxies in the universe and you can see just how impressive that sentence is: “He made the stars also.”   Wow!

  • As if the sheer volume of stars is not impressive enough, God’s personal nature is revealed in Psalm 147:4 where it says that “He counts the number of the stars; He gives names to all of them”.  

Though the sun is essential and the stars are impressive, the moon is an absolutely brilliant idea.  I mean, how can He create an environment on the planet conducive to sleep (an essential need for us) and yet at the same time, allow us (and the rest of creation) the ability to safely work/eat/move around at night, when needed?   The moon is the perfect solution.  The giant nightlight provides the light we need, while maintaining the necessary degree of darkness without the presence of heat.   Absolutely brilliant.

Besides the light factor, it is also critical for 3 other reasons:

  1. Most importantly, it keeps the earth from noticeably wobbling.  Because the earth is tilted at 23 1/2 degrees, it would be very unstable unless the moon helped balance its axis of rotation.
  2. The moon creates tides that help many animals during their breeding cycles.
  3. The moon’s light at night allows animals to see so they can hunt for food and stay away from danger.

At the end of each day of creation, God sat back and looked over His work.  At the end of each day, He made the same observation, “And God saw that it was good.”

I’m glad He does good work.  It would be hard to write this blog (or do anything else) on a wobbly earth.

Parenting in the technological age

rodarters

(This was originally published in Columbia Living – “The Premier Lifestyle Magazine of Columbia South Carolina”, July/August 2011)

With every generation, raising children takes on new challenges never before seen by parents. Think about how parenting has changed through the ages. Before the invention of the light bulb, kids were “in” by dark. Now, they can stay out late and see all night. Before the automobile was invented, children had to walk or take the family horse. Now, they are able to travel hundreds of miles in just a few hours. Before the invention of television, kids were outside all the time. Now, there are enough channels in the basic cable package to entertain them 24 hours a day, literally. Before the invention of the internet, kids had to go to the library for hours to do research. Today, with a few clicks from home and they can find what they want in minutes. It used to be that parents had to set a geographical boundary and curfew for their children to obey. In this day and age, those boundaries are primarily online. “Don’t go past that landmark” has now been replaced with “Don’t go to that website”.

Like it or not, we are in the Zenith of the technological age and it seems that parenting has to morph just as rapidly as the technologies that are created. Just in the last 15 years, parents have had to address the following technological bombardments: MP3’s, iPods, YouTube, MySpace, Twitter, Facebook, Nook, Kindle, instant messaging, web cams, cell phones, texting, Xbox, DVR, TiVo, etc. To an older ear, some of those terms can bring confusion. To an “old-timer”, YouTube can sound like your toothpaste. Isn’t Kindle something you do to a fire? Should the trend continue parents will have to address and adapt to even more technology in order to stay current and communicate with their children. So, how do you do it? How does a parent stay informed, connected and even communicate with their children in such an age?

  • Get educated. Listen to your children and you will learn a lot. They will talk about the latest technology, how they use it or how they want to use it. Ask questions. Get online and “google” to find answers. Go to the store and talk to the employees. Knowledge is power and too often parents are powerless simply because they don’t even know what they don’t know.
  • Get online. If your kids are on Facebook, you need a Facebook account. If your kids use Twitter, you need to have a Twitter account and “subscribe” to it. If your child plays Xbox, you need to at least be familiar with the game and how it’s played. If your child likes to text message, you need to learn how to do it. Nothing can distance a parent quicker than not understanding their child’s world. There is already a great chasm between a child and his “old man”. You being online and trying to interact with your child can help bridge that gap a bit. It does not mean you have to “like” everything your child “posts”. It does not mean you have to “tag” every photo your child is in. It just means you have to be “nearby” online. Isn’t that the heart of parenting anyway – being “near” your children? (By the way, if you aren’t familiar with the phrases “Twitter”, “subscribe”, “like”, “tag” and “posts” you are officially out of touch and need this article more than you realize.)
  • Do not over react. Remember, technology is not the problem. It’s the use or abuse of it that can be the problem. Just because you heard a story about some kid in some mid-western state that abused MySpace does not mean that your child will do the same. Just because other teenagers are “sexting” (sending naked pictures of themselves via text) does not mean yours is or will. When you hear stories of how technology is being abused, talk it through with your kids. Make sure they understand the pitfalls and realize the consequences are real when technology is abused. Just as you would warn them of the dangers of driving, you too need to make sure they understand the dangers online or with various technologies.
  • Do not be too trusting. While overreacting can be a problem, so can too much trust. Just because you have a “good” child, does not mean he/she cannot get in trouble with certain technology. Children, particularly teenagers, are still developing portions of their brain. The common sense and rational portions are still a work in progress. These factors combined with the influence of friends and the ease of access to technology can cause them to go down a road you never dreamed they would. Education will help you know what’s out there and what the dangers are. Knowing your child and maintaining an open, close relationship with them will help you keep access as to how they are handling emerging technology. If you are concerned that your child is doing some things online that are inappropriate or destructive, there are accountability websites and keystroke logging software available to help.
  • Know their friends. How well do you know their friends? Are they in your home often? Are you creating opportunities where you can interact with them? Are you placing yourself in proximity (even online) to see, hear or read what is going on in their world? Who do they email or text regularly? If you do not know their closest friends, you do not know who is influencing them, positively and negatively.
  • Communicate with other parents. You would be surprised what you can learn in this regard. All parents like to talk about their kids. Ask them questions. Share your struggles. You will not only realize you have similar parenting issues but some of them may have some good suggestions as to how they handle it.
  • Get passwords. This is a controversial suggestion but one that I firmly believe can make a huge difference in the protection of your child. Having a child’s password gives you access to their online world. If they argue about giving it to you, that’s probably a good indication they are probably doing or saying something they shouldn’t be. It doesn’t mean you have to read their mail, but if you wanted to – you could. Some would be quick to say, “Isn’t that an invasion of their privacy?” If you are financing any aspect of their life, you have the right to see what they are involved in. Obtaining an online password is just like doing a random drug test. Privacy is an earned freedom after a proven track record of wise behavior. The more responsible your child is and proves to be, the more freedoms he/she should be given.
  • Be yourself. You will never be as “cool” as your kids. The only way you will be “hip” again is when you get yours replaced. Don’t try to be their “BFF”, just be their parent who cares enough to try and engage them on their turf. Don’t comment on every picture they post or “like” every status update. Don’t respond to every Tweet or try to get in on every chat. Be yourself. After all, you are the only parent they have. Do not trade down your elite position by trying to be their friend. They have enough of those.
  • Get outside. Remember when we were kids we had things like trees, parks, museums, sporting events, zoos, books and sunshine? Oh wait, we still have those things. Though technology is playing an ever increasing role in our world, it is important that we still find ways to get our children offline, outside and being active. They might not be interested or good at sports but it is important that you encourage activities that don’t require a broadband internet connection. Wii sports is great but it’s not the same as being outdoors.

My teenage son (like most) enjoys playing Xbox. So, I created an account and now play with him when I can. The truth is, I stink. I lose every race and get killed first in every game we play. Unfortunately for me, this will never change. Fortunately, what my son will remember is that I tried and that we are spending time together. Would I rather throw a Frisbee with him? Yes. But the point is we are “together” and as a dear friend has reminded me over the years, “Together is better”. Last week, I received a text message from my 12 year old daughter asking me for a drink. She sent it from the living room, twenty feet from the fridge. I sent her a picture of Orange Juice. My daughter learned that there is still a benefit to face to face interaction with her Dad.

The witnesses of Jehovah

rodarters

Two Jehovah Witnesses came by the house yesterday morning.  They were dressed up nice like usual and very polite.  With a Joel Osteen grin, they both carried a Bible in one hand, JW materials in the other.  Two different people actually came by a few weeks ago.   They must not keep good records of who they contact.  Or else word is spreading among the Jehovah Witnesses that the guy with the goatee on Danfield Drive really needs help.

They always “witness” in twos.  I find the two man approach interesting.  One does the hard work of silently praying for my soul while the other one does all the talking.  One of these days I’m going to answer the door with some guy standing silently behind me – that should throw them off guard.  Maybe the two silent ones can have a stare down or something.

It’s the same approach every time.  He begins by talking about the nice weather and how he only wants a few minutes of my time.  He tells me that God is the Creator of all of us and how we should read His word.  I don’t disagree.  He quickly opens his Bible – unsure of how much time he has before I cut him off.  It feels like the Jehovah Witness version of American Idol; he is the nervous contestant and I am Simon Cowell.  I can tell by his body language and slight nervousness that he gets a lot of slammed doors on him.  He reads John 4:34 where Jesus says “My food is to do the will of Him who sent Me and to accomplish His work.”   Just then I remember that my food (aka pancakes) are probably burning in the kitchen.  He asks if I ever read my Bible.  I told him I do – at which point he looked visibly surprised.   Do I live in a pagan neighborhood, I wonder?  Am I the only one who answered yes to that question recently?  He then asks if I go to church.  I told him I do – at which point he acts even more surprised.   Now I’m starting to wonder if I should be offended.  I’m also wondering how black my pancakes are.  Do I not look like church material to him??   He then pulls out some JW materials and starts giving me a mini-Bible study in my driveway.  To be honest, I didn’t really hear what he was saying.  Partly I was wondering what was so surprising about me going to church.  Mostly I was thinking about my pancake hockey pucks in the kitchen and if smoke inhalation had overcome my children yet.   He must of sensed I was no longer tracking with him.   He ended the study rather abruptly, left some material and expressed an interest in coming back next week.

I don’t mind them coming.  I don’t even mind talking with them for a few minutes.  What bothers me is their assumption that I’m going to hell.  Of course, they don’t come out and say that but you can see it all over their face.  You would think after I answered the Bible & church attendance question in the affirmative that they would move on to other neighbors.  Nope.  He treated me like I was some tribal indian living in an uncivilized section of Papua New Guinea.   I swear he was even talking slow to make sure I could understand everything.  As I was about to get mad at being judged by my appearance – my conscience quickly reminded me how I do that all the time – as recently as yesterday.

Yesterday, I was walking out of Walmart heading to my car when I saw a young man heading my direction.  He was obviously a man on a mission – to me.   As he got closer, I had the following thoughts:

  • I really need to shop at Target more.  No one approaches me in their parking lots.
  • He had a skin head so that means he was in a gang.
  • He had a sleeve full of tatoos which means that he was going to try to beat me up and take my wallet.
  • He had a lot of ear piercings on both ears which means that he regularly enjoys mosh pits and loud rock music.
  • He had a nose piercing which means that he does drugs for breakfast.
  • He was wearing skater-type clothing which means he is a skater type person.  Skater type people fall down on their skate boards alot and they get back up and do it again – which means he likes inflicting pain on himself.
  • His pants were way down past his rear which means he does not own a belt.
  • He had big black boots on which means he likes to kick small puppies for recreation.
  • He had a goatee which means… ok, I wasn’t sure what that means since I, too, have a goatee.

Anyway – he was approaching me fast and so I did what everyone does in this situation… I sprayed him with pepper spray.   No, actually – I avoided eye contact.  As I am trying to get into the vehicle without him realizing that I am totally trying to ignore him – he says,

“Sir, I am part of ________ (name of some Christian ministry organization) and we are trying to raise awareness about ________ (name some important cause) and I wanted to give you this pamphlet to look over when you have a moment.”

Wow.  I did NOT expect that to come out of his mouth.  I also did not expect to still be the owner of my wallet or teeth.

As I got in the car I realized how much and often I judge others.  I have a feeling – if you are honest – you make similar judgments.   The dad with the screaming child at the store must be a terrible Dad.  That screaming child must be a spoiled brat.  The teenage boy with the extra long hair must have a poor attitude.  The teenage girls at the mall must have Bieber fever.  The overweight mom must be a glutton.  The jogger on Sunday morning must not go to church.  The guy who drinks beer at the restaurant must be an alcoholic.   All Christians are hypocrites.  All jocks are stupid.  All blondes are air-heads.  All politicians lie.  All Muslims are terrorists.  All rich people are greedy.  All homeless are lazy.  All Catholic priests are….  you get the point.

We despise being judged and yet we judge others all the time – with impunity – from the comfort of our own mind, without anyone knowing.

So, I guess the moral of the story is to quit judging others.   Chances are, you don’t really know what’s going on with the “polaroid snapshot” you just took of their life.

I’m going to really try hard on this one.  And if I get jumped in the Walmart parking lot by an overly pierced, skin-head, tatooed skater type with low riding pants and black boots… well, it won’t surprise me.  After all, it’s what they do.

(More about judging others can be found at this post: “How dare you judge me while I judge you!”)